Should I Listen to my Father?

[Anonymous]

So my dad has always been trying to persuade me into careers that I have no interest in. Every time I would say no to them, I always feel guilty for not taking his advice. He probably doesn’t intentionally do it on purpose, but he always sound passive aggressive whenever I decline. And it makes me anxious, thinking I’m making the wrong decision.

For example, I want to look into pet grooming. I got all hyped up about it but my dad made a dissatisfied expression and he’d say “idk what else to tell you…you do you.” I say that too but it feels like I’m being disobedient if I don’t strive for one of his suggestions.

Please, don’t be rude in the comments, Ty.

[ManOnFire]

Our parents almost always want us to do things they have in mind for us. In some sense I guess it's sort of normal for them, because they want you to do something "upstanding" or notable, but eventually they have to accept your choices.

I dealt with a similar guilt you're talking about too when I was growing up. My mom always wanted me to be what she had in mind, and would even buy me things to move me in that direction. If I ever talked about wanting to do something that was outside of her scope, or if I even had things I liked outside of it, she would pretend she wasn't hearing it or just try to talk about what she had planned. Parents often refuse to understand that you cannot control your kids.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you wanting to do pet grooming. To me it's an odd career, but it's harmless and something you love. Dad should be happy that you aren't selling drugs or sleeping with different guys on rotation just to use them, or having kids from all of them. So do your thing, eventually he'll accept it.

[Walt832]

Even my parents but they were open. Just choose a career. They expected some professional bachelor degree or higher.

I had so much passion in criminology. My life turned as soon my mother had incident, torn cuff rotator on her shoulder couldn't work. I applied at police department, interviews and they told me to finish school. I couldn't continue I had to take care my mother and at the same I need a job. They rejected me 3 times the application. So I decided for the first time to work at a retail store. I worked for two years. I saved up so much I decided to quit. Reason, not enough promotion just fake promises just to motivate you but no raise at least.

I decided to grab utility trailer and head off mowing lawns and landscaping. Well, I found what I enjoy. Is been struggles and successful 6 years in this industry.

My mother sometimes she feel sad I couldn't finish school. I tell her, don't worry at least you have a son that didn't give up and now owns his own registered business. Wake up early, travel on the road, see the sun rise, appreciate the 🌎 world how beautiful it is just the habitats carrying drama, see the sun set.

The same you will do to your kids to grab a career. Keep in mind, you may direct them but they have to choose their own path. The least you want to see is your child being mad or suffering. Let them explore and feel what they really enjoy. Let their heart guide them. All what is left is to support them as to guide them, not monetary. Otherwise you are extending poorness.

[WonderBell99]

You are getting a lot of mixed opinions here. I have only one question for you. What is more important to you - money or the fulfillment you get from your career? It seems like you don’t have a clear idea on what you want to do. If you want to make money, a pet groomer is not exactly a wise choice since a huge chunk of them only work for minimum wage.

Do you have a degree? I don’t think your father is being passive aggressive. He is looking at this practically. Everyone wants to live comfortably and I’m sure he doesn’t want to see his daughter struggle financially.

It’s ok to listen to your father, but it is also ok to make your own decision after weighing the pros and cons.

I wanted to become a psychologist, but my parents wanted me to go to medical school and become a doctor (because of the money factor and psychologists do not make a lot of money here; at least, compared to doctors anyway) and now I’m in medical school. Not because my parents wanted me to, but because I could also become a psychiatrist, diagnose people, prescribe medicines etc. You have a bright side to everything. At the end of the day, it really is your life and you can do whatever you want with it.

[BlackBeauty90]

Let's see the average pet groomer in the USA apparently makes a jaw dropping $29,000 annually. That's $14 / hour. Waitresses via tips alone make more than that.

If you happen to specialize in say a difficult or unique breed you MAY make $49,000 annually or $24.50 / hour. But this is an oddity not the normality.

Quick search of pet groomer jobs puts average wage at $17/hour if you're lucky. Most places have too many staff so unlikely you'll have 40/hours & won't make $680 a week.

IF you are lucky to have 40/hours & make $680 a week.

The average apartment rent in the USA is about $1,500 nowadays (norm $900 to $1,800). So means potentially on rent alone you'll be wasting 2 weeks of salary.

.

TRY to pay attention to your father. He'd much rather you have a career & a life not live in his house for the rest of your life with nothing to show for your name.

[SnowedIn]

First, read @wonderbell99 comments twice. She's 10000000% percent right.

Second, you're anon so I can't determine what country you're in. My comments are based on my experience living and working in the United States.

Third, if your age is what your profile says, you're way too old to be worried about being disobedient to your dad.

I'm a dad of four kids, one of whom is a 20 year old adult, and the second who is 18 and about to leave the house. Based on that perspective, here's my advice: listen to what your dad has to say and then make your own decision. Dads know a lot. Sometimes more than their kids. But not always. And we're not always right. It's a function of life experience: we have more of that than our kids. That doesn't make you wrong and your dad right, just he's seen more. And he's seen what his friends' kids have done right or wrong or different.

Then, you need to decide what you want. I don't know if you're much into math, but there's a graph for jobs with money on one axis and "I love this" on the other axis. Everyone's graph is different. You need to determine where you want the intersection of how much you earn and how much you love your job to be. You can have the best job that you love the most but if you can't heat the house it doesn't matter much (I've been there). Likewise, if you're miserable at your job but have a bulging bank account, that's not great either.

But those decisions are YOURS. Not your dad's. Does he have input? Yes. Worth listening to. Does he have experience and perspective? Yes. But it's not his decision. BUT... he won't necessarily like all your decisions. And that's okay. You shouldn't make them for him, nor should you be thin skinned enough where that matters.

[Anonymous]

When I was a teenager, my mother made it CLEAR that I was going to become a physician. There were no other alternatives. I was never interested in biology and I always had a dream of becoming an aerospace engineer.

What did I end up doing? I let it go and decided to go to med school instead. It's not that engineering wasn't seen as a lucrative job in my family, rather that both my parents were pharmacists and they wanted me to do a healthcare job instead. My mom wanted me to work with people rather than work with "objects". My father on the other hand was more open to it initially, but he also started applying the pressure later on in my senior year.

Your parents want what's best for you. My example was a bit more extreme since engineering is also a high caliber job, but my parents wanted me to be a doctor instead. Pet grooming doesn't sound like a career that will bring generational wealth to the family, unless you start a business (good luck with that as a huge chunk of small businesses fail within the first 5 years). If you happen to have a solid game plan, then by all means. However, thr numbers don't lie and I'm willing to bet that your father is probably more right.

[Anonymous]

Pet grooming isn't a career unless you don't have any education. The average groomer makes minimum wage, works for Petsmart and hates their job otherwise there wouldn't be so many cases of animal abuse or even death in their care.

Your father wants you to have a career where you have a good future not living barely above the poverty line.

So use your head and get a PROPER career. You can do grooming as a hobby but don't be stupid and make it your career unless you want to end up achieving nothing.

[cherryxox99]

As an Asian this happens to me all the time. I get scolded for everything i didn't do right in the household, wasn't complimented or thanked enough for doing things for them. It gave me some anxiety whenever i did something wrong for fear that someone will scold me.

Moral of the lesson is, dont live for your parents. If their idea is to control their kids' lives instead of letting them live their own dreams, then this isn't love. Years down the road, you are the one doing this 9 hours everyday for the rest of the year. You are going to suffer criticisms from your superiors, wake up every morning feeling like shit. All they care is just the money and prestige, they dont care about your wellbeing

Do what makes you happy. Do something that you won't regret losing so much time to. You need to live on even when your parents pass

[Anonymous]

A 'career' as a pet groomer? Lol. Yeah, I agree with him. You do you (by the way, that means 'go ahead and be an idiot if that's what you are').

You love washing dogs and cutting claws and trimming hair. Cool. How are you gonna feel about it after doing it all day every day for 5 years? How proud are you gonna be to say 'I'm a professional dog groomer' in a room full of engineers, lawyers, doctors, etc?

Society is full of guys who dream of playing video games or being a social media 'influencer' for a living because they've been foolishly told to 'do what they love'. Wouldn't you love to be on the arm of one of those guys?

Pick a career you can be proud of. One that makes a real difference. One that, when you say it out loud, sounds like an achievement. That's a job you'll love in the long term. But you do you.

[Sasha0426]

If you have to call your child an idiot for doing what makes THEM happy, you might as well disown them because you have no business being a parent. Also, she’s not here on this earth to impress you or anyone else. She’s here to make her OWN decisions and make HERSELF happy. And let me remind you of something, you have to go to school to learn how to groom animals the proper way. You can learn a lot. There’s many people who love their jobs as pet groomers. If that bothers you, I highly suggest you take care of your own pet.

[Sasha0426]

Sorry to burst your bubble, but no human alive gives a single fuck what you think. You can bully them all you want, but they’ll continue on with their lives while you be miserable with yours.

[OlderAndWiser]

What do you think your earning capacity wll be if you become an experienced dog groomer? Will it be sufficient for you to be self-supporting? If not, will you expect your dad to help you financially? And what if your dad is not available or able to do that?

[BCA6010]

In my opinion, animal grooming isn't a good long-term career field. Even if you like animals or think you enjoy it now, you'll burn out on that quickly, and there's not much opportunity for upward mobility.

I would also advise from personal experience that making work the focal point of your life will not make you happy in the long run.

[WilliamPamer446]

First of all you dont need to feel bad buddy and secondly you can make your own choice its your life and I think your dad just cares about you although parents can push and go to far into toxic levels I know I think weigh everything in an objective way and find ways for pet grooming but you can't solely rely on that and this may sound sexist or outdated but having a boyfriend to help you with financials is not a bad idea either if you are 18 and moved out

[Dana223]

Tell him this. You don't want to wind up in a career that you find boring or dislike. You can get an Engineer's degree but burn out in a few years, then what's the point. It's noting against your father will or being rebellious against their rules.

Does the career if your idea pay well? Do you see a realistic chance to settle with it? I think pets will be there for a while, we or professionals need to groom them. How about aiming to be a vet?

[WindAtMyBack]

You should listen to him, but that doesn't mean you have to take his advice. He's probably looking at it from a more practical point of view, and you are looking at what you want to do. Doing what you want is great, but you do have to make a living, which is expensive. That's just reality. You need to do more than make ends meet. You need to save.

Is there any money in pet grooming? How much competition is there in your area.

[exitseven]

He really does have your best interests at heart. When my kids were little I was trying to finish my own college degree. They understood that it was hard to do it part time and I wanted them to have the resources to finish it when they were young. I pushed them to major in something marketable. They all completed college in 4 years and they all make more money than I do so I guess the plan worked.

[Anonymous]

How old are you?
You're an adult. You have to make your own decisions.

The problem here is that you both think work and money are tied together.

You go to work for satisfaction... You provide service/product for money.
They don't have to be one and the same thing.
You could be earning 6 figures while grooming animals.

[LiamJHayden]

My dad suggested I find a career that pays me as much as possible. His idea was, "Work is designed to earn you money. Free time is when you do what you enjoy. Don't confuse the two." Granted some people are able to make a career doing what they love, but for many, maybe most, we end up doing something that we tolerate. If the latter is the case, might as well max out the earnings.

[Adaeva]

There is almost no money in pets unless you are a dog handler and show dogs for a fee. And, even then, you won't earn minimum wage unless you can win and to win you much be very smart and good at politics and that doesn't sound like you.

[Jessica405]

Do what interests you. Never take heed of other people's suggestions. The more you are interested in a topic, the less of a chore you will find it. It will be more like a paid hobby. Stick to your guns!

[AviatorTom]

You should always LISTEN to your parents and the advice they give you, then you make a DECISION, on your own, to follow their advice or not.

[dusky_woman1]

most of parents want their child to earn money for themselves first then jump into their passions. that's how it works.

[nudetru]

do you. respect him does he respect you... Yes
then you should always listen... second or third opinion s optional

[Mangospacho]

You can work in any field you’d like. Your dad has a right to his opinion but this isn’t his decision.

[Wise4myage]

No, follow your own path. It will make you happier.