What is one thing your parents did that you won’t do with your child?

[JustinTheGreat]

my dad was a horrible father in all ways so I would not want to be like him at all lol

And with my mom the only thing that I wouldn’t repeat
with my child is that she would never listen to me or even try to understand where I’m coming from in certain situations. She always had this “I’m the parent that means I’m automatically right and you aren’t allowed to have an opinion” mentality. My mom STILL think she knows better than all her kids even though we are all grown adults lol. She’ll get into an argument with my brother and say “I’m the mother, you’re the child” like ma’am, he is 32 years old LMAO.

Its not just my mom, I think a lot of parents are like that. I think instead of automatically thinking you’re right because you’re the parent, we should listen to our kids. We should communicate and compromise more. Like yes I’m the parent and I make the rules but I still acknowledge the fact that my child is a person and her feelings are valid. I just want to try to understand and view things from my child’s perspective instead of automatically flipping out at her for no reason. And If I lose my temper and I do flip out for no reason, I will admit I’m wrong and I will apologize. I never remember a single time my mother has ever apologized to me even when she knew she was the one in wrong. (And I am in no way calling my mom a bad parent or saying she raised me wrong, she’s great)

[SoWhAt249]

Raise them in poverty pretty much. My parents really suck at dealing woth finances, and over the years, they've made so many mistakes, they essentially threw away every chance they had at getting us from poverty. Plus expensive unnecesarry habits, like smoking, buying stuff they don't need, and then fight all the time about not having money. Well fuck off. They didn't have any money to send me to college, so I've been working for almost 2.5 years now, and I can comfortablysay that I've saved more money, than they have during their entire lifetimes, and they lived half of their adulthood in times of abundance of our country, and I now live in a corrupt, unstable shithole. But I think about my future, because I'm afraid to relive my past. I've pretty much calculated how much money I will need to raise two children until they finish college, and be ready to take their lives in their hands, so I've decided that If I haven't collected two thirds of that amount before age 35, I probably won't be having kids. I already have a separate savings account, and I haven't needed to take away money from it yet, and hopefully i won't. As soon as I make the amount needed, I'm getting married and having at least 2 kids.

[Celtero]

Ah, my parents weren't that great growing up. Not having kids... So I'll answer your question differently.

Early on I was hit and smacked, sometimes we were sit on as a punishment. My mother was an alcoholic. She cheated on my father so they divorced. She would keep us up late with her drunken craziness, coming into our rooms drenched in the scent of cigarettes and cheap wine, crying to me, getting snot in my hair while poking me with her long, cold nails. I'd wake up the next morning tired, go without breakfast, bike to school in the frigid weather, go without lunch, come home and take a nap. Sometimes she'd bang guys while we were home. Once she came into my room afterward, still naked and sweaty. She embarrassed me on many occasions in public.

My father was a very angry man during my childhood. Often I dreaded simply being around him. And I mean DREADED. I suspect many people don't know what dread feels like... it feels as if you just found out you have terminal cancer and once you die you're going to hell. He made my mother seem pleasant.

[RemoErdosain]

I'm sorry you had to go through all that. That sounds like hell on Earth

[Christsdisciple15]

I will 1) try not to dismiss my child’s feelings no matter how young they are. 2) I won’t make the topic of sex so much of a taboo. I feel like if it weren’t such a taboo in my house I’d be able to open up more to my mother about mistakes I’ve made and regretted. I don’t want my child to feel the need to hide anything from me.
3) I won’t apply too much pressure when it comes to education. My mental health during high school sucked and I’m still reeling from it. If I didn’t have God I seriously believe I would’ve hurt myself. And yeah my mother was supportive but I still had this unwarranted feeling like she’d love me less if I didn’t do academically well.

I will use my life experiences to raise my children in a non stressful atmosphere.

[RemoErdosain]

Sounds very wise

[Christsdisciple15]

@RemoErdosain 💙

[LaureenVO]

It honestly is shocking to read how many people were/are abused. And parents who don't care about their child. My heart goes out for you guys. Idc if you are a male or female. I personally would not to anything different. My parents always listen to me and i have never got beaten before. Not once. My mom only once threw a glass with water over my head lmao. Just because she didn't want to hurt me. I have a lot of respect for them. Again, it's shocking to see how many people got abused. (verbally, psychially or whatever doesn't matter)

[egarcia1360]

I would never tell my kids to do something just "because I said so!" If I couldn't justify a rule, why would I expect them to just go along with it? It's worth taking the time to explain what you're doing because a child (or anyone) is more likely to accept your word voluntarily if they understand and agree with the reasoning behind it, rather than just resenting you and likely disobeying you behind your back. Plus, it teaches them to always question authority, which is something I would like to instill in my children from a young age.

[RemoErdosain]

While I agree with you on being able to justify your rules, I don't think young kids are able to understand the reasoning behind a lot of the rules that they should follow for their own good, so if you can't be that figure that they feel respect for and follow somewhat blindly, you'll most likely get them into trouble

[egarcia1360]

@RemoErdosain I get what you're saying, and you make a good point about kids not being able to understand certain things. However, I think it's worth trying to frame things in a way that they can at least have a general idea of why they're doing something at whatever age. Children can often be much more capable than we think! At the very least, I wouldn't want them to make them trust me blindly, but rather earn that trust over time; even if I did need them to listen first and understand later at some point for whatever reason, they'd know from experience that when I say something, it's for a reason.

[Cortaine]

Leave without any reason, or cheat on my wife. My mother was the "second woman" (technically the third woman) and when she was 6 months pregnant, my father left her. I have 4 (at least) siblings on my fathers side, we all have different mothers except my 2 younger sisters who have the same mother.
And my dad, the person I call my dad, left when I was 16 by taking all his stuff and disappearing one day when I was at school and mom was at work. He is currently living life by working half a year, and travelling the other half, I haven't seen or heard from him in 13 years.

[Analogist]

My mother is mild Narcissistic Personality Disorder and thus was a terrible hypocrite. This is something I am determined not to perpetuate. My father was an excellent dad and both my parents have been very loving and supportive. Until I was about 13 or so, my mother used to hit us on the backside with a flip flop if we were naughty. Until one day when we (my sister and I) started sniggering and then laughing whilst it was happening as we were gobsmacked that she thought we were still young enough for it to be effective. I won't be hitting my children at all. Supernanny FTMFW

[RemoErdosain]

How does someone find out that they have such disorder, if you don't mind me asking?

[Analogist]

I don't mind at all. Basically she fits all the criteria, she doesn't know it of course and refused to admit she has it. I've had a lifetime of proof though.

[RemoErdosain]

Yeah, I would imagine someone who has it wouldn't just find out and tell other people

[RandD4Ever]

physical abuse:
mine used to whip me with a leather belt, a telephone cord, tried hitting me with baseball trophies, also pulled my hair out of my head, left nail marks up and down my arms until they bled, fed me food I was highly allergic to which made me vomit. only ate 1 meal a day. had my hair pulled out of my head by the roots and had a bar of soap forced in my mouth and down my throat, some of the other stuff is much more violent which I can't share on here due to it's graphic violent nature. in elementary school kids were having the same thing done to them and worse one got hit over the head with a lamp the base part of a metal lamp.
verbal abuse:
I wish you were never born, you were a mistake, I wish I never had you, you're going to end up just like your father, you're gonna end up in jail, you're gonna end up behind bars, you're gonna end up behind the 8 ball some day.

[RandD4Ever]

physical and mental abuse:
forced to stay up until 11pm or 11:30pm only to wake up at 5:30am to study again and sometimes doing all nighters for homework and science fair projects and go all day without eating.
verbal abuse:
besides being called every swear word known in the English and Italian dictionary.

[LaureenVO]

I just wanna say that i am so sorry that happened to you

[ILoveAnime]

Oh defenitly. My father has your mother and father's attitude towards me and my sister and I'm excited to move out so I'll never see him again (or maybe spit in his grave someday lol) tho I know I most probably will have to cause I'll have to see him to see my mom ughhhhh But at least I can ignore him

[qxeenrrose]

a lot of things. but if I were to name one it would be the inability to trust their child. Which I will stray far from. If you can’t trust someone let alone you’re own child it creates a lot of unnecessary boundaries and fighting. I guess theirs a lot of things I would do differently. But that one is probably most important to me.

[AaceN]

I would never treat my child differently even if they told me they were different than me (whether that's sexuality, politically, religiously, socially, etc.). When I told my parents I was not Christian, even though I think my parents realize that I am still the same person just with differences in beliefs, they do not treat me this way. They act as if I'm going to become completely immoral. They also choose to make decisions for me that they can't make.

[jennifer_bloom]

My dad was not religious and raised me in a way that was very God hating - his principles and morals and values contradicted everything the bible taught - I would raise my children with values that resemble biblical morals and I would protect and love them more - I would also warn them that many are evil and pretend to be good and they should be careful who they trust - even if they meet somebody at church or the guy is a pastor or fire fighter or surgeon

[BCA6010]

I'm not going to force them to continue participating in school organizations that they hate and/or are constantly being abused in. On that note, I'm also never going to ignore it when my hypothetical children complain about being mistreated by teachers or other students.

[standingUP]

You are wrong and you still sound like a spoiled little POS child. It is time to grow up you're not right and you're working on never being right. Have some respect for the people who raised you fed you housed you. You ungrateful child.
I'd beat you too. You're a disgusting human.

[Prettygurl12]

I don't want kids.

My mom made it seem like I was the worst thing ever to happen to her. She made motherhood seem TERRIBLE. Oddly enough she doesn't seem to dislike my younger siblings.

Nope. No kids for me! I don't want to be miserable. No thanks.

[rajurajuraju]

Hi hello

[Hannibal_Lecter420]

Probably try to hear my kid out more not scream at them admit when they're right and I'm wrong keep their secrets be more open minded push them to persue a career they want but make sure they have an actual job to ride them over until they get what they want.

[flame111]

Physical abuse, yelling, point a gun, no emotional support, and decide whats for the kids future career., that fucked me up, right now its really hard healing and growing at the same time, i didn't regret not choosing the path they want me to be, cos all i want is to do it on my own way, didn't have freedom before, i just wanna be happy with my son and im working on my self to grow

[Agape93]

Never shame them for their sexuality or choices or beliefs.

[DanaeAdam5]

-Disrespect their opinions/beliefs.

-Spank them

-Cuss at them

-Start making assumptions about their feature like
'Ur gonna live on the streets' or 'Ur gonna be a prostiture' or even 'Ur gonna end up in jail'

[ThiccNigro]

I don't plan on having kids but one thing I won't do is be a helicopter parent. My parents were very aggressive helicopter parents and that shit ruins your children. They were abusive in pretty much every way possible but as for that one thing, it's definitely the helicopter aspect. That was the most detrimental to my life

[ArchEnemy]

Your parents fucked you now you are afraid to have kids because you might fuck them too ok that is a fucked up situation you are sick!

[ArchEnemy]

Fucking disgusting you pervert!

[ThiccNigro]

@ArchEnemy there are other reasons I don't want children but I guess that's part of it

[ThiccNigro]

Wait what? How tf am I a pervert?

[ArchEnemy]

Because you let people in the family fuck you

[ThiccNigro]

@ArchEnemy Why do men over the age of 35 act so weird when they get on the internet? Fuck off dude

[ArchEnemy]

You are one sick fuck fucking psycho! Leave them kids alone you fucking abuser!

[ThiccNigro]

@ArchEnemy Yeah I'm just gonna go ahead and block you, stop being a creep

[theChineseWASP]

My parents were pretty great parents honestly. I think the only thing I would try to avoid is getting into fights all the time. I would try to find a partner that I think I won’t argue with for the rest of my life.
I hope it will happen.

[BewareJay]

Not to ruin your dream or anything but it’s really rare to find a partner that you won’t argue with

[zoe2187]

The list could go on forever! Lol. I parent the opposite of my parents. I put my kids first. Everyday I remind them of how much they mean to me. My parents treated us like burdens. Wasn’t fun.

[Ellie-V]

I won’t force my religious beliefs on my children and we will have a comfortable, open dialogue about anything including sex with little to no judgment attached

[Kayla45]

I got spanked a lot growing up, just because I was the girl in the family didn't mean I got less punishment than my brothers. Lol. Never would spank my children, it would be a cold day in hell if anybody raises a belt to my kids.

[Isac132]

cold day in hell is a good thing, right? xD