Search Results: getting to know someone

I feel a bit like I’ve been scammed because my old guitar teacher just confused me a bit and wasn’t very clear how he was explaining stuff, then would get a bit annoyed if I took a guitar lesson off someone else, he’d say “you’ll just confuse yourself if you take lessons or advice off other people.. they don’t know the angle we’re coming from”. But then he’d say “there’s no secret to playing guitar, it’s just hard work and focus” but then he’d say “I’ll let you in on a secret that professional guitarists use…” so it seems like he contradicts himself and doesn’t explain stuff that well maybe.

It’s really weird because all his other students say how great he is and how he’s really helping them, but I don’t get that. He’s had some very successful guitarists as students and they all say he’s helped them… but what he says to me is all wishy washy nonsense or at least he doesn’t explain things very well. Then my college lecturer on my music class explains stuff and it all makes sense to me. I dunno, I feel a bit taken advantage of by that guitar teacher, like his quality of teaching was purposely bad so I’d get more lessons. I also feel a lot of anxiety when I pick up guitar now so it seems like getting lessons with him has lowered my self esteem somehow. I feel a bit like I’m going crazy but can’t pinpoint why.
and I don’t get why he chose ME to do this to? I’ve been told I’m fairly intelligent and learn things easily so maybe he feels threatened by that and wants to slow my progress down so I get more lessons? I also felt a lot of anxiety around him like he’s judging me harshly. He’d also say “I think you know more than you think you do” and he’d keep going over the same topics again… and claiming that I don’t fully understand basic stuff… I dunno 🤷🏼‍♀️

Long story short fighting with boyfriend over his 4-5 day disappearing hanging with other people and chicks, and then when I go anywhere even a gas station for 35 min to an hour hanging out with my friends he gets upset and wants me to break down my reasons well on day 4 I said I didn't want to continue the relationship with how much he takes off never tells me where he's going makes me worry and never replies to me. Never helps at home with the baby.. so I finally say point blank in black and white, WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP? he says he will move out, I'm a fucking bitch, he can't stand me, and he will come pack his stuff.
Later 6 hours later asks if he can come get clothes I say yes. He shows up to sleep and repeat the cycle of taking off once awake. NOW 4 days after finding out his intentions I've tried distancing myself, Detaching etc. And He sparks another argument with me which I say why does it matter that I cooked dinner with my family last night I deserve social interaction too besides just kids all day. He says it's not fair cause he doesn't get to go out. He will count me 1 hour with my family but his 5 to 8 hour hangout at the neighbors wasn't getting out. Then I blow up saying, Were not together so who gives a fuck and he's like oh now we're not together I'm like no we haven't been together since you told me your intentions. I used to love him so much but the controlling behavior only seems to be getting worse. To the point he tells our neighbors he was going to smack the fuck out of me. Like what man does that? If someone told you that they hate you and their intentions were to leave you, then, by all means why does he think we're now working it out? Yea I've been civil. Civilly waiting for him to get his shit and go. Then says he doesn't know what makes me think he didn't want to still be with me? Like I'm more into self love after this experience. I asked point blank his intentions yet I'm the bad person now.

I tend to find a lot of people irritating therefore avoid them. I think people can tell when I don’t want them around me.. I hate it when strangers come into my personal space, touch me or if I can smell their bad breath or hygiene issues. I think I have more of an issue with this than most people do.
I also don’t see much point in talking to someone unless I can get something out of them or I really enjoy their company like I find them interesting etc. Whenever I’ve had friends, I’ve noticed I drink too much at the pub and completely dominate the conversations, I like the attention all on me.
I always feel sort of numb, bored or maybe depressed. but I also ruminate and stress very easily, leading me to feel like I have to control situations or avoid them. If I have to work in group activities at university, I zone out and can’t concentrate because I find it overwhelming and don’t see the point of contributing unless I’m the leader however I’d still much rather sit back and do nothing or just do what I’m told to do etc. I used to get very good grades at school without much effort… now I’m struggling and scraping by with passes at uni because of poor time management and having random special interests distracting me.

I also feel the need to be somehow better than others.. this is why I like being a musician… a lot of the people on my uni course can’t play their instruments that well and I feel superior to them because of that.. however I feel upset if they do better than me in assessments. I also get massive anxiety if I feel like I won’t perform well, but if I know my parts well I get a bit egotistical … even as a kid I loved the attention from performing and playing instruments. I also love getting positive attention from lecturers and even seduced one and had sex with them to sort of “test” if I could win him over, but at the same time I was also very infatuated with him for no logical reason at all. I think I wanted to see how far he would go with me.