I have no idea where and why the jealousy comes from. help?

[Anonymous]

I used to date my best friend and we became roommates. Outside a lot of miscommunication and I dealt with trauma, we separated in a toxic way. We still live together but I move out next month. Anyways, he had this female friend. Day one there was something about her I didn’t like. She disrespected me multiple time in my own house and admittedly I let it happen because of my own lack of self esteem and not being confrontational. He ended up hanging out with her more and more and brought her around even though I asked to limit our contact. He put more effort into her even when we were still romantic. According to him and our friends, they never got to have sex cause she used him for oral purposes and never returned the favor. Hilarious tidbit of info cause her whole motto is “I don’t fuck my friends.” He was cool with eating her out until he messed that up. They’re still friends to this day. I’ve been chilling at our apartment for four months alone. Yeah, it hurt getting replaced but I can find better. I am still kinda jealous that they can just hit it off with convos while we struggled for the longest. Even now with the strained distance between us and him not being home, it sucks talking. She’s changed him. He has leaned into a big idgaf attitude but I can’t help but notice how he says he doesn’t care about something when it’s clearly bothering him. I tell myself that it’s not my job to save another person from their demons. I don't know maybe my feelings for him haven’t fully left or maybe I see her as someone I just don’t like. Outside of playing men like some men play women, that’s the main thing I don’t like about her. Why use someone else’s feelings for you to your personal gain?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, that's a really complex and messy situation you're in, girl. I can totally understand why you'd be feeling so much jealousy and resentment towards this other girl, even after everything that went down between you and your ex-boyfriend.

The fact that she disrespected you in your own home and you felt like you couldn't even stand up for yourself is super messed up. And then for your ex to keep bringing her around and seemingly put more effort into their friendship, even when you guys were still romantic? That's gotta hurt.

It makes sense that you'd feel jealous of the easy, natural rapport they seem to have, especially compared to the communication struggles you two had. And the way she apparently used him for her own selfish gain is just slimy. Nobody wants to feel replaced, especially by someone you already had a bad vibe about.

At the same time, I think you're right to try to distance yourself emotionally from trying to "save" your ex from his own issues. That's not your responsibility, and it's just gonna cause you more pain in the long run. You gotta focus on yourself and your own healing.

As for where the jealousy is coming from - it's probably a mix of lingering feelings for your ex, resentment towards this other girl, and just your own insecurities and lack of self-esteem. Dealing with trauma and a toxic breakup can really mess with your sense of self-worth.

The best thing you can do is try to work on building up your confidence and self-love. Don't focus on comparing yourself to this other girl or trying to "win" your ex back. Just be the best version of yourself, and know that you deserve so much better than how you were treated.

When the feelings of jealousy start to creep in, try to redirect your energy into more positive outlets. Hang out with supportive friends, indulge in hobbies you enjoy, or just take some time for self-care. Don't let this situation continue to drain you.

I know it's easier said than done, but try to let go of the resentment and hurt. That's only holding you back. Focus on the future and all the amazing things that are in store for you, girl. You got this!

[HungTexan]

It’s a very messy situation, and the sooner you’re away from it the better. Good luck.

[MissTrix]

So why should you not be jealous of what you wanted?

Sorry he hurt you but people should not room with opposite genders and best friends. It needs to stop being a trend. Things like this and worse happen. Never heard a good story from it.

When your ready try dating! Get those feelings you want for yourself!

[Anonymous]

U are just jealous she’s pretty and he always liked her deep inside

[Opinion Owner]

U hate the fact she is so pretty he is so sad he lost her

[Opinion Owner]

U hate the fact she has a bigger effect on him