Search Results: people time to realize they love someone

So, I'm gonna get a bit of hate for this (and that's fine).
Long story short, I cheated on my ex twice.
They were more of affairs I guess, I realized we were different in college and I met someone but we didn't work out. I got back with my ex for a while and the same thing happened again after I moved across the country.

We are good friends and honestly if we hadn't broken up, we would've been dating for 10 years. We met at age 14 and started dating then, broke up at 19, then broke up again at 21.

I honestly don't deserve him or anyone right now, and I am staying single to work on my insecurities and issues.

But I've come back home for the holidays and well, we were spending time together and there was a moment we just looked at each other and then this passionate kiss happened. We were both shaking and really emotional after it happened, then it escalated to a full hookup. There were no "I love yous" exchanged, just fyi.

I've been home for 2 weeks and honestly we're acting like a couple. I don't want to lead myself on so I'm just assuming it's some winter romance or us trying to get "back to normal" (we broke up in October).

He deserves better than me, but to be honest I still have strong feelings for him. I don't know how he feels but he did tell me he didn't love me anymore in October, so I'm trying to protect myself too.

What should I do... talk about it? Let it be?

People tell me it seems like we're meant to be but maybe not right now and that I need to work on me first and get through grad school.

I just want him to be happy... but I don't know if it's selfish to cut it off or if it's more selfish to keep following this path which may or may not end badly...