Search Results: insecurity

I was chubby growing up & always assumed losing weight would result in getting more attention from quality guys (not counting the catcalling that happened when I’d go to NY). Now, here I am at almost 30, in a taller/slimmer body (women’s US 10) & I’ve never been approached by a guy I’d actually consider dating. I used to get more attention (but not much compared to other women I knew) but it was usually from questionable guys. And I’m told I’m attractive yet these women I knew would get an abundance of attention from guys. While people told me I was more attractive than these women & these guys that approached them would eventually show they wanted a *good time* a majority of the time, I just never understood why I always seem to be overlooked by guys. On occasion, people would tell me that this & that guy would be looking at me/found me attractive, those were the same guys I found attractive but they NEVER made it known to me directly. I should feel better about myself & while I’ve become more comfortable in my skin over the years, this is truthfully an insecurity that I don’t think I’ll ever completely overcome. Am I just unlucky? Or are most women really that fortunate to have their pick of the litter? I’ve gotten attention from attractive guys on dating apps but it doesn’t hold the same value to me, compared to if those same guys approached me in person. When I say *approached*, I mean in any imaginable scenario: clubs, bars, grocery shopping, coffee shops etc.

I dislike that my boyfriend appears to ONLY value men’s opinions. Anything I or any other woman says to him goes in one ear and out the other. But let a guy say the same thing and he's all ears and ready to take the advice.

Anyways, it made me question whose opinions I tend to value? I am very stubborn and not many people can get through to me. I can only think of one girl who has just really gotten through to me but I guess I notice that it’s mostly been guys, thus I value men’s opinions more.

I don't know if my guy simply values the male view more because he’s so insecure and intimidated by other men, which he says all the time. But I value the guys perspective because I want to know how to captivate, communicate with, and better understand the gender that I’m attracted to.

Some may call that a “pick me” but I don’t consider it the same thing. I feel pick me’s seek validation while I more so want advice and guidance. Who better to understand a guy I’m into than a guy himself?

If I wanted advice on how to improve my appearance, dress style or to better control my emotions, then I’d seek a woman’s advice since we better understand one another’s insecurities and reactions. I rarely ask other women for advice on guys though because so many take it as competition to go after that same guy. Its so weird. Girlcode always seems to go out the window.

Another thing could be that I grew up looking up to my grandpa more than anyone else. I also got along best with my male cousin and my uncle. My friends have always been 90% guys. Like, my mom held it down for a bit but her inconsistent behavior and broken promises really got to me. So I stopped looking up to her. Maybe she, my grandma and a bunch of flaky female friends and cousins ruined it for other women too.

Some men have wronged me but never as many men as women. I guess same can be said for my boyfriend since he feels more women have wronged him yet all I ever see these days is men treating him badly. #FeelFreeToList