I figured at some point in my life that I just say whatever I want, do whatever I wanna do, and I figure the people who stick around -- however few or many -- are people I don't have to worry about sticking around for the rest of my life.
It's a little bit an asshole mindset, admittedly. But it's a filter. If I worry about losing people saying what I really think is true to myself, however awkward or stupid, I'll be worried for the rest of my life if I hide it. So I don't worry about losing people over it. I figure it's a good thing.
Where I worry sometimes is when I get drunk, for instance. Then I don't really think I say what I really mean or do what I really meant to do. I've found my best friends and my wife stick around but sometimes I worry I will one day lose them, especially given my lack of control and predictability over what I say and do when drunk.
But so far they have stuck around for some mysterious reason so it's a minor insecurity. Yet I did tend to stop drinking completely when I started dating a new girl in the past.
Better to have one true friend who sticks around for the rest of my life, mooning people on the train, than to have a hundred where I can't even moon people on the train to keep them. Something like that. So I just moon people on the train and see who sticks around.
For me my main bit is mental health related, I’m good but do have off days lol. Also I find it fairly easy to get a girl but getting that good emotional connection can be a pain, she thinks everything is great but I don’t and leave her. Then some start talking about getting married.. l something I am not really thinking about at moment or they mention having kids. I am really good, confident, sense of humour, realistic and dating does come easy, it’s the moving to a relationship that is the fun part lol, then the long term commitment bit.
That over time, they may realise that they actually can’t handle me. I’m very clingy, physically and emotionally. I love physical affection at any opportunity and emotionally I feed off of other people, I almost “mirror” them, if they’re having a bad day then I’m having a bad day, etc. It can get mentally exhausting for some people, and I don’t blame them at all, i can be a bit much.
Ah, insecurities, the silent romance killers! Let's dive into those murky waters. Honestly, my main insecurity tends to revolve around the fear of not being interesting enough. There's this little voice whispering, "What if she finds me boring after a while?" You know, with everyone showcasing their highlight reel on social media, it's easy to feel like you're not keeping up. Another thing that sometimes gets me is the worry about whether I'm being emotionally available enough. Like, am I striking the right balance between sharing my feelings and maintaining that air of mystery? It's a tightrope walk, my friends! But hey, it's all about embracing those quirks and realizing that they're part of the unique package you bring to the table. What about you? What are your romantic insecurities? Let's air them out and laugh in the face of fear!
This already has enough opinions given that it hardly needs another one. But the question is an interesting one, so I shall try to answer it in a way that corresponds to how I am feeling at the present moment.
I would say the biggest insecurity I have regarding the woman to whom I am attracted would be related to the fact that she deserves much more and better than anything I can ever hope to offer to her, and I am very conscious of that. I fell in love with her the first time I encountered her. She deserves nothing but all the finest things.
She's just the kind of sweet, caring, compassionate person who always does the right thing. She's breathtakingly beautiful. She isn't promiscuous, though there's nothing wrong with women who are. She can dance, she can sing, she can act. (She's acted in a rom-com film, for example.) She's also modeled for advertisements and appeared in public service announcements appearing throughout the country. She's popular, and quite a few guys are vying for her attentions. She has a bachelor's degree. She's good at sports. She's wise. She's generous and offers up her time, talent, and treasures for good causes. She has a green thumb.
I, on the other hand, can be a bit harsh sometimes. I make mistakes. I'm fat and ugly. I've fornicated and slept with women outside of a relationship. I've gotten somewhat of a reputation as being a guy who chats with, flirts with, and becomes intimate with a fair number of women. I haven't turned away women even when I knew that they were in a relationship already. Even if they've mentioned to me how much trouble they would be in if their boyfriends ever found out about what we were doing behind his back.
The only dances I can do are the Cha-Cha Slide and the Macarena, and even those I usually mess up doing. I have a horrible-sounding voice with nasal resonance that makes people sometimes wonder whether I am intentionally modifying my voice for humorous effect, like Lou Costello allegedly has done (as well as to better differentiate his voice from that of his long-time partner Bud Abbott). I can't act to save my life. I wouldn't even be able to memorize any lines. I don't really talk to or hang out with many people. I consider myself mostly friendless, though that might be an oversimplification. I only have an associate's degree. I'm bad at sports. I was the kid that was always picked last for any team sport. I'm utterly ignorant and fail to learn from my mistakes and those of others. I try to keep myself to myself. I kill plants if I touch them.
With all this in mind, I still try to overcome my social phobia, my natural anxiety, my depression, and my fears, and I've been willing to have some rather deep conversations with her. The more I heard about her opinions, beliefs, stances, and philosophy, the more I liked her, if such a thing is possible. And I tried to be open and honest with her as well as I could. She's said that she cares for me. She has said that I make her feel fluttering in her stomach, and that I make her heart beat so strong. She told me, "I love you." I don't know why she would. But that's what she said. She has said that I have helped her get over her feelings of loneliness and sadness. Though really it was she who helped me to get over my feelings of loneliness and sadness.
She has become my best friend. Every day I worry that I will treat her with less than the proper love, respect, and honor to which she is deserving. The other day I was a bit disingenuous with her. The next day I admitted that to her, told her the truth, apologized for my conduct, and asked whether she could forgive me. She was willing to forgive me. She never gives me a hard time about anything. She is so, so good to me. But I am terrified that I will fail to do that which I should. And I worry that I may once again try to take my own life and wind up succeeding. The last thing she needs is to have to have to grieve a loss of a friend. All I can do is hope that my insecurity will serve as a reminder to never take things for granted.
tl;dr: My main insecurity is that I know I'm not good enough.
@mandyfire98 You may be right. Though sometimes I can form a better judgment about who I am because I am so intimately familiar with me; I know more about me than most people do. However, it can also be the case that someone will be his or her own worst critic. Sometimes this can lead to feelings of discontentment or even dysphoria, if the person is so bothered by how he or she feels about himself or herself. My therapist has encouraged me to try to modify my self-talk by telling myself things like, "I'm a good person, and I can do this." But I don't like lying, even to myself.
no insecurities at this point... I have no reasons to be insecure about something
back in the days when I was 16 years old... I probably had all and every mental and emotional insecurity possible, lol... but I was that young, and I had been dealing with a rough childhood and early teens... and it was around this age (after working on these same things for so long) that it started to get a bit better for me, and fortunately I did meet someone great in my life, her...
so, when we did overcome, and I did overcome these insecurities... I had no reason to feel the same again, and every other relationship I had later it went good and great
" Am I Good Enough..." was one question I asked myself every day, not only about relationships but life in general, but that was long long time ago during my mid-teens... fortunately, something I have not had any need to ask myself nowadays (=
I still have this bad fear of abandonment that im trying to work through. the worst feeling in the world for me is being ghosted with no explanations for it. so sometimes i can feel that fear pop up from time to time when dating. if its over then tell me, don't just up and leave without saying so.
I'm already in a relationship and she's stuck with me whether she likes it or not.
Now for the person I'm attracted to, I'm insecure because I have very little patience. I'm still waiting for her to come visit me so I can show her all the different beaches we have
Mostly that I'm not giving her enough attention and I'm going to make her feel like I don't care. I'm a pretty laid back person and I'm also very busy. It's not unusual for me to leave the house at 8 am, come back at 2am for a week straight.
I'm not a big texter either so my lifestyle has gotten in the way before. That's why I'm looking for someone who also has a lot going on.
In the past it used to be about my lack of confidence in questioning whether I am handsome, whether I am fun and whether she would be okay with my rebellious lifestyle with too many encounters.
Today though I am married, and those insecurities are far gone. Now it’s all about whether our sex life may at some point reach "vanilla" stage where I turn back to the hand and porn and/or have to fantasies about others to make me cum. Luckily I am not there yet.
Moot point now that I'm married, but I'd been insecure about many things. In reality, I think it was just from having been a doormat and having been manipulated and mistreated in previous relationships.
None because I'm not interested in people who don't fit what I want in a relationship.
You know why so many people have insecurities? Because they don't know what they want. Most people go into dating looking for someone they like. Insecurity is all about not feeling good enough. They don't feel good enough for a specific person... Never realizing that what they actually want is a relationship. If you really were concerned about a relationship you wouldn't feel insecurity.
I am not shy yes but also being taken back all the time. One second passes, i am confident. Two seconds passes, "nah i have no chance against her. I am way below their league"
Relationships have always been tough for me. Iike anyone, you worry you are not good enough for the person. I'm usually always prepared for her to find someone else cause that's the usual outcome. Then me thinking I destroyed it cause I was too sexual and not romantic enough.
That they'll leave me which usually happens in a month or so. They always go for someone else without ever putting much effort into me. How is a girl supposed to like a guy when it's always one sided with the guy always chasing and putting in the effort?
I value the bond more than anything else, so losing it is what I fear the most. It's probably because I never had long lasting bonds with people. People come and go. Times change, priorities change. Promises get forgotten and everyone is reduced to that one nostalgic photograph on your phone and a bittersweet memory
I have no real insecurities that I know of. I was married and divorced and raised my two kids as a single father. I put dating off until my kids were grown. Now that they are grown I am getting close to retiring and in the process of starting my own business to retire and stay busy. I have not been looking for anyone but if she comes by I would be interested. I hope to travel once I retire and hopefully find a travel buddy that might could turn into more.
It varies depending on the status of the relationship between us. If I like her but there is nothing between us yet, my biggest concern is that she has a boyfriend, so I won't open up to her until I'm sure she doesn't have a boyfriend. If we are lovers, I won't have any insecurities
I know most women I date don't have the mobility to be with me long term. They have family connections, jobs, kids, etc. I have pretty steady passive income, travel a ton, and want to live abroad for a few years.
I'm afraid that I'll bore them after a while. I don't think I'm boring personally, at least not to myself, but I like a lot of alone time/ I am an introvert and I can see how that might bore someone in a relationship with me.
That she’s cheat on me. Because it happened in 3/4 of my relationships. But that must just be because I’m shit at picking women. 🤷🏻♂️ So I don’t anymore. In fact, I don’t date or have relationships. Haven’t for 9 years now.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
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Being boring. Almost every relationship I have been in, I had at the very least a sense of fear that the relationship was going to die, because we aren't doing any or enough fun activities. The number one question I always had in relationships was: "Why aren't you like you were in the beginning of our relationship? You would always take me somewhere. This entire responsibility shouldn't be on my shoulder, but It has always been for some reason.
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