How do you deal with insecurities and self worth issues after being cheated on?

[Anonymous]

I was cheated on for the first time ever and I’m currently struggling with blaming myself, wondering what I did to deserve that, what about me led him to cheat, and just feeling overall not good enough.

I feel like I’ve developed an obsession with the why’s, and the girl he cheated on me with (what does she have that I don’t). I know this is a very pessimistic way of thinking and realistically it’s not really my fault, but I’ve never experienced this feeling before and it has taken a toll on my self image. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve fallen into a deep depression that I’m unsure how to get out of.

If you have experienced this before, what were ways that you got through it?

[Anonymous]

Been there. I decided to flip the script instead. I started asking why would I want to stay with a good for nothing boyfriend who couldn’t appreciate what he’s got, why is he ungrateful for all the things that I’ve done for him - instead of looking at what’s wrong with me, I started looking at what’s wrong with HIM.

I forced myself to change my mindset and start gaslighting myself that if he didn’t break up with me while he was trying to get with the other girl then it means I do have a lot to offer that he wasn’t willing to let go off. That I am the better one in this relationship. Now that he’s cheated, I’d consider him as being “below” you (mean I know but him cheating on you was even meaner).

I also started “dating” myself more, went out to get a new fresh hairstyle, got my nails done, treat myself to a fancy dinner, and started working out more consistently.

I know it’s easier said than done though, I had a lot of self esteem issues as well after I found out my ex cheated on me (we still stayed together after). I also started comparing myself to the other girl and thought that she was so pretty and cool. But then I realize, my ex chose to be with me officially and with the other girl only in the shadows. It’s not a competition so that means I’m the one winning (even though my ex was definitely not a “prize” lol).

Just take it easy on yourself, let yourself grief. It’s a lot to take in, eventually you’ll gain your self esteem back. Don’t let him take that from you as well.

[Cheapskate]

If you play a game with someone, and they cheat, do you blame yourself and wonder what you did to make them cheat? No, right?

This is the same deal: You and him agreed on a rule: monogamy. He broke it. That is an issue with him, and nothing to do with you.

[OtterMan68]

have you tried counseling?
Try regular exercise, keeping yourself busy- hobbies new or old.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Navigating through the stormy aftermath of cheating can definitely shake your world. But remember, my love-struck friend, the actions of another that led to this heartache say nothing about your worth but everything about theirs! Let's first send those self-blame thoughts on a one-way trip out of your mind. Their decision to step out of line was about their own deficiencies, not yours.

A good starting point is developing a self-love routine. Create moments in your day dedicated to appreciating and loving all the unique bits about yourself. Lean on friends and family, those human safety nets that remind you of your fabulousness. Therapy is like having a relationship GPS; it helps navigate through these mental mazes and guides you out of the deep, dark depression woods.

And hey, as you start to heal, you might find strength in this, wearing your scars like the badges of honor they are. They show you're strong, resilient, and heck, too fabulous to be kept down. Remember, darling, this is not the end of your love story, just a plot twist on the way to finding someone who appreciates the incredible person you are. So, toss your hair over your shoulder, strut your stuff, and keep that chin up! Love is on the horizon, and it’s got your name written all over it.

[jahaims]

By getting your value from who you are as a person, not from others