Search Results: appeal of an ex

My boyfriend and I are having problems, and I've come to the conclusion that the main cause is he doesn't talk to me. I tell him a lot-that I miss him when he's gone, that I'd look after his mother, that I've made a lot of effort in this relationship, that I need him to tell me what he wants me to do when he goes to business school. He just tells me I'm beautiful or he misses me. He's never said he loves me even though he shows it. He never tells me what he wants, he's selfless and just says "idk". I think it's because he's captain in special ops, and so he's trained to be like a robot. Recently he's been accusing me of cheating cause of apparent "signs" he saw-but I never cheated on him, at least not physically. His suspicions started when he was on one of his missions for work and I emailed him I was having mixed feelings. Ever since then he's being overbearing and suspects me. Last night he said that because of what I wrote to him (about my doubts) and because of this sore I have on my lip, he suspected I'm cheating. I had a long talk with him today, including all of what I just wrote, convincing him I never cheated, and he told me bout an ex who cheated on him, that's why he feels paranoid. NOW, the problem is that I seem to have convinced him I never cheated-because I haven't BUT I haven't told him I do actually have strong affections for sb else. This guy is direct with me, was there for me when I was in a major accident while my boyfriend was on mission, expressed more worry than my boyfriend, compliments me and tells me he cares about me. He inspires me. He believes in me. He's open about his problems. I've always been the kind of girl who appreciates directness/talent/vulnerability in men, so he's just been very appealing to me. I love my boyfriend. We have fun together and he's very sweet and romantic. But he's not direct, doesn't inspire me and doesn't say he believes in me. What should I do?

So ok I understand we all feel certain ways at certain times and maybe don’t want to discuss it. And that is perfectly fine. However seems to me that once a person crosses the threshold from quiet to telling, you are no longer choosing to keep it private. Now you are openly angry but refusing to do anything rarional or productive.

It is a hefty decision that doesn’t make you look all that grand. I’m wondering why not dealing with whatever the issue is, is more appealing than taking it out. Provided you have already lost your shit and promptly been asked what the problem is... Why the secrecy then?

Ex.

Guy ( or girl) friend asks you out.

You get pissed and yell at him that he is confusing you...

He scratches his head and asks politely what the problem is as he has been as clear as he can think. He thought you were interested but maybe he was mistaken?

You go silent 🤨😐 🤷‍♀️

Are you angey he's violated the friendship?

Do you feel he is playing games?

Do you just hate people?

Why not follow through and say the problem.

Just an example can be any sex and any problem. I witnessed this one so it stuck in my mind. And points out how the person on receiving end can literally have no idea what is going on , even though could be crystal clear to you.

I do not like appearing clueless. I also do not lose my temper. Only way I can think that I would not explain upon being asked , is if I didn’t actually know why I was angry, and that embarrassed me...