When it comes to relationships and marriage are all women cold hearted or just some when they find another lover and end their current relationship?

When it comes to relationships and marriage are all women cold hearted or just some when they find another lover and end their current relationship?

This is question not a take on this subject.

I have noticed a trend that seems to be much more common in women than men when it comes to the subject of love and dating. I have seen this in both sexes, but mainly women. My statements are not meant to serve as a sweeping enditement against women, I'm just looking for honest answers and seeking understanding.

The trend I've noticed is that it seems many women, who when in a relationship or married who find another guy more appealing than their current partner dump their current partner in the most heartless of ways and without shame.

2 examples I'll site are my fathers experience and my own for a frame of reference.

My dad was a good dude. He wasn't perfect, but who is? He provided for his family. Was faithful to my mother. Worked exceedingly hard to provide the very best for all of us he could. He was a father who was activly involved with myself and my sisters. He was a man's man. He was not weak or wimpy in any way. He was not a push over. He was morally a good and principled man who loved my mother genuinely and myself and sisters. I of course was not privy to the privet aspects a husband and wife share then nor now. I'm stating what I can objectively observe. His main flaws were that he sometimes would forget things my mother wanted him to do. Not intentionally or out of neglect, just being busy. He could also be short tempered but was never abusive in any way. It seemed his main desire and undertaking was to give the best of himself he could out of love. He was not a man of doing the minimum required, but of giving all he had for us and did so gladly, without hesitation or complaint, despite the fact it was often very difficult for him to do so.

I love my mother but for the perpouses of this question I'm going to have to be objective and critical of her as well. My mother was and is exceedingly selfish and opinionated. I can recall when we were about 9 my parents baught a new house. My grandmother was wealthy and give them a lot of money for this. This house was literally a mansion and came with 3 acres of land. The land was an empty lot way out in the suburbs. My father and I poured tuns of labor into it. We had to clear it of a veritable forest of small trees and shrubs by hand with hand tools. My father and I with only 2 small rakes also cleared that land of all rocks tiny, and large in order to plant grass on those 3 achers. It took us nearly a year and a half to do all of this. My father would work 12 hours a day graveyards as a respiratory therapist in a hospital. He was also physically in somewhat poor condition due to complications from frequent exposure to agent orange during the Vietnam War. Despite all of this he would get about 4 hours of sleep or less during the time we did this work and more he did. Never once did my mother bring either of us a pitcher of ice water while we worked. Never once did I hear her thank my dad. Never once did she make him a meal he really wanted only what she liked. Never once did she massage his muscles which ached. On the contrary. She complained about him relentlessly. Complained he sometimes fell asleep in the recliner. After they divorced she called him lazy and forgetful and cited that as justification for her affair. When she wanted hard wood floors in that house, (he wanted carpet) he laid aside his wishes and installed them by hand himself. It took him 4 months. He even had trouble walking from being on his knees for so long installing the wood floor. When my mom felt we didn't have enough privacy from our neighbors, he installed a literal wall of tall pine trees, with me and my grandfather along the side of the the house that faced the neighbors. It took us 3 weekends to finish. Again same thing with the floors and trees as when we cleared the land. No support. My mother spent those 3 weekends sunning herself by our pool while we slaved away. I even recall my grandfather (her father) getting irritated and remarking how hard we worked and not only did she not help, she didn't even make us lunch or bring us out a pitcher of lemon aid or something. To me it seems very clear my father loved my mother and did whatever he knew to do to meet her needs and wants. Truth be told I would have told her to go pound salt on half of those requests.

Despite this, she had an affair and left my father for a man who was angry, violent at times and not a good man nor kind remotely. I can speak volumes about him, but won't. She pined for him and loved him to death and to his dying day despite all of this and dispised my farther

When they devorced she took the house, and most of the furniture, one of our cars, alimony, child support, retained custody of myself and my sisters. After and while she divorce raped him, she set about demonizing him and made him out to be a lazy and neglectful oaf which I see as grossly unfair.

In short, when she wanted to be with my step father she discarded my dad like a used piece of tissue. As if she had no value as a human being. As if she never loved him or never had children with him. To his dying day she made unfair critical and insulting remarks about him. As if he never loved her and never did a thing for her. She seemed to be compleatly blind to how much he did for her. After she divorced him he eventually happily remarried, but not before having to live in his parents basement for quite a while and in poverty after my mother took everything from him in court. NO ONE approved of what she did. She's not the first person to have an affair and it's astounding how her own family including extended family and even my stepfather's family all condemed what they both did. I have never seen such an outcry over an affair someone had in my life and at my stepfathers funeral in January, even his own brother remarked how vile their affair was.

On to me. My story is nearly the same as my dad's. I'm very much my father's son and am just like him in almost everyway, as many have remarked. I gave my wife all I had. 100% always. Never half assed anything from raising her son as my own or meeting her needs. She tried to divorce rape me and failed. She left me for a low life drug dealing thug who has been arrested for many things including attempted murder, domestic battery, and home invasion. Despite this he doesn't treat my ex well at all last I knew (not that I care) and she swears they're soulmates. When our divorce was final, I told her I never wanted to hear from her again and cut off all contact.

I have seen this same stroy line play out with many other guys married and not and observed how every time women do this they take all they can from their former lovers in a sense of entitlement and throw them out as if they were an old milk carton when they are done in favor of a new lover. I have noticed how in these scenarios when they are with the guy they left the view him almost as an expendable resource and discard the guy when done as one would throw out an old pair of shoes. As if he is not the father of their children. As if they never loved him. As if he's some inanimate object that isn't even a human being. I can rationalize falling in love with another man while in a relationship, but can't the insane, often undeserved demonization of their former lover and coldness with which these women do this. I have seen this same pattern in my marriage, with my father, and roughly 30 other guys including other family members, friends and coworkers. I have seen guys I know do this only twice and they were without a doubt raging narcissists. I have also noticed when all who do this, do it, they play along as if everything is fine in the relationship while they secretly plan and plot, instead of just being forthright and ending the relationship to be with another person.

This brings me to my question. Why? Are all women like this? Only some? Many or few? Even with ex girlfriends who did nothing as vile as I previously mentioned they treated me as a non entity when they ended it. As if it didn't suck for me, but like it was no big deal to them. I can see justification for that if I acted like an a*shole towards them when we were together, but that was never the case and I have observed this with many other guys who get dumped. Do all women view their lovers as objects to be used and discarded at will? This behavior seems quite sociopathic and narcissistic. Is it only sociopaths and narcissists who do this? Why leave a man who's good to you for a total turd who is of extremely questionable influence on your children and could care less about them anyway? Why do these new women burn with passion for these awful men they choose to be with instead, and demonize their former lovers with such ferocity? All my life all I have heard is that women are the sensitive ones and nurturers, having mother like qualities, yet I have observed a marked callousness by them in this area.

I have my theories on most of these questions, but I'd love to hear all of your thoughts on this.

My thanks to all who answer in reply.

When it comes to relationships and marriage are all women cold hearted or just some when they find another lover and end their current relationship?
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Most Helpful Girl

  • WriterAndPainter

    At the end of the day I think it's really about how someone was raised. Some people have such a sense of entitlement that they destroy themselves while destroying others in the process. Women have been raised that they are to depend on a man and not themselves. I don't think it's a gender problem more than an individual problem. Men in view are loving creatures that want nothing more or less than a woman wants. There are some women that are relentless and how they treat their partner and vice versa, but people also get treated how they allow themselves to be treated. I can give you my life example that I've been with my person for nearly 14 years, and for the vast majority of that he treated me like yesterday's trash until one day I had enough of it and I left and I told him I would not come back until he learned how to treat me like an equal and that was if I decided to come back. I will always put aside my own personal needs for the greater good of my family, but it is hard to maintain a relationship with all of you doesn't really necessarily want it all the time. That doesn't give permission to step out because if someone doesn't want to be in something, that doesn't give someone the right to lead other people on and destroy them. There are times where I feel like I have found a pathway to greener pastures, but all pastors have shit in them and so I don't stray because I know how to fix what's wrong with my relationship more than I know how to start a new one.

    Is this still revelant?
    • You make some great points here. I'm am thankful for your well thought out answer. I agree with most of what you said.

      I think to some extent this is a gender issue. I think both sexes have predispotions towards some things. I think this is in some ways a gender issue as men are generally taught to put their needs and wants aside for their SO. I think because of some of the effects of feminism that women are afforded greater leeway in divorces and tend to get priveleges men don't. I think the result is these two things combined have allowed women with few morals and little character to take advantage of the general societal expetions of men and use the laws in their favor. In matters outside divorce. as well. I think it has also allowed women who didn't necessarily plan to do these things to think twice about doing them and indeed a few do. I also think for women it's much, much easier to find a willing partner. Most guys unless they are very good looking or wealthy don't get hit much.

    • Even below average women get approached and hit on all the time, so they can quickly find someone who's interested. Granted, they may have no interest in the one whose approaching them always or even often, but most unless they're obese or otherwise extremely unattractive can easily find a willing partner for at the least a one night stand. Women with low or no morals also can use this to their advantage.

      I think the constant droneing of feminists has also created a general narcissistic attitude amongst women. I see girls all the time complain their single. Can't find a guy. Upon further inquiry they're often at least slightly chubby, maybe have a couple of kids, live at home, are a 6/10 at best, and expect a guy who's as wealthy as Trump, handsome as Brad Pitt (used to be I don't know whose the current celebrity heartthrob for women), and has a mansion in Malibu Beach. Often they think they deserve no less. Where did that sense of entitlement come from?

    • Oh feminism is brutal these days! The modern day American woman for example has no idea (98%) what it's like for real struggles. Susan B. Anthony was a true feminist. Lol oops I meant pastures lol Siri.. okay, so anyhow. I find it easier for both men and women to cheat equally because there's always someone willing to cast a line into the unknown. Men aren't treated equally in divorce, assaults, custody etc so I'm waiting for a movement for that from men.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • KnightCross

    let me share u a "secret". u do know the bible and u know that verse of Ecclesiastes where it says that "nothing is new under the sun" right?

    so what if the history in ur family is repeating? i mean, you said that other people said that you are like your father. so what if unconsciously u are following exactly his footsteps?

    my point is: it's not the blame of feminism per se or the blame on women's cold nature per se. because after all, we have all spectres of humans here, and i know a story of my sister's female friend who got dumped and treated with mockery by her ex after their break up (my sister's friend is still a virgin and very extremely religious and dated that guy for 4 years around)

    so my advice is:there are women who suck and are not worth the same way there are men who suck and are not worth. so you should just try to not imitate ur father in every he did. of course, as you described him he was a good model of father and husband, but you are you, and not him. not trying to be ur therapist though, but that's my advice for u

    Is this still revelant?
    • On the note of history repeating, I don't think that's the case, but what I think may be possible is that I may have been pre conditioned by my mother as she's the first woman I had a relationship with, to be comfortable with women who don't treat me well or who are otherwise emotionally unavailable. Still analyzing that though.

    • Only problem with my theory is, not all the girls I dated were like that.

    • " I think may be possible is that I may have been pre conditioned by my mother as she's the first woman I had a relationship with, to be comfortable with women who don't treat me well or who are otherwise emotionally unavailable" >>>> exactly! i'm not a bachelor in Psychology but i feel that you are following ur father's footsteps because of that.

      what u need to do is to break this "curse", in a metaphorical way. u need to reshape ur mind to not being used to the things u were pre conditioned to do that. maybe a therapist can help u

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • MlleCake

    ALL women are never just one way. And while women do cheat, men cheat more frequently, statistically speaking. This ignores all the many men and women who never cheat and break-up for other reasons, or stay together. You're very jaded by some specific personal experiences, but that doesn't reflect all women.

    • Jaded would be a poor word. War path pissec and looking to take scalps would be better.

      I'm certain all are not this way. I think it's time for a revaluation of the statistics. Last time they were checked, women were catching up. Also have seen more women cheat than men based on observation of my friends of both sexes.

  • madhatters4

    all women certainly don't do this. i know plenty of women specifically who ended relationships that didn't do it in a cold hearted way

    as always it just comes down to the individual

    • I have observed in any relationship I didn't end first that women have already left the relationship emotionally months prior. They end it when it's convient for them. When they do, they've already come to terms previously, so they just walk away and I'm usually like, WTF? Knew things weren't going well. In most cases was contemplating ending it myself. Seen this over and over again with other guys too.

    • Also, don't believe all are like this, many or most, I do for certain as this extends well beyond only my personal experience into the experience of others.