This is question not a take on this subject.
I have noticed a trend that seems to be much more common in women than men when it comes to the subject of love and dating. I have seen this in both sexes, but mainly women. My statements are not meant to serve as a sweeping enditement against women, I'm just looking for honest answers and seeking understanding.
The trend I've noticed is that it seems many women, who when in a relationship or married who find another guy more appealing than their current partner dump their current partner in the most heartless of ways and without shame.
2 examples I'll site are my fathers experience and my own for a frame of reference.
My dad was a good dude. He wasn't perfect, but who is? He provided for his family. Was faithful to my mother. Worked exceedingly hard to provide the very best for all of us he could. He was a father who was activly involved with myself and my sisters. He was a man's man. He was not weak or wimpy in any way. He was not a push over. He was morally a good and principled man who loved my mother genuinely and myself and sisters. I of course was not privy to the privet aspects a husband and wife share then nor now. I'm stating what I can objectively observe. His main flaws were that he sometimes would forget things my mother wanted him to do. Not intentionally or out of neglect, just being busy. He could also be short tempered but was never abusive in any way. It seemed his main desire and undertaking was to give the best of himself he could out of love. He was not a man of doing the minimum required, but of giving all he had for us and did so gladly, without hesitation or complaint, despite the fact it was often very difficult for him to do so.
I love my mother but for the perpouses of this question I'm going to have to be objective and critical of her as well. My mother was and is exceedingly selfish and opinionated. I can recall when we were about 9 my parents baught a new house. My grandmother was wealthy and give them a lot of money for this. This house was literally a mansion and came with 3 acres of land. The land was an empty lot way out in the suburbs. My father and I poured tuns of labor into it. We had to clear it of a veritable forest of small trees and shrubs by hand with hand tools. My father and I with only 2 small rakes also cleared that land of all rocks tiny, and large in order to plant grass on those 3 achers. It took us nearly a year and a half to do all of this. My father would work 12 hours a day graveyards as a respiratory therapist in a hospital. He was also physically in somewhat poor condition due to complications from frequent exposure to agent orange during the Vietnam War. Despite all of this he would get about 4 hours of sleep or less during the time we did this work and more he did. Never once did my mother bring either of us a pitcher of ice water while we worked. Never once did I hear her thank my dad. Never once did she make him a meal he really wanted only what she liked. Never once did she massage his muscles which ached. On the contrary. She complained about him relentlessly. Complained he sometimes fell asleep in the recliner. After they divorced she called him lazy and forgetful and cited that as justification for her affair. When she wanted hard wood floors in that house, (he wanted carpet) he laid aside his wishes and installed them by hand himself. It took him 4 months. He even had trouble walking from being on his knees for so long installing the wood floor. When my mom felt we didn't have enough privacy from our neighbors, he installed a literal wall of tall pine trees, with me and my grandfather along the side of the the house that faced the neighbors. It took us 3 weekends to finish. Again same thing with the floors and trees as when we cleared the land. No support. My mother spent those 3 weekends sunning herself by our pool while we slaved away. I even recall my grandfather (her father) getting irritated and remarking how hard we worked and not only did she not help, she didn't even make us lunch or bring us out a pitcher of lemon aid or something. To me it seems very clear my father loved my mother and did whatever he knew to do to meet her needs and wants. Truth be told I would have told her to go pound salt on half of those requests.
Despite this, she had an affair and left my father for a man who was angry, violent at times and not a good man nor kind remotely. I can speak volumes about him, but won't. She pined for him and loved him to death and to his dying day despite all of this and dispised my farther
When they devorced she took the house, and most of the furniture, one of our cars, alimony, child support, retained custody of myself and my sisters. After and while she divorce raped him, she set about demonizing him and made him out to be a lazy and neglectful oaf which I see as grossly unfair.
In short, when she wanted to be with my step father she discarded my dad like a used piece of tissue. As if she had no value as a human being. As if she never loved him or never had children with him. To his dying day she made unfair critical and insulting remarks about him. As if he never loved her and never did a thing for her. She seemed to be compleatly blind to how much he did for her. After she divorced him he eventually happily remarried, but not before having to live in his parents basement for quite a while and in poverty after my mother took everything from him in court. NO ONE approved of what she did. She's not the first person to have an affair and it's astounding how her own family including extended family and even my stepfather's family all condemed what they both did. I have never seen such an outcry over an affair someone had in my life and at my stepfathers funeral in January, even his own brother remarked how vile their affair was.
On to me. My story is nearly the same as my dad's. I'm very much my father's son and am just like him in almost everyway, as many have remarked. I gave my wife all I had. 100% always. Never half assed anything from raising her son as my own or meeting her needs. She tried to divorce rape me and failed. She left me for a low life drug dealing thug who has been arrested for many things including attempted murder, domestic battery, and home invasion. Despite this he doesn't treat my ex well at all last I knew (not that I care) and she swears they're soulmates. When our divorce was final, I told her I never wanted to hear from her again and cut off all contact.
I have seen this same stroy line play out with many other guys married and not and observed how every time women do this they take all they can from their former lovers in a sense of entitlement and throw them out as if they were an old milk carton when they are done in favor of a new lover. I have noticed how in these scenarios when they are with the guy they left the view him almost as an expendable resource and discard the guy when done as one would throw out an old pair of shoes. As if he is not the father of their children. As if they never loved him. As if he's some inanimate object that isn't even a human being. I can rationalize falling in love with another man while in a relationship, but can't the insane, often undeserved demonization of their former lover and coldness with which these women do this. I have seen this same pattern in my marriage, with my father, and roughly 30 other guys including other family members, friends and coworkers. I have seen guys I know do this only twice and they were without a doubt raging narcissists. I have also noticed when all who do this, do it, they play along as if everything is fine in the relationship while they secretly plan and plot, instead of just being forthright and ending the relationship to be with another person.
This brings me to my question. Why? Are all women like this? Only some? Many or few? Even with ex girlfriends who did nothing as vile as I previously mentioned they treated me as a non entity when they ended it. As if it didn't suck for me, but like it was no big deal to them. I can see justification for that if I acted like an a*shole towards them when we were together, but that was never the case and I have observed this with many other guys who get dumped. Do all women view their lovers as objects to be used and discarded at will? This behavior seems quite sociopathic and narcissistic. Is it only sociopaths and narcissists who do this? Why leave a man who's good to you for a total turd who is of extremely questionable influence on your children and could care less about them anyway? Why do these new women burn with passion for these awful men they choose to be with instead, and demonize their former lovers with such ferocity? All my life all I have heard is that women are the sensitive ones and nurturers, having mother like qualities, yet I have observed a marked callousness by them in this area.
I have my theories on most of these questions, but I'd love to hear all of your thoughts on this.
My thanks to all who answer in reply.