So ladies this Take is especially dedicated to y'all. I've read other Takes about this and I felt that people couldn't genuinely list out what makes men unhappy and discontent in their relationships. So let me begin with what are NOT the deal breakers.(atleast by me)
1) Not giving any suprises or presents on those special occasions.
You'll never see most guys go,
"She never got me anything or did anything special for me. Should I break up with her?"
A romantic gesture is more than welcome, but let's face it,
Men by principal buy what they need over what they want, and there really isn't a lot to choose from to give to guys aside from those tech gadgets(which most women, I'm sorry, have really no idea about). Or the wrist watch, or that shoe and shirt and the list is really limited.
2) Taking Time For Yourself.
We men get it, we really do, but this tends to backfire on us because we know when a girl's quiet, trouble's usually brewing. The externally silent but internally violent thing. Yeah, men kinda get that too. But to us, when you wanna be alone, it means you wanna be alone.(Guys are sooo stupid, I know.)
3) Spending Time With Your Girlfriends.
Yes! We know you all wanna let your hair down and chill with your pals, we understand how much you'll need each other. And its a great way to unwind and relax from the stresses of a relationship. Sometimes ditching us to refresh yourself is actually fine. And some guys actually welcome it, we have guy's time out too.
And now I'll split this topic Two ways, the Pre Dating phase and Dating phase.
Pre Dating Phase.
Yes as the name implies, you can screw yourself over even before you can begin a relationship with the guy,
Ok, so you're interested in a guy and he's interested in you too, but none of you have made the move, so what can you do to lose the dude.
1. Play Too Hard To Get.
Ok so you're getting there, and the guy shows an obvious interest in you. But somehow things are slow as hell, so what do you do? Show a sudden loss of interest or pretend to shift your focus elsewhere. Now for the most part playing hard to get CAN actually work, if you play equal bars of Hot and Cold. But the problem is....
MOST women SUCK at playing hard to get. You need to take the initiative to make him take his initiative. Or better yet, just go G.I Jane and say 'hey bro, I like you, no homo'
It works like a charm, but most gals drop from hot to cold at the speed of light.
Guys be like.
Yup, don't blame the guys for not picking weak ass signals or not to have taken the direct approach.
2) Friendzoning The Dude(Ouchie)
Now, in this case, you maybe want to have the guy try harder to make sure he acertains you ain't easy or maybe you just aren't ready yet, but that doesn't mean the guy shouldn't move on.... A rejection is a rejection. A no is a no. Anything else, but, ifs, else's don't matter unless the guy is really really into you or is just desperate. A guy like any girl, has the right to move on, you can't hold it against him. Don't blame the dude if this happens to you.
3) String Him Up And Leave Him High And Dry
Now this is a rarer, not so frequent case, a girl might genuinely like the guy and there might be chemistry between them but because of initial attraction, or a preemptive quality, a girl may decide to date another guy.
In my opinion, this is the worst thing that can happen guy, being led on and then sent crashing. This is the absolute no return zone. 99.9% surity that you'll never get your guy if you do this.
And more importantly...
The Dating/Relationship Phase.
Congratulations on getting your man.
Now, Getting the guy you want is one thing and keeping him is entirely another.
The things you can do to screw up with a guy, I believe, are as follows.
1. Being Overly Dependent.
Ladies, in this DIY generation, I highly recommend learning a few lifestyle hacks that are generally stereotyped on men, like fixing stuff or bargaining the bill you know to be unfair when your paper guy or cable guy tries to fake it etc etc. Don't become too dependent on the guy, you'll only slow him down and render yourself incapable AND in turn make that relationship all the more frustrating.
2. Feigning Interest In The Things He Likes
Pretending, is not appreciated, we'd much rather know what's going on in your mind, you DON'T have to be interested in what we like, but perhaps we can find something mutual, like, for example, many guys are into gaming, many women are not. Persuading yourself to sit with him for a round of gaming when you obviously have no interest in it, will just make you hate it more than you already dislike it. It makes you begin hating your man's hobbies which definitely influence the relationship negatively. Rather be frank about it, and do something you both like together. Yes, guys are open to mutual fun.
3. Genuine Lack Of Appreciation.
Now ladies, kindly see that I didn't misappropriate Appreciation for Gratitude, we don't expect you all to be grateful, because that just kills the relationship(no, not gratitude itself but the EXPECTATION of gratitude). But we want to be appreciated every now and then, we want to be acknowledged by the women we love, it gives us the motivation to strive harder. A kind from the heart does more good than you can possibly imagine. I'm talking about Rocky-Adrain kinda stuff here.
4. Not Giving Him His Space.
OMG, I cannot exaggerate how crucial this is. A guy needs his space, just as a girl needs her space. Think of it like this, a guy will retreat into his mental man cave, where he's the most immersed thought and is essentially his way of unwinding. Think a girl being quiet is scary? When you see a guy being quiet, leave him be, if he wanted to tell you about what's troubling him, he already would have. Now unless you don't wanna be mauled by a bear, let the guy meditate in silence, he'll get back to you soon. So next time you see his 'Do Not Disturb' aura hanging about him, leave him be unless you want the male version of PMS.
5. Taking Him For Granted.
Both gals and guys do this. But ok, let's keep it neutral, your relationship is based on give and take, not take and take. This kind of mindset leads to emotional abuse and other extremes in relationships. A lack of mutual respect is the easiest, surest method to kill a relationship.
6. Sex, sex and sex, NOT everything is about sex.
Ladies, open confession, men are just as emotional as women, after all, we're human beings. Just cause we're not very good at showing them or rather better at suppressing them doesn't mean we aren't emotional. We are. When we want intercourse, we look for an emotional connection, it is possible that we find it more easily than women but that doesn't mean men are all about just sex, all men want sex, but sex isn't all what men want. The main mistakes that women make here I feel are
A. Attribute men to be just sexual and not emotional at all. Essentially leading them to believe that men are just horny and nothing more. Not true. If that were the case, would women really have at shot enjoying sex?
B. Act like sex is a favor, well.... I'm not gonna elaborate this one. And no, I don't think of women as the submissive sex at all.
C. Tease and no sex? Come on, don't get your man's hopes up and diss him in the end. That's like the cockblockzilla to men.
D. Men have days when they just don't wanna do it too. It doesn't mean we're not getting wood, it just we have no mood for it. And no, it definitely doesn't mean we're banging other women and cheating on you.
E. Periods, ladies, this we understand, we must understand, but if you're gonna ask questions like 'do you think my periods are cute?' And say stuff like 'periods are not gross, but that its our mentality thats gross' You're way in over your heads. Periods are gross and painful, it takes a toll on men too. We're more than ready to lend a helping hand. I mean have you ever seen your guy going
Honestly... I could do a whole Take about this, but I think these points are sufficient here.
7. The Emotional Punching Bag.
Again, gender neutral stuff, BUT women can be more emotionally abusive than men, disagree? See nagging.
8. Gossiping Out Our Intimate Moments To Friends.
Ladies, its true, men kiss and tell. But that's as far as only sex is concerned. We don't go about talking about your intimate issues to our pals. Men's who do this, aren't men. Period. Our hopes and aspirations, our deepest thoughts are exclusively for you only. Its no one else's business.
9. Lies, lies and more lies.
Lying hurts, white ones, grey ones, black ones. Lies are lies. Gender neutral this. It doesn't matter who lies, but the truth is that the person who gets caught in the lie is not the only one who suffers from the emotional fallout of a lie. You lie, you get caught, you lose trust, no trust? No relationship.
And these are most factors that I feel lead women to screw up with men.
Thanks to @YourFutureEx, @Stacyzee for their valuable input, whom I see as co collobrators as all thats good in this take(yes, kindly direct all criticism towards me, if you have any) @A_Lolita deserves a mention, cause why not? So thanks for reading this long, long take.
Thank you for reading. Ciao. #WhereWomenScrewUp