If there is anything that this past month has afforded me, it has been the opportunity to reflect. That is, to reflect upon recent events and their consequences as well as my own emotions. From the dichotomy between what I *thought* I believed about women and what I have actually experienced from them, the results have been surprising to say in the least. Truly eye-opening.
#1) Appearances Can be Deceptive
If you had approached me about this topic a few months ago, my answer would have been predictable: appearances mean everything. You can deduce a plethora of information about women from the type of clothing that they wear to the way they talk. Hasty generalizations! But my recent experiences in the workplace have been interesting to say in the least. I have learned that in reality, there is very little you can deduce about a woman from such trivial factors. For example, I would have thought that the seemingly innocent young Christian girl who rides horses would have been wholesome, selfless, and loving. Well, we all saw how that worked out for me. I likewise would have thought that the goth girl with piercings, tattoos, and dark makeup would have been the stereotypical liberal feminist atheist. That was until I discovered her praying in the break room and learned that she was actually very innocent, wholesome, and genuine despite her unorthodox appearance. The big intimidating lesbian with the short hair whom I was almost certain would be mean and unpleasant? She was one of the nicest and most caring of my coworkers.
I learned that after a while, I was wrong
Appearances can be deceptive, and avoiding hasty generalizations is not just a gutless act of political correctness but an actual necessity because not everyone is the same. More significantly however, I learned that this is especially the case as it pertains to female emotions. I learned that just because a woman appears happy, content, and innocent, it does not mean that she is truly any of those things. The woman who dragged my name through the mud, she appeared innocent, happy, and sweet. She even flirted with me and engaged in conversation. I thought we had something good going. But she turned out to be very deceptive, cunning, and dishonest. Likewise, many of the women whom I was initially averse to actually ended up being very nice, friendly, and genuine.
Thus, appearances can be deceptive, and you cannot judge a woman until you get to know her. The fact that women are so proficient at hiding their true colors makes it that much more important.
#2) With Age Comes Maturity
I have always had a thing for older women. But never before had I understood it as well as I do now. I have learned that age truly does play an important part in how mature a person is, and that depending upon the stage in life, a few years truly can entail a world of differences. Pursuing a 17 year old was a bad idea, simply put, up there with disco and Reaganomics. Three years may not sound very significant in the long run, but when hormones, emotions, and maturity are involved, then it might as well have just been a hundred years. Females are very complex creatures, even when they seem happy, content, and simple. More often than not, there is an emotional train wreck of estrogen and tears behind that cute, smiling young girl. Refer to my previous point about women being so adept at hiding their emotions and appearances being deceptive.
Never again will I pursue a younger woman
Older women, like all older people I assume, have had more time to mature and outgrow the baggage of their youth. From the age of 24 to 30, I think women are the most approachable, sincere, and down to Earth. Never has an older woman looked down upon me or dragged my name through the mud the way a younger one has. Moreover, older women have a more realistic view of the world and what they truly want out of life. They have learned to derive happiness not externally but from themselves within. This is in stark contrast to younger women who need attention from other people in order to feel "wanted" and/or "validated." I believe that attention to younger women is akin to what sex is to younger men. Both have the power to drive them to make faulty choices.
From this moment on, I will stick only to older women.
#3) Virginity is Not the Only Thing that Counts
I have always been rigid about this. Virginity is an absolute must in a woman. No hymen no diamond. A woman's sexual past informs us of her present and future. While the latter statement may be true, I have learned that virginity is not the only thing that counts, and that you cannot entirely judge a woman based off of her sexual past alone. People make mistakes and engage in stupid and immoral decisions. But they also learn, and grow as individuals. And thus, while I will never agree with the feminist notion that men are somehow obligated to accept slutty women after they have finished having their fun, I also do not believe that you should automatically dismiss a woman either just because she has a past or made some stupid, slutty decisions in her life.
Learning is a part of being a human.
Because many of these women are good people. From former prostitutes, strippers, and sex workers to basic sluts and single mothers, sometimes the greatest people in life are the disenfranchised. Take my supervisor the head cashier for example. She is the rocker type whom I know is sexually liberal, and probably a lesbian in the closet who is afraid to come out. And yet, she was the one who hugged me when I was on the verge of crying at work, and consoled me when no one else was there. When she talks to me, she actually talks to me like an equal, like another person, opposed to a subordinate or someone inferior like so many women have to me in my life before. For that reason alone, she is one of the friends I truly love in life even if I know we will never be together.
The same goes for single mothers, women whom we would traditionally consider less appealing because they carry baggage and the like. And granted, while no man should allow himself to be taken advantage of, not all single mothers are bad people either. Many of them are some of the nicest and most genuine women I have ever met. Perhaps the struggles they face with motherhood, being alone, and the sorrow of it all has caused them to be more humble and appreciative of the little things. Never will they consider themselves "better" than someone else, which is more than most of us can say about ourselves. I wish I had the Christian humility of a single mother.
Thus, I guess what I am trying to say is this: do not automatically dismiss a woman just because she is disenfranchised, not a virgin, or made some stupid sexual decisions in life. Granted, you should be careful and not just settle for any ex-slut who decides that she is done with Chad Thundercock. But you should not outrightly dismiss all women with a past either. Because if you do, then you are hurting no one but yourself. You are depriving yourself of many sincerely good women who would make incredibly loving partners, if only you can learn to forgive and focus on the future.
#4) What Matters Most is Surprising
Finally, the main thing I learned about women and my own particular tastes in them is that in the end, what matters most is very surprising. What I thought I wanted out of a woman is vastly different from what I actually want out of a woman after garnering a little bit of experience. This revelation has been astounding. I learned that what matters most to me in a woman is not that she is a virgin or the perfect traditional girl, but that she actually speaks to me as an equal and as a person.
Not being dismissed as inferior or unworthy is the most important thing to me. That she actually views me as an equal and respects me as a person is priceless.
At the end of the day, I learned that most of the things I thought I wanted out of a woman were trivial at best. In reality, I could care less about whether or not she is a virgin or can prepare an amazing, five course dinner and give me a lap dance. I learned that when I meet a woman whom I truly "click" with, that is, one who actually believes in me and respects me as a person the way my mother does, few things matter after that. I am drawn to women who speak to me as an equal, ones who do not think that they are somehow "better" than me or that I have to prove myself to them.
Is this why so many amazingly attractive, 10/10 women settle for overweight losers in the end? Because they actually respect them and treat them as people and not objects?
I would rather be with an ex-prostitute who has slept with thousands of men but at least speaks to me as a person and regards me as an equal than I would a "pure" woman who has never even masturbated but always speaks condescendingly toward me and views herself as superior. When my supervisor for example hugs me and says that I can come to her at any time, my thoughts are not "eww gross, this is a lesbian/she is dirty and unclean" but that "wow, she actually cares!"
In the end, all I want from a woman is to be loved. I do not care if she is a slut or a single mother.