Search Results: letting go

This is something im just discovering about myself is that I desire connecting with other people soo badly that i will go to great and often unhealthy lengths to secure it. And furthermore if i feel like that connection is denied to me or threatened to be taken away i take it out on them. I get anxious and upset. Unfortunately this has driven people away from me. Alienating myself from others. Especially if i felt one really strongly from the beginning and i feel it might be taken away. Its like giving me a taste of the delicious desert without letting me eat the thing later smh.

ill have to change this about myself now. Does anyone else relate to me?

My girlfriend Amber doesn’t let me see her naked anymore, but let’s everyone else see her naked. For example, she walks around naked at night in her living with lights on. Not caring that people outside can see her. The moment I come upstairs she rushes to put on a towel so I don’t see her naked. When she goes swimming with her friend Sadie she changes at Sadie’s house with the door open….. letting everyone see her fully nude. Sadie’s husband and son make jokes about it when when they’re get drunk.

My and Amber have been together for 2 years. We’ve struggled with our sexuality for most of the time. I’ve been on this site before discussing our issues. She never wants sex and dick teases me to only give it up once a month. She always flashes her breasts at me and says “I’m the hottest woman you’ll ever see, and you’re getting none”. I tried to sit down and talk to her about our sex life and how I don’t like how she’s dick teasing me. She got so angry that she broke up with me.

We got back together soon after. When we got back together she said “if you think I’m dick teasing then you won’t see me naked ever”.

So now I’m in a sexless relationship and I never see her naked. I’m emotionally attached to Amber and I’m really attracted to her. It’s hard to leave her. I feel like she’s the best I’ll ever get. It’s gonna near impossible for me to find a new girlfriend at this point. I live with my parents at nearly 35, I only make $24/hour, I’m 5k in debt, and I don’t have any intelligence.

Amber really wants to get married. She told me if I don’t purpose to her by fall she’s going leave me for good. I know I can’t marry Amber but I’m terrified of loosing her. I don’t want anyone else but her. I tried dating other women due our break up and I was still thinking about Amber. These women weren’t really into me. They just liked me for my dick size.