Break Up & Divorce

How to I stop normalizing my trauma?

Ieft my husband's house last week. Even before marriage he was insecure about my past. I had dated one guy before him and he had 3 exes. But he always made my life and worklife difficult by suspecting I'm going somewhere without telling him. if I left my front door for work and didn't inform him he'd freak out. one day I was leaving the elevator when he called and I apologized for not telling him I'm leaving for work bcs I was so late already he shouted I would've gone somewhere else if he hadn't called. afyer marriage he checked my phone Infront of me and checked my texts with my family and friends when he thought I didn't notice. hed always call and video call at work. if there's an event he'd video call to check if a guy is sitting beside me. he shouted and told everyone I'm hanging out with guys when he saw a photo online of my workplace event and a guy was sitting in the next chair. hed say provocative things if I wore a new dress to work saying he never saw the dress before. im wearing new dress for colleagues. if his head was right he'd be oh looking so nice it he's messed up he'd scream and say I'm sleeping with colleagues. I can't leave without telling him even to take out money from ATM. Last day I called him to tell him that I left my work 10 minutes early to go to ATM and heambushed me when I reached our house. shouted in public that I was in a bike with a guy. he holds my hand really tight and hurts a lot. he says he'd punch me in fits of ragebut never does. thjs time I left and he went to a psychiatrist who gave him meds for bipolar disorder, depression and schizophrenia. he's crying and begging for a last chance. when I left I was so traumatized and was sure I'm divorcing this time. but as days went by I'm starting to find faults in myself and minimizing his abuses. what do I do? my care for him is not letting me decide. do they get better? I gave him chances before to but he blasted again and again.

How to I stop normalizing my trauma?
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