Search Results: changing behavior

The only reason I am reposting this for others to answer and see and maybe the one who couldn't because I was having so many errors posting it then only half would post.

When I was quitting drugs and my mind was slipping actually gone it was gone after what I had did at my apartment before I came to live with two of my friends instead of being homeless. I regret how I acted there. So much. When I slept I couldn't control my body I would do this groin grinding action like I was having sex with a ghost. I used to wake up and peak around to make sure no one was seeing. One time it was my dear friend that was so kind to me. I was learning how to read and interact again with society that I had separated myself from for years. I wanted to change I wanted to get stronger because I wanted to be more like my two friends especially the one. One night before I left and before I told her I love here I thought people was going to come in with guns so all night I waited with a knife to bring to a gun fight lol. I understand why she told me to get out. I sent here crazy texts because I was crazy my brain and body was healing slowly and I was struggling to get off the drugs. I wanted instead of tearing down the world around me to make it seem that I am good enough and the people in it to build myself up to be a better person. It was all because I had so much love for one person for who she had always been that I changed I gained my sanity back slowly on the streets by myself the first year I managed to quit the drugs. The second year I realized I was a dry addict with out the drugs and had a fraction of the old behavior with out the drugs. So I gave up a job and a apartment and went to the ogden rescue mission to donate a year of my life to helping others while I help myself doing something I would never have done before. I then went and got my cdl and became manager of a family dollar. I know I acted like that crazy stalker I am feel shame for that.

I've always been an introvert but for most of my life, I was passive and would frequently say yes to things I didn't want to do out of fear of insulting people by saying no. I don't show much emotion because there's simply no emotion to show to others now as I don't attach myself emotionally to hardly anyone else.
This includes family members with the exceptions being the two kids of my cousin and her husband who I do connect with on some levels.

The most notable exception is my long distance girlfriend who's been there for me every step of the way for the past 2 years and I've been there for her as much as I can. Other than that, I aggressively avoid forming connections with anyone but when brought a topic I am passionate about, like firearms, I'm more than happy to make recommendations and show research.

A relatively recent change in my medication for focus and depression that started about 8 months ago has led to a significant shift in my behavior in that I became very assertive and sometimes even aggressive towards others who annoyed me. It's not hard to annoy me though if you're a coworker as all you'd have to do to irritate me is walk into my office and say my name as I like when it's quiet in there.

I do show displeasure towards others when the unwanted contact occurs with my body language bladed away from them and I often don't make eye contact as I just want them out so I can return to things being quiet. I now almost always say no to family gatherings, going out to eat, weekend activities and so on. I simply don't enjoy the company of others and would rather be alone doing activities i enjoy.

However with my girlfriend, I'm the opposite, I'm as warm as can possibly be and I'm always telling her how much I love her and how just knowing that she's on the other side of the screen writing to me brings me warmth and comfort. I'd do anything with her, if she invited me to literally just go kick rocks, I'd say yes and probably have a great time doing it