Search Results: always want it

So many people talk about wanting to be attractive, and it’s not like I don’t get it. I’ve been pretty conventionally unattractive for most of my life, but I don’t see it as a flaw anymore. If anything, I more easily know who’s a good person and who isn’t because they judge me solely off of my looks and know that me being around them gains them nothing that they want for that alone. When you’re attractive, there are absolutely people who are vapid and vain and will gain something by having you in their circles or on their arm and you always hear the stories of women being stalked by men who took good manners as flirtation, or friends losing friends because they lost a beauty factor they once had. It doesn’t seem “real” to me, but when you’re not in that category, it seems like you find more sincere relationships that last much longer.

(Your name),

These past few weeks have been "tearable" (inside joke) but also a huge wake-up call. I’ve done a lot of thinking, and you were right — I needed to get my life together.

I know my choices, especially with drinking, have hurt us. I’m proud to say that today marks one full month sober. I haven’t touched alcohol since that awful night and I never want to again. This time apart has made me realize you mean so much more to me than any bad habit. To make sure I stay on track, I started taking Naltrexone and I begin counseling on November 3rd. This isn’t another empty promise, it's a real change.

In the past month, I’ve passed my real estate exam, picked up extra shifts to pay off my debt, and even started going to the gym again (though I miss my gym partner). I’m doing these things for myself and because I want to be the kind of woman you once believed I could be.

You’ll always be someone I imagined building a life with. No matter what happens, please know how much I love you and how grateful I am that you have been a huge part of pushing me to become my best self.

Whatever happens next, thank you — truly — for everything.

With love,
Emma