Search Results: intimacy

I find it difficult to have empathy for many people under certain circumstances.

For example, this girl is complaining how she is depressed because she can't get a job.

I find it difficult to feel bad because she has a boyfriend and gets to have intimacy. For me, I have never had a girlfriend and haven't so much touched a woman in over 8 years. I never actually made love to a woman. I envy those who get to experience love. All their problems to me are small compared to what I have dealt with. Not only have I been jobless before, but I have also never had a girlfriend, hardly have any friends, and had no life on top of that.

Me (29M) and my fiancé (29F) have been dating for 3 years and been engaged for a little over 6 months. We have wedding plans for July. About a year into our relationship she cheated on me with her ex boyfriend. She told me about it and I told her I could forgive her for it if she stopped talking to him and let him go. Our relationship was great after that and we were both very happy, we got then got engaged after dating for about 2.5 years Anyways about 5 months ago I saw a notification pop up on her phone and it was from him. Turns out that they had been talking daily for who knows how long. We got into a big fight at the time and I told her that I did not want him hanging out in the background of our relationship and she agreed. Then a couple months later I heard his voice on a Snapchat message she was listening to and that turned into another fight, insisted to me that their relationship is just platonic and she’s not trying to get with them. She said she can’t go without talking to him and didn’t see what the problem was as long as they weren’t hanging out. I was not happy about it but agreed that as long as they weren’t hanging out I was ok with it. These last two months have been increasingly hard for us and I feel that there is always tension between us. Intimacy between us has pretty much become non existent. Multiple times the subject of her ex boyfriend has been brought up and caused us to fight. I don’t know that I can marry her knowing that he is still in the picture. Anytime I try to talk with her about working on our relationship she completo shuts down and gives me very little input. I’ve tried so hard to be ok with it but the reality of the situation is that I’m not because I feel that she is still emotionally invested in him and holding out giving emotion to me in our relationship. I just can’t rationally understand why she would want to maintain 24/7 contact with him texting and snap chatting every day when we are supposed to be getting married.

Is it normal to be "too busy" to give a kiss or hug before doing stuff your mind is set on?

Background Info:

I use to want to not touch and love up on my girlfriend due to never doing such before (uncomfortable) and wanting to take things slow, and now the tables have flipped. Been with her for 2-3 years now, love her dearly, and she claims to love me the same, yet it feels like she's always too busy doing stuff to take a moment to feel and appreciate our love.

Whenever I try to catch her leaving or coming in just for a quick kiss or embrace, she either dismisses such by claiming to be "too busy" or aggressively obliges out of frustration. I feel like I'm not asking for much, just 1-5 seconds to take a moment and appreciate what we have is all I want, but maybe I am?

I've discussed such with her before, but we're seemingly reverting back to the same ol' sharades. Usually I'll try and wait for her to finish whatever, but even then she's sometimes like a sack of potatoes and doesn't wanna cuddle much or anything. If she ever does, it's when she's in a particular mood for such.

I've stressed to her how important intimacy is for me, but it seemingly doesn't phase her or she simply keeps forgetting (intentionally or not) and going back to what's normal and easy for her. It makes me feel unappreciated and simply a placebo that any other guy could fill in for her, though she claims otherwise and states she's madly in love with me.

What are your guys and gals opinion? Is this a normal process of long-term relationships? How can this be remedied where I'm not bothering her but she'd be able to and comfortable to show me some loving in the way I want it? Am I asking too much from her? Would more romantic gestures work? I try taking over for whatever it is she's doing sometimes (dishes, cooking, etc) which works sometimes, but generally she's usually always in a groggy mood when she's leaving or coming back home anyways.