Am I right for wanting to end my engagement/relationship?

[Anonymous]

Me (29M) and my fiancé (29F) have been dating for 3 years and been engaged for a little over 6 months. We have wedding plans for July. About a year into our relationship she cheated on me with her ex boyfriend. She told me about it and I told her I could forgive her for it if she stopped talking to him and let him go. Our relationship was great after that and we were both very happy, we got then got engaged after dating for about 2.5 years Anyways about 5 months ago I saw a notification pop up on her phone and it was from him. Turns out that they had been talking daily for who knows how long. We got into a big fight at the time and I told her that I did not want him hanging out in the background of our relationship and she agreed. Then a couple months later I heard his voice on a Snapchat message she was listening to and that turned into another fight, insisted to me that their relationship is just platonic and she’s not trying to get with them. She said she can’t go without talking to him and didn’t see what the problem was as long as they weren’t hanging out. I was not happy about it but agreed that as long as they weren’t hanging out I was ok with it. These last two months have been increasingly hard for us and I feel that there is always tension between us. Intimacy between us has pretty much become non existent. Multiple times the subject of her ex boyfriend has been brought up and caused us to fight. I don’t know that I can marry her knowing that he is still in the picture. Anytime I try to talk with her about working on our relationship she completo shuts down and gives me very little input. I’ve tried so hard to be ok with it but the reality of the situation is that I’m not because I feel that she is still emotionally invested in him and holding out giving emotion to me in our relationship. I just can’t rationally understand why she would want to maintain 24/7 contact with him texting and snap chatting every day when we are supposed to be getting married.

Yes, you should break up with her as long as her and her ex are having daily conversation

No, you should stay with her

[WaterIsland]

The problem is you set a boundary, then she violated it, and instead of holding firm, you moved the goal post. Then it happened again, and you moved the goal post again.


So through your actions, you told her you’re ok with what she’s doing and did.


I understand that you care about her, but you didn’t have enough self respect to hold firm with your boundary you set. Which has created even more problems.


To directly answer your question tho, yes you’re right. I would have ended things before. The fact that she violated your boundaries multiple times, and is now refusing to talk about it would be a dealbreaker for me.

[Guy13]

Man-Up and move on. She’s going to have her cake snd eat it too. She can do without you but not without him. Wake up and get a prenuptial agreement in place

[Jessica405]

I am surprised you have lasted this long! Forgiving her cheating was a green light to carry on. You can't ever undo what happened. Leave now. There is not room for three in a marriage. You will always be wondering what she is up to, like I think you are right now.

Leave, and never go back.

[LazerBean]

You should have ended it as soon as you found out she was cheating.

[Asker]

I know, I should of and wasn’t strong enough to do it then. Even now the thought of ending things makes me sick but I know I can’t go through with marrying her looking at everything now.

[mark000h]

I didn't have to read past "she cheated"