Search Results: it hurts so bad

i confessed my feelings for my online bestie the other day. we've known each other for about only one and a half months but i found myself already liking him that way and wishing we were together as partners, not just besties. this is rare for me, as i've rarely had a crush. we are very compatible and my intuition has been telling me he's the one. both of us havb never been in a relationship yet even though we're uni age. at the very begging, we used to be flirty and playful and he even said he might already like me romantically too, but after a few days, he said he rushed into it a bit too much just because he assumed getting into a relationship would make him feel better but he realized he'd first have to focus on himself through selfcare and improve his self confidence and stuff before getting into relationship and he's not ready for it, especially long distance. also, he said he doesn't know if he really likes me romantically and he's learned not to fall in love easily online from his past experience. i then asked him if there's any chance we could be together in the future after we meet up (probably next year, this December at the earliest but next summer is more likely, but neither is set so i can't be sure ) , but he said he doesn't know because the future is unpredictable to anyone, which is true and he also kept saying he doesn't want me to wait on him since when we meet up and he decides we can't date i'd get hurt and he'd feel bad for making me wait only to get rejected after all in the end and he just wants me to be happy. but i can't help hoping we can be together in the future. should i completely move on from now already ( it'd take time ofc, but i'm resilient so i think i can train myself over time to move on and just stay besties with him ) or is it okay for me to let myself continue liking him that way and secretly wait for him to judge when he comes to my country sometime hopefully next year.

I'm very conflicted undergoing social anxiety complex trauma and depression and anorexia nervosa. Im very down. The last time I was so down was with 16 when I landed in the ER. It is really bad right now. I tried to explain my boyfriend I don't have any energy for our relationship but he had a good childhood he never experienced depression. He will never understand my behaviour and my pain.

he just reciting John legends: all of me. But this isn't it. He told me I should give him a chance and not break things and I opened up about everything I'm going through that's why I wanted to end things bc I'm afraid I make him down too. But when my life sort out I want to relive our relationship again.

Today he said: "I'm afraid you will break up you was distance"

Why can't he understand that this the fcking reason of course I love him and tell him but also I just need time for my own. I can't be a lover right now. Love us not a medicine. But everyone tells me: it is your sickness that speaks. But even though. I hurt him with the way I am because I won't be pretending anything. I don't know what to do. He told me if I break up now or of I insisted in a breaking pause it would not last. But what makes him so sure about thst? I just wonders if that is something because he deep himself thinks this relationship would not last anyway or if this a stated fact?