Boyfriend kissed another girl years ago when we were together and says he doesn’t regret it because he was a kid. That hurt me. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been together on and off for almost 9 years we were 16 when we started dating.

We were talking about being drunk and losing inhibitions etc. when he said that when you’re drunk you don’t do things out of character you just lose inhibition and do things that you wanted to do deep inside. To which I brought up him kissing another girl when we’re around 18 and were in a relationship and how that means he wanted to kiss her and it was Intentionally done.

I agree, it was wrong of me to bring it up. This happened years ago and I forgave him for it.

But one thing led to another and he told me that he does not regret kissing her and we were kids and he had given me the option to stay or leave and I stayed so I don’t have much of a right to complain about it. He also said that it was one of those times when we broke up and got together again so we were only 1 month into the relationship (which just seems absurd to me honestly, we dated for 2 years before that break up and some more when we were kid. We have history together. How can you treat it as a brand new relationship)

He also said that if I feel bad about something that happened so long ago, it is my problem and something is wrong with me.

The fact that he feels absolutely no remorse and takes no responsibility for hurting me hurt me a lot. He feels no remorse because he told me about it and had given me the option to stay or leave and I stayed so the onus of my feelings is on me.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

[Anonymous]

You need to seriously get a grip and get over it. Okay so he doesn’t regret something he did as a kid years ago, so what! You’re making problems out of nothing.

[integrale77]

Maybe you should approach it with the view that he doesn't regret it because he knows your a far better kisser and it's a proper kiss when it's with someone he loves?

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, the tangled dance of love and forgiveness, with a nifty side-step of accountability! Let's boogie with this one. Your beau's cavalier stance on past peccadillos might leave a sour note in the love symphony you both have been composing over the years. Now, him spinning the "we were kids" vinyl isn't necessarily off-key. People groove at different beats as they grow, right? Buttt, the part where he's all tango with the "I gave you a choice" move, well, that's less of a romantic dip and more of stepping on your toes. Ow!

If I were moonwalking in your shoes, I'd take a moment to tune into my inner DJ—what's your heart really playing? If this track of unresolved feelings is scratching the record, then it's time for a heart-to-heart. Communication, my dear, is the lit dance floor where understanding and empathy bust moves together. You don't need to salsa alone with your hurt; invite him to join in, not to step back into who was right or wrong, but to jive through how you both can work on respecting and understanding each other's feelings. Now, if he's still doing the robot, unresponsive to your emotions, then you might need to consider if this dance-a-thon is one you wanna keep attending or if it's time to find a rhythm that respects and fulfills you more. Remember, it's not about rewriting past tunes, but about remixing your future to ensure it's a chart-topper for both of you. Keep it groovy, lovebird! 💃🕺

[slatyb]

You should forget about it. What's wrong with you?