Is it wrong to avoid relationships due to heart-break?

[Cherrylicious]

I won't go into full details because it's too much explaining. But he was my VERY first boyfriend that's basically been a one-sided relationship where I was investing time, feelings and love for him while it was NEVER reciprocated. While eventually admitting that I "wasn't his type" despite being in love with him and admitting that he never felt the same way towards me and to have someone in his life that he's more compatible with after wasting 7 years of my time. Telling me to "get over it" and only offering friendship which I declined with him calling me "selfish" and gaslighting me for refusing to except his friendship offer knowing that I have strong feelings for him. Leaving me feeling hurt, used, discarded and FOREVER scorned which he blames me for my feelings as if I forced him date me against his will.

He never showed no remorse for me at all and I did nothing to deserve this treatment after so many sacrifices I've mad to be with him which he obviously didn't appreciate.

I no longer believe in karma because he is still out living his life and is happy as if nothing ever happened while I am still hurt. If something bad were to happen to him, I will not be sad or feel bad for him at all. So if anything this lesson has taught me was to never trust anyone else again as I will never get into another relationship with a guy because men are very heartless, selfish and evil. And they don't give a fuck about a woman's feelings at all. I am scorned for life and I will never trust anyone else with my feelings.

[HollyK21]

It’s not wrong, but I do believe you’d be doing yourself a huge disservice by letting this one man dictate your dating life. Even if you don’t believe in karma, why do you believe in watching him move on and live his best life while you’re single on his behalf? That is a lot of power and influence to give someone who truly doesn’t deserve it.


As for the karma, we don’t always get to see it play out, so remember just because you aren’t witnessing it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening off-screen or already happened. No one shares the dark times online. In any case though, I wouldn’t pay attention to what’s happening in his life, and focus solely on my healing/betterment. Forgive him (for yourself) so that you can move on from this traumatic experience. Take what you’ve learned about what you don’t want in a man, and apply it in the future as part of your boundaries.


Lastly, I don’t think you’re in a place emotionally to even think of being open to love again in any case, it’s just not the time to consider prospects in a rational way.

[Drew-1990]

I won't say your wrong for feeling hurt and betrayed I I'm it is hard to trust after something like that but you can't turn on all men because of that. I have had my heart broken I have been used myself by a girl or two. There are jerks on both genders. You can't judge all for one ass hole. Again I'm sorry and I know the feeling I loved a girl who just used that love to her advantage and I never even got into a relationship with her yet she still used me, not sex. She is one of the reasons I'm honestly scared to ask girls out anymore. I let her tear me down and you are letting this guy do the same. I'm just saying don't give up their are plenty of good men out there.

[I_Am_Loner0405]

I’ve experienced more heartbreak than love. Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever experienced actual love before… didn’t think it would be that difficult to find a woman who actually loves instead of lusts… Also difficult to find a woman who doesn’t want power/leverage over a guy these days. For me anyway I’m dealing with it all by avoiding relationships. It’s been 9 straight years and to tell you the truth I’m happier being single than with a woman. 🤷🏻‍♂️ I have family and friends to help me through my life. I don’t need a woman for that.

[AI Opinion]

Swinging through the vines of love, I've landed here to sprinkle a bit of my seasoned perspective on your situation. 🌈 Heartbreak, especially from a long-term relationship that felt one-sided, can be crushing. Investing time, feelings, and love, only to find out it's not reciprocated, is like expecting a beautiful sunrise but getting caught in a storm instead. 🌪️ Your experience sounds incredibly tough, and your feelings of betrayal and hurt are valid. It's like you bought a ticket for a beautiful love story but ended up watching a horror film solo.

Avoiding relationships due to heartbreak is like swearing off swimming because you got caught in a wave once—it's understandable, but there's so much more to the ocean than that one wave. 🏄‍♂️ You've been through a hurricane, but it doesn't mean every cloud brings a storm. It's essential, though, to give yourself time to heal and rediscover your love for sunny days before diving back into the ocean of love.

Remember, not all men (or people, for that matter) are heartless. Just like there are endless genres of movies, there are countless types of people, and among them are ones who will cherish and reciprocate your love. 🎬 It might be hard to trust again, but don't let one bad actor spoil the whole show.

You've learned a tough lesson, but it's also an opportunity for incredible growth. Start by loving yourself, understanding your worth, and knowing that it's okay to put your heart on the shelf for a bit, but don't lock it away forever. There are epic love stories out there waiting for you. When you're ready, dust off those feelings, shine your heart, and consider letting love audition for you again. 🎭💖 Remember, every love story needs a bit of time to script.

[HawkPerception]

If you need time and aren't ready for a relationship, then that's completely your choice and all the power to you if you make that decision. You don't want to go into a relationship with an emotional wall up that prevents you from even bonding wholeheartedly with your partner. That's not fair to them.

However, no matter how badly your previous partner or partners were, it doesn't mean that everyone out there is just as bad. When you go into a new relationship they shouldn't have to hack at your emotional walls. That's taxing for anyone. Don't be afraid to love. Give new people the same chance you gave your first partner. Just don't be stupid about it. Learn what your red flags are and don't dive in the deep end without assessing whether there are rocks that might injure you, if ya get what I mean.

[JacobJordan]

It's your life. Make all the mistakes you want

[Cherrylicious]

So not trusting another man is a mistake?

[JacobJordan]

Let's be honest with your question. "So not trusting another man because I ignored the red flags my ex kept displaying for 7 years is a mistake?" Absolutely. You are taking zero accountability and blaming everyone but yourself for your own stupid decisions. This is harsh I know. Reality is if you go over the last 7 years you will see all the times he clearly showed you who he was and you choose to ignore it. You choose to keep going despite the red flags. You choose to push for something he clearly did not want. You choose the situation. Now I do think you were right to reject the friendship lets be real he was a cunt to do that. In addition the whole "gaslighting" I don't know if he did you say he did so I'll say if so obviously a cunt thing to do. HOWEVER you brought yourself to this by ignoring repeated signs and signals and red flags. And if you are being honest with yourself and with us (even though it will hurt) you will see the moments you saw the flags and ignored them. So yes putting the actions of 1 idiot on an entire gender is a mistake.

[Cherrylicious]

Well men are well known for these things so...

[JacobJordan]

Shitty men are sure. And shitty men make up a fraction of the population of men. So... stop picking shitty men.

[JacobJordan]

Again take some accountability for your choices. If you refuse to do that you will keep making the same mistakes and at that point yes it would be smart to leave men alone since you would keep picking abusive guys. Where as if you took some accountability and did some introspection you would realize that the reason this happened is because YOU allowed it to happen. Because YOU didn't put your foot down YOU ignored the red flags. YOU stayed in a one sided relationship.

[laly520]

not wrong but its a sign of unhealed trauma

[Cherrylicious]

Maybe so but unfortunately there is no "healing" for that.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Not wrong but it's self sabotaging in a way

[Cherrylicious]

How so?

[ChicoFromThe305]

Because people aren't all the same, I won't deny that avoiding heart breaks by avoiding relationships in general is a very comfortable spot but at the end by avoiding them you aren't just throwing away all the bullshit, you are also throwing away the good opportunities, if you are someone that doesn't want to die alone, I believe this is one way to assure that for certain, which if you want love in your life and want a romantic relationship, it is a self sabotaging decision.

[Cherrylicious]

I'd rather "self sabotage" then to play Russian roulette with my heart.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well to some it's worth the risk considering we heal and get stronger and learn from those experiences I feel like you never really leave relationships empty handed, I guess it depends, would you rather avoid and hide from them all your life or get better at it and eventually find what you seek? Cause think of the end game missy, not the troubles in between, I think as long as you aren't easy and you are aware of people's behavior and you stick to your set boundaries, you'll be alright.