Search Results: avoiding conversation

I feel bad writing this, but from the way he speaks to the way he chews his food to him talking with his mouth full midway through meals - I really struggle to be around him. It sends me into fight or flight, usually flight mode.

He breathes loudly, and thumps his feet on the floor to some imaginary beat when sitting on the couch. The thumping goes through me. When he talks, he usually talks at me and lectures me about something or goes on at length about something else. I try to avoid conversations because I could make a remark and he’ll then just keep going or tell some off tangent story.

He lacks awareness of personal space and sometimes gets too close when talking to me. Can be overly curious about what I’m doing and where I’m going. I’m also hyper vigilant around him and don’t like if he’s standing behind me and not within my line of vision. I also don’t feel comfortable showing any flesh around him. And although he comes off as ‘friendly’ to other people, I don’t like the way he interacts with teen girls. I wouldn’t trust him to be left alone with my daughter if I had one.

Why do I feel this way?

Am I wrong to be frustrated by people who do this? All my life all my parents have ever really done is talk ‘at’ me. My mum’s idea of a conversation is giving me a run down of her day whether I asked for it or not, a run down of what she’s watching if I walk into the living room, yet another update on a family member that I didn’t ask about or what she plans to do at work that day.

Not once in my life has she actually outright asked ‘how are you?’ or asked about my day. It’s exhausting to the point I just want to avoid.

Am I wrong for feeling that way?

I was stood outside talking to my male colleague. We were finished for the day and we work in the same office. We were stood by our cars and were having a good laugh and chat. Once, we were sitting together for breakfast at work and my crush gave me a small smile and looked away quickly, whereas normally he would gaze, smile warmly and hold eye contact.

We park by the exit. So basically, at our work there is a one way system you drive through at no more than 10mph. There are various car parks branching off this one way system.

My crush was driving towards me and my colleague and he beeped his horn. He was a fair distance away, like a couple of metres. I looked up and him and gestured to myself. He shook his head and then waved at me. When he got closer to us, I asked him if he was beeping at me. He stopped the car, despite another car being behind him. He was grinning and laughing, saying it was an accident. I could see that his seat was very far back. My male colleague made a joke and my crush briefly glanced at him but stayed staring at me.

An hour or so after this, my crush finally opened and reacted to the reel I sent him a few days prior. I think the timing isn’t coincidental, he opened it shortly after seeing me with my male colleague.

Then a few days after this, I was chatting with my crush and the colleague came into conversation. I said “you know, the one I was chatting to in the car park”

My crush immediately said “oh, where I beeped my horn by accident? That was so embarrassing, I was grabbing my bag” etc etc. and he was grinning but avoiding eye contact. Which to me, confirms that it was on purpose.