Was She Into Me, or am I just Dreaming?

[Anonymous]

Met a gorgeous girl at a party recently (the kind everyone notices). Smart, fun, magnetic. As for myself, I'm pretty average-looking, shorter, probably older, and yep - she has a boyfriend (also average-looking), who was at the party, and who works in the same industry as me.

Still, she struck up a conversation with me, and we clicked. Pretty soon, we found ourselves chatting alone in a room while everyone else (including her boyfriend) had left. When we joined the rest of the party, I decided to give her space to avoid hogging her attention, and we mostly chatted with others until the end of the night, when we found ourselves together again. I made a few jokes, which made her laugh, but then I gave her space by leaning back on a chair to give her room in case she wanted to excuse herself. I even suggested she go inside because it was cold, but she just hung around, and so we ended up chatting all night. It felt natural, a little flirty, and engaging. She said she really enjoyed it and found me interesting. We hugged. I said I hoped to see her again. She said the same.

Logically, I know it was probably just a nice chat. But I’ve been stuck on it. I usually don’t let myself get caught up in this kind of thing, especially when the girl’s clearly out of my league and taken. But here I am - smitten, stalking her boyfriend’s Instagram like a teenager.

Weirdly, I’ve noticed a pattern: I tend to attract women who are taken, often very attractive, but not the single ones. I never cross lines, but I do enjoy the connection. Still, it makes me wonder: why do I keep drawing in people I can’t actually have?

Just needed to put it out there.

To the forlorn and stuck. Hope that singleness at least makes things interesting.

[Chayce]

She spent all of her time with you at the party and not only that, but also spent time alone in a room with you. No body else. Not even her own boyfriend. That's not an indicator of disinterest.

I think women in relationships are more likely to act outgoing with other men because it gives them an alibi when talking to a guy they find attractive. "I'm in a relationship, this isn't anything serious" but this is not the case. Women with boyfriends have touched on me & kissed me (on the cheek, but still in front of people while their boyfriends were in the same area). Obviously touching and kissing on your mans' friend means there is some interest towards them.

[Asker]

That is interesting. I’d never really considered the whole alibi angle before. I never made any moves on the married women who initially showed interest in me. It always ends in friendship, probably because I don’t return the romantic vibes (I very much dislike drama)

But this recent girl was someone whom I might be willing to break that rule to express romantic interest in. Of course, the existence of a boyfriend throws a wrench in things. If she were single, I wouldn’t have hesitated to ask for her number.

So now, I guess I’m left hoping for a surprise sequel where we cross paths again and she's single (unlikely - there’s probably a waiting list for that scenario). In the meantime, all I can do is redirect this hopelessly smitten energy into more productive interests. Easier said than done.

Thanks again for the thoughtful feedback. It definitely gave me a different lens on the situation!

[Chayce]

The thing is that you guys left on a terrific first impression. When you meet someone and click like that right off the hop, the next time you see each other she might jump in your arms. Also sounds like the relationship with her boyfriend is on the rocks if he didn't even spend time with her or leave with her.

I'd make sure everything is right on my end just like you said in case you meet again and the ball starts rolling cause when it starts it can roll faster than you expected. And don't frame it as there will be a waiting list for this woman. Think of all the other men she has talked to that didn't get her undivided attention for hours unlike you. You might be higher up on that list so don't ever count yourself out. Also lastly, don't frame in your mind as this being the ideal woman to settle down with in your mind. Going back to the ball rolling too fast, make sure you don't give off energy as showing too much interest in them no matter how much your mind is telling you how attractive and ideal she is/seems.

[missindiana93]

Your dreaming.