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I spent 2 years with a guy who initially said he didn’t want a relationship, but we eventually fell in love. He treated me like his girlfriend—introducing me to friends and family, celebrating birthdays with surprises, traveling together, being deeply intimate, and talking every day. He listened to my problems and helped me through tough times. I truly believed we had something real, and from the outside, it seemed like the perfect relationship.

But over time, he started pulling away, prioritizing friends and family over me. He bluntly told me, “I won’t marry you,” and then left for Iraq, saying he’d been honest from the start about going back to his country. When I asked about trying long-distance, he called me a burden, criticized me for my family issues, and even said he had to tell me what to do about a cockroach in my condo. He claimed I should have understood when he said he wouldn’t marry me. I begged him to reconsider, but he quickly moved on, even saying we could still be “friends on Facebook.”

He’s already back on dating apps, seemingly unaffected by our breakup. Now I’m wondering—was I being used? Was I wrong to think we had something real? What kind of person moves on so easily?

I am currently facing a situation where I don't know what to do. My family has been toxic throughout my life and has not allowed me any privacy growing up, which already takes its toll. I had to sneak around and date once I reached college because of how crazy my family was about it, to the point my serious 4-year relationship ended over it. Now, I have gotten serious with a guy (engaged), and my family disapproves of him because of his financial status (he doesn't make enough) and thinks he's abusive/disrespectful towards them and me. For example, my mom claims he's disrespectful because he hung up the phone on her while she was speaking. But she purposely interrupted my phone call with him, knowing that got him mad since we were trying to spend time together.

I lived with him (7 hours away from family) for a couple of months before my family got involved. My sister came saying that my mom wasn't doing well health-wise, and I had to leave to visit/take care of her. My partner didn't want me to go, but I didn't want to leave my family hanging, so I left. I came to find out that they planned to keep me here from June (when my sister came) to September/October for a "ceremony" where they could do their rites of passage before marriage. Still, I'm not confident they will actually do that with the way they all have been behaving about it as it's getting closer to time.

However, my partner has his quirks and isn't perfect. He does have trust issues because his last girlfriend cheated on him, so he fought over looking through my phone a couple of times in the past, but that's gotten resolved like other issues we had before. He marches to the beat of his drum, so he'll tell people if he doesn't think something is right according to his morals.

I don't want to compromise my relationship with my family, but I'm afraid that'll happen regardless. I understand my family's concerns about him, but he's not the bad person they portray him as. Help.