Am I fair not wanting my girlfriend to still text her ex-bf who Joined the army?

[Anonymous]

girlfriend and her ex-bf decided to break up since he was going away to the army for basic Training in 5 months and didn't want a long-distance relationship. Their relationship was healthy but not perfect. I somewhat suffer from being a nice guy and have trouble setting boundaries. I feel it's not okay for them to be talking since we are dating now, and this could cause issues in the future when he comes back from basic training. I have allowed all of my ex to still talk to their ex-boyfriend since I didn't think it was a big deal, but every single time, it comes back to bite me in the ass. I have set 3 boundaries in my head, but I am unsure about them.

1. No talking to exes or anyone you have been sexual with.
2. No hanging out with the opposite sex alone at their place. I have zero issues with this in a public setting, but I have allowed this in the past, and it didn't end well for me.
3. No cuddling with guy friends.
I am not currently friends with any of my exes. I do not mean to be controlling or Sound like it. I have tried to be in what I thought was a healthy, trusting relationship but learned if I don't set boundaries, then things can happen.

Updates

1 y

Issues I had in the past. 1. My Ex would wait for us to fight to take advantage of girls I dated in the past. 2. Cuddling turned into having feelings for said friend or Friend taken advantage

[Oliverlogan263]

You know dude, I actually think your boundaries there are pretty reasonable. Like you said, you've learned from experience that certain stuff with exes can cause problems.

Talking one on one all the time with a guy she used to date is kinda crossing a line, even if they say it's just "friends." And obviously cuddling other guys ain't cool either. I get why that would bug you.

Your girl needs to respect that you've been hurt before and make you feel secure now. It's not controlling to have some basic boundaries about exes. Seems like you're not saying she can't have any friends who are guys, just certain intimacy stuff is off limits now that you're together. That's fair man.

I'd have an honest chat with her about how past relationships of yours went bad allowing too much ex contact. Just speak from your experience, not accusing her. Then see how she responds to your boundaries. If she cares about you and your feelings, she should be willing to ease up on the one on one ex talks for your comfort. That's what a good partner does. Don't back down on this, stand your ground politely. You deserve to feel good in your relationship too bro.

[boggboss]

Your boundaries are reasonable issue is if u set them and need to inforce them then the relationship won't last by default a partner that wants a relationship to last won't need to be told these things but will do them out of respect for their partner and wanting the relationship to work if u feel the need to state this it shows u already believe your partner will do this without being told which shows she dont really care in the first place

[NathanDavis]

1.- You don't own people
2.- You don't own people
3.- You don't own people... if you can't respect, nor trust or don't like their choices, then don't be in a relationship with them

[Nikki1989]

Control issues, huh?

You can seek therapy for that mental illness.