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Last night, I spent my seven figures welfare check on all kinds of libtard drugs and then; as I was out killing babies, crossing the border illegally and promoting the evils of universal healthcare; I had a revelation.

When you look at it from every angle, it just fits.

Renaming the American side of Lake Superior to Lake Inferior, in order to immortalize trump would be appropriate in so many ways.

• Lake Superior was named this way by New France explorers because it's "above" the other Great Lakes, geographically speaking. As such, "Lake Inferior" would be in tune with that reasoning, since the US side of Lake Superior is "under" Canada's half of the lake.
• It's the biggest, deepest and meanest (weather-wise) of the Great Lakes. All concepts that are highly impressive to a toddler-minded old pigf***** like trump.
• Its shape imitates trump's ugly haircut almost perfectly (see picture)
• Isle Royale is about the same size of trump's brain (see picture)
• The name Isle Royale (trump's brain) has a clear monarchistic connotation
• It would highlight the fact that trump and his supporters are inferior beings
• It would commemorate the idea that the United States of America became a sad joke under trump's leadership
• It would fit the trump administration's habit to rename bodies of water that the US does not have full jurisdiction over.

I am a reserved guy who's humble and well meaning. I've never thought of myself especially highly, and I always noticed I was a bit different. Over the past three years I started to get a lot of attention in public; women lingering with me, flirting in public, inviting to join their circles at the gym, asking me for directions, getting a bit flustered when taking my food orders sometimes, passing me smiley faces on vouchers or writing notes on my coffee lid... being the person I am, (A) I was initially oblivious, and (B) I had absolutely no idea what I was meant to do.

To use an American term, I am a "Wallflower"; someone who is present and tries to join in but struggles due to hesitation. Now here's where it gets interesting; the frequency and quality of the women that are drawn to me is particularly high, high enough for people to question it when they haven't seen what I look like. Now, I never thought of myself as anything particularly special; sure I had a few genetic quirks, but doesn't everyone...

Well... that's the thing: My body might be more masculine and athletic in appearance than it should be when compared to my personality and lack of training for two years. If you want specific stats, here you are:

- Height: 181.6 cm (5'11.5")
- Weight: 60 kg (lean, low body fat)
- Horizontal hip width: 31.8 cm
- Thigh circumference (each): 48 cm (standing, firm raw muscle)
- Calf circumference: 34.5 cm (standing, very firm raw muscle)
- Chest width: ~31.1 cm (narrow relative to hips)
- Glute protrusion: ~20% of side profile (untrained raw muscle, firm)
- Leg gap: ~4.54 cm (minimal gap despite thigh thickness)
- Shoe size: UK11 Men
- Palm width: ~9 cm
- Palm height: ~11 cm
- Middle Finger Length: ~6 cm
- Hair colour: Natural golden blonde (never dyed, never styled, only conditioner)
- Hair style: Basic side part with comb as it dries after washing hair
- Moustache colour: [Same as above]