Search Results: finding yourself

The question is simply, in your opinion, were all the trials, tribulations, failures and learning experiences worth it in the end (for the guys that do end up finding a relationship)? If you want to hear a sob story read on...

Today is the day. 22 years ago I was born, and for the past 5-10 years, girls have undoubtedly caused me much more stress than any exam, job or dangerous experience. I have failed miserably time and time again with next to nothing to show for my work.

As I write this now, I am surrounded by self-help books, weights for physical training and all manner of hobbies I've tried occupying myself with, while others seem to be on a never ending carousel ride of relationships. My apartment is clean and tidy, much like the non-existent baggage I've managed to accumulate from my minuscule relationship experience.

"Just work on yourself" they said, "Be yourself," they said. 5 years later they're saying something completely different. "Relationship skills and career/academic/hobby talent are two different things." Well then... why the hell did I spend all that time working on myself, when it doesn't even affect my relationship success?

At this point I've almost given up trying to discover an answer as to why I seem to fail so often. So, kind commenters, while your cliche advice is much appreciated, just remember that I can go to any blog online and find almost verbatim statements.

Chasing women is a waste in this day and age as you basically place yourself in a position of lower value even if she does give you a chance because you had to come to her. In fact one can make a point if a woman really does want you their will be no chase. I've seen it all before where guys would work weeks, months, maybe even years trying to impress and win a girl over who couldn't really give a fuck about him and would only give him a chance when she gets desperate or needs a backup man/rebound guy after coming out of a breakup.
The same guy whose impressing a girl and trying to win her over. There is a guy who is probably only reply with 3 or 4 words, sometimes single word to this same girl and she's chasing him like crazy and giving him heart shape likes on his FB pics.

Chasing women is pointless and stupid. Focus on your life, build yourself up to a point where women would want to come to you. But this leads to another problem. The quality of women coming to you might not be good quality. Many could be gold diggers, opportunistic women who just want a piece of your hardwork. For a man who has risen to high status male level, women on his level still want to play the upper hand game where men (even on his level) must come to them.

And if you didn't raise your value high enough you might find yourself single for a long time get desperate and start chasing again.

" I was single and didn't chase women for a while, because I though the way you think. After almost 7 years of NOT GETTING ANYTHING, I began to actively look for women. It took me two months to get a girlfriend. After that one, lesson learned, took me another month and a half finding the next girlfriend."
Again putting you back in a position where you give women position of power by being perceived as more valuable and might even be settling for lower quality of stock of girls that you otherwise would of never settle for when you were younger.

So this begs the question chase or not to chase?