To Chase or Not to Chase: That is the Gamble

[Anonymous]

Chasing women is a waste in this day and age, as you basically place yourself in a position of lower value even if she does give you a chance because you had to come to her. In any relationship it's the one who has the least interest who holds all the power and usually feeds off the validation of the other partner wanting them.

In fact, one can make a point if a woman really does want you there will be no chase. I've seen it all before where guys would work weeks, months, maybe even years trying to impress and win a girl over who couldn't really give a fuck about him, and would only give him a chance when she gets desperate or needs a backup man coming out of a relationship.

For every guy who is impressing a girl and trying to win her over, there is a guy who is probably only replying to her with short sentences - sometimes single words - to this same girl and she's chasing him like crazy and giving him heart shape Likes on his FB pics.

[For anyone wondering this text convo was from a German woman. She cheated on her boyfriend with me and things escalated quickly from sex to her wanting to go on vacation with me. Why this was posted was because it demonstrates behavior of a clingy girl. i really don't give too flying fucks about this girl but she is chasing me like crazy despite the lack of response or barely any]

CHASING WOMEN IS FOOLISH

Chasing women is pointless and stupid. Focus on your life, build yourself up to a point where women would want to come to you. But this leads to another problem: The quality of women coming to you might not be good quality. Many could be gold diggers, opportunistic women who just want a piece of your handwork. For a man who has risen to high status male level, women on his level still want to play the upper hand game where men (even on his level) must come to them.

THE NEGATIVE OF NOT CHASING

If you didn't raise your value high enough you might find yourself single for a long time, and get desperate and start chasing again. Again putting you back in a position where you give women position of power and them being perceived as more valuable and might even be settling for lower quality of stock of girls that you otherwise would of never settle for when you were younger.

Example from male from GAG:

"I was single and didn't chase women for a while. After almost 7 years of NOT GETTING ANYTHING, I began to actively look for women. It took me two months to get a girlfriend. After that one, lesson learned, took me another month and a half finding the next girlfriend."

The moral of the story: if you wait for the girls come to you you'll die alone.

Believe me, things will only get worse. The sooner you start looking, the easier to find a good girl. By the time you turn 30, most of the single women you'll meet (if you decide to meet them; once again, they won't come to you) are broken. Either you're broken yourself or you'll have a hard time finding someone worth your time, I know I did."

[LiveFreeorDieHard]

I never understood why some guys over think it. You see a girl you like, talk to her and ask her out, she says no, then you move on. Stop caring if they friend zone you, stop caring if there gold diggers or only want to screw bad boys. Just do your thing.

[Tephra]

Thank you! It's really that simple; pick up your shit and move on. There are always better girls out there, just need to catch afew of the bad ones to find out where the good ones are

[IamLouise]

Worse advice ever. Saying don't care and not be self aware when your getting taken advantage of is foolish son. You really trying to tell men to be totally clueless about women and become naive little toys for them?

If a woman friendzone you be aware and cut your losses rather than feed her validation

If a woman is a gold digger do not be unaware and let her spend down your money.

Jesus WTF gag.

[Afrochick]

" let women come to you"
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[JudgmentDay]

I don't know, maybe I am broken. Won't really matter, I never really feel any incentive to "chase" after anyone, well at least not any more.

I'm actually in my mid-30s, forget what age is displayed on my profile.

I figure I'd never chase after any lady at all, since One, I never ever want kids to begin with, and I'm certain the majority of them DO WANT kids. I'm more or less an Anti-Natalist now.

Two, I realized that absolutely no relationships or even marriage is ever guaranteed to last forever or bring any actual real "happiness" and besides IIRC divorce rates are about 50% or shit like that.

And Lastly, because I have an existential nihilistic outlook, as in no matter what we do we in this world or reality no matter hard we tried, we will still eventually die, that can't be changed or fixed, and once I had realized this I can't ever agree to really make any effort to "chase" after anyone, as I know that also means "losing" someone is inevitable no matter what.

Although I would only hope so within the next 40 to 80 years there will be some kind of "fix" available, assuming if I ever make it that far, but as of now I see that "life", or rather a Bio-Organic existence as a a Completely Lose-Lose situation.

The whole die alone thing is TOTAL BULLSHIT, everyone technically dies alone, unless they die at the same time with many other people such as in a tsunami, an earthquake, a plan crash, or some other horrible cataclysmic or catastrophe or disaster. Or worse, horrible acts coming from people, either violence, or drunk driving, or in war, etc.

So technically you're more than likely will die alone as more often than not 1 partner or spouse will die before the other, thus somebody is going to be left behind either way. But many people haven't come to realize this until much much later. It's more like people that prefer to be surrounded by "loved" ones on their death bed as they are dying. But either way they die "alone" as they can't take their loved ones with them as they're dying.

But either way, as of now, death and suffering is inevitable, and I think deep down everyone is really alone, because no one else is them or can be them or feel what they are actually feeling, because other people are NOT them.

[Ratiocinative]

Well depending on your definition of chase, nobody should. I would define chasing as continuing to contact someone after you've already contacted them and they haven't replied. Going out on a date with a woman, then calling her a few days later to schedule another date is not chasing. Going out on a date, then callinger her, then texting her again after she didn't answer and didn't call you back, that's chasing.

If by chase you simply mean to ask someone out, IE if you exchange numbers with a girl and the first one to contact the other is "chasing", then it is fine for a man to "chase" the first 1-3 dates, then after that if the woman is really that into she will be contacting you first. If after 3 days she isn't starting "chase" you, then she's just not that into you.

But no matter which gender you are, you should never repeatedly contact someone who doesn't reply back to you. Think about it. If you ever were contacted by someone you wanted to go out with, is there ever a scenario in which you would not reply? Of course not. Even if you couldn't go out, you would still reply back and say why. "Hey, sure, we should definitely hang out some time. Unfortuantely I already have plans out of town this week but how about I give you a call next week and we'll plan a time then. Sound good?".

If someone doesn't respond to you, continue dating other people. When and if they respond you can pick things up from there.

[BubbleBoy69]

"Going out on a date with a woman, then calling her a few days later to schedule another date is not chasing. "

That is chasing. You are sill in position of you coming to her. Communication should be 50/50 or close o it with her calling you on when to hang out.

[fleur-de-lys]

@BubbleBoy69 There's a diff. between chasing someone new and stalking someone who has not shown any interest in you.

[BubbleBoy69]

@fleur-de-lys And this has nothing to do with stalking. So your comment doesn't make much sense.

The point being relationship should be 50/50. If you took the initiative to ask her out on the first date you should not be the one who keeps asking her out. Equality now remember. So time to put on your big girl shoes and start taking the initiative to show interest in men rather than expect men to keep coming to you.

[fleur-de-lys]

I am not conservative, but I am old-fashioned when it comes to this. A man really needs to make the first move and show some interest (after I have given a signal). If he doesn't, he can be the cutest guy sitting at the bar staring at me while I am dancing, but if he has no initiative, I won't bother at all. I am simple and non-materialistic, so don't assume that women always look for rich guys. If the woman shows no interest after trying once or twice, she is simply not attracted to you, otherwise she'd gladly get closer & want to see you again.

[Kurmo]

What is "a signal." Do you wave a sign around saying "Hey, you, in the brown shirt! I am attracted to you!" or is it something more vague like a "look"?

[fleur-de-lys]

@Kurmo If I stare at him a few times or smile, pass by him and look him in the eyes, that should be good enough for him to do something about it.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

that's really not

[fleur-de-lys]

@sedrftvgyhujik then you're going to stay alone for a long time

[sedrftvgyhujik]

Thanks for the words of support I love being told Im going to spend my life single.
Touch his/our arm or something I recognise that staring at someone doesn't mean your interested we can also take it as shit did I do something or have I got something in my teeth.

[fleur-de-lys]

@sedrftvgyhujik You need to be more self-confident. A girl would not be staring at you more than once if she were not interested

[Xseed]

It really is a skill to learn body language and cues. The looks and eye contacts are usually a sign. Or she could just be doing it to every cute guy at the bar. Instead of wondering I just go up and say hi. How the interaction is after that and how she reacts tells whether she's interested or not. If she responds positively then you're good. Keep doing what you're doing. But if you sense the convo getting awkward or stale. Leave. Because she might have been interested at first and then change her mind after talking to you. Or maybe you're the one who changed his mind

[raspberry0416]

Ok look it's not really about people having power over you, it's about going out there and getting the person you want. Frankly if you're looking at someone who is a little out of your league (better looking, better educated), you will have to put in the effort. If you don't it's not like they are going to bend over backwards to please someone they are not that interested in.
On the other hand you don't want to waste time on someone who's just not interested in you. Never chase after someone for months or years. If she liked you it would have worked out already. And if you think being distant and stringing girls along will get you anywhere you're wrong. Only people with low self-esteem will tolerate that.
Know your own value, and keep things in perspective.

[fleur-de-lys]

you are totally right!!!

[Junlian]

Very good mytake. As for me, I rather be friends first with women. Cause flirting becomes twice as fun. Then after awhile of knowing her I'd try pursue a relationship with her. Cause know what all there is know to say she will do. If she rejects then that's fine. During our dating stages there's no need to wine and dine cause dating is to get deeper into the relationship. I don't know. May sound stupid but I don't chase I just become friends first then ask her out a little later.

[Shorty1991]

great minds think a like. I do the same with guys I like.

[JohnDoe3000]

Everything in moderation. Most guys will never be in a position where they've "raised their value high enough", even if they work very hard for it. And when women chase you it's often not the best kind of women... After all, women with "high value" also get told they shouldn't chase...

You need to do a little bit of chasing or you'll stay forever alone or have to settle, but you need to make sure you're not putting in all the work and that she actually seems interested.

[devilish-cutie]

personaly a guy can chase me all he wants if I'm not interested nothign will change that
I don't expect guys to chase me but to treat me real and as a person and be straight w me as I would be w them
but I disagree that chasing is wrong, I know there are many girls that are unsure of what they want and if the guy really tried sometimes girls would be up to it
there are many different kind of people

[fleur-de-lys]

Of course, if you're not attracted to him, he can do whatever and you won't be more interested, but if he is your type and you show interest and he does not respond, forget about it.

[devilish-cutie]

@fleur-de-lys actually for some girls unlike me chasing works even if they are not attracted to the guy at first, some people can also have trouble admiting themselves that they like someone or have prejudice about the other person

It depends what u mean by showing interest cause if its signs it doeant mean girl should give up cause many guys can be shy and many girls dont mind that

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't agree about the point you're 30. If anything you have more choice being more experienced, older, wiser and richer. You can actually be like the guy who didn't buy during the boom years and can pick and choose whatever he wants whilst the rest are broke.

What I would say is yeah don't feel like you need to stick with girls who are flaky. Fuck em. They are bitches and were using you.

Be interesting to see your thoughts on my question? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2046147-is-a-woman-more-likely-to-be-openly-sexual-with-someone-who-isn-t

[Kurmo]

Except, guess what, everything you do to "chase" a woman can be considered harassment. Unless you are Chad Thundercock, and actively attract women around you, the best bet is just to accept that no one will ever love you. Of course, this realization hurts for a couple of years, but eventually you don't mind the loneliness.

[fleur-de-lys]

Harassment happens when you keep chasing her after she does not reciprocate.

[Xseed]

Definitely a difference between asking women out and harrassing her. If she's made it known that she's not interested, and she will, then stop and find a better woman.

I know it's not much to go on, but her being silent is actually a sign. If a girl likes you, she'll text you back even if she's in the middle of a war zone.

[Anonymous]

There are 2 men in this world:

1. The guy that women actually like and want to be with. Usually you can spot these guys more easily in college/school when most of us had not much going on but our looks/personality.

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2. The guy women are with out of desperation of being alone and/or security (money).
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[Hateguysplay1]

I really want to know what 2) means more please more easier term please

[Opinion Owner]

@Hateguysplay1

2) The guy women pick out of desperation.

Example- A girl who was with her boyfriend for 6 years and is in her late 20's now and wants to get married but he isn't ready yet. Constant nagging of hers results in a strain in the relationship and they break up. She then finds a guy real quick soon after and gets married within a year to suit her time frame. She doesn't love this man and he's a placeholder husband.

For security. Basically foregoing physical attraction and other things for a mate who can provide and has a stable job. This means that without the money she most likely would never have gone out with him (i. e. if they met in their early 20's when they were both broke college students tough chance she would of picked him). However, he has money, can provide for her and though she might not be her top choice in physical attraction and actual personality she gets into a relationship with him for other reason (mainly money, status).

[Opinion Owner]

@Hateguysplay1 You can always tell the guys, women truly want by the guys they went for when everyone didn't have much money, life wasn't as pressured because most of us were being supported by our parents and the only thing you had to worry about was passing your classes.

[Xseed]

Maybe she changed her preference. People change overtime and maybe what turned her on about a guy in her 20s will completely disgust her in her 30s. Its not that simple for sure

[Xseed]

I enjoyed your perspective. The major point I got from it was to stopping trying to please women more than you're own value, but to concentrate on personal growth and the right women for you will gravitate towards you. Even though you didn't seem to highlight it very well lol it sounded more angry

[DinosaurKnight]

I don't chase because I don't think I should have to. I have no idea how I would tell "playing hard to get" with lack of interest, so I would just assume lack of interest and move on.

If she's interested, she has to give me some kind of signal that I can be reasonably expected to interpret correctly. If she fails to do so, her loss.

[fleur-de-lys]

Playing hard to get has nothing to do with a guy showing interest. If you don't show interest, why should a girl bother wasting her time?

[Xseed]

He means that if a girl doesn't show interest then how would he know to approach her. In a environment with lots of people, sometimes you don't look at the same person twice unless that person makes it known. Body language and cues is important. Learn to spot them and read her energy.

[DinosaurKnight]

@fleur-de-lys The "why should a girl bother wasting her time?" thing goes both ways. If she doesn't show me any indicators of interest, why should I waste mine?

I'm not saying she has to do the approach. But she has to drop some kind of reasonable hint before she expects me to. Otherwise, I'm not wasting my time.

[Shorty1991]

You moan that its a waste of time when guys chase women and then you had the audacity to make that woman chase you. That just makes you a hypocrite. Some women don't ask to be chased.

[Emberremembers]

Wow you sound so sad. Why do people put so much value on having a gf/bf? Wouldn't it be better to love yourself and not need a SO just to feel good?

[BubbleBoy69]

It's funny a woman is saying this since women usually are the ones who hop from relationship to relationship more often than men and more men than women are single for longer periods of time.

[Emberremembers]

@BubbleBoy69 I don't need anyone special to be happy. I have great freinds and minecraft😊

[BelleGirl21]

Yeah well I'm super shy and would never make the first move. Guys just need to understand they are automatically rulibg out shy girls. If you're ok with that then cool beans.

[Kurmo]

Yeah well I'm super shy and would never make the first move. Girls just need to understand they are automatically ruling out shy guys. If you're ok with that then cool beans.

[BelleGirl21]

@Kurmo that's true too. I never denied that. Possibly why there are so many single introverts

[Pyrofox]

The biggest mistake girls make is sometimes overwhelm introverts.

[fleur-de-lys]

@Kurmo You have balls for a reason. If you want a girl, get over your shyness and show some interest. A guy who does not make any effort is not worth our time.

[Xseed]

@fleur-de-lys
This is true. Women must also show us effort after we initiate the interaction and make it clear if you are interested or not. The whole power and control thing is stupid. But both parties have to show interest equally otherwise it's gonna be a destructive relationship

[Pyrofox]

@fleur-de-lys I think your misunderstanding what I mean.

I'm saying that lots of girls and even guys assume the shallow definition with introverts. Not that our shyness is hindering. Introverts actually are amazing gift givers, as they/I dont blanket gift others. As that just pretty much just means you have lots of spending money and your just trying to butter the other up. Rather we give gifts that are few but often mean more than just another thing to add to the pile of random gifts.

Just as introverts are also great listeners and often look at a whole rather than going out with the first 1000 ideas.

Introverts are also think like a chess player as in they plan 5+ more moves ahead and if something goes wrong they dont give up rather they will push forward to the next best plan. EVEN if it means doing something tottally different.

[RationalMale]

Agreed. Don't chase, replace.

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[datgirl]

In short, you're just lazy. Now get out there and continue chasing women.

[Ashleym000]

Should a woman ever chase a man in a relationship while he shows somewhat effort?

[fleur-de-lys]

No, never. Effort = interest. Give yourself some value, otherwise he won't value you.

[Xseed]

This is kind of confusing because if he's thinking the exact same thing and wants to show value by seeming less interested, then you'll both just end up screwing each other over.

[Careless_Whisper]

The way western women are today I would much rather have a pet dog to keep me company. I've been single for 12 years and plan on keeping it that way. Western women are the lowest of the low.

[Careless_Whisper]

@Emberremembers Reported :)

[Emberremembers]

Double reported

[SinghSong]

Well, if bestiality's your thing, who are we to judge?

[fleur-de-lys]

I am from the previous generation and I have lived in other cultures, so could you give more details. How are women nowadays? (I don't date them so I'm not sure).

[slimstiffy]

can speak and read german.
lol that was more than a one word reply. :-D