8 Reasons I Will Never Find Love

[mrsingle]

I'm writing this Mytake to vent but also for all the other guys out there who are dealing with the same predicament I am, you aren't alone!

I also think girls need to read this, many guys shut their emotions in and I'm not that kind of guy, so you get a sneak peek at my inner thoughts and feelings and perhaps this is how other guys feel too.

1- Out of a girl's social league and 2- Being financially unstable

I have to combine these two.

Being out of a girls social league is comparing where you both are in life and if you will match up in your goals. For example, I don't have a job right now due to a disability, but I do value girls who work or are stable financially. Why, because two broke people won't get far in life. I also like that it shows she is responsible. Why does that suck for me? Girls don't want to support a guy that is jobless or has no savings and they think I'm a loser.

My frustration being out of her league is that I'm not working for health reasons.

It seems that people go for others that help them better themselves in some way, being with a girl who works seems like an improvement for my life being I am broke. I had always hoped love conquers over money, but it doesn't. I wouldn't be using her for her money, it may seem like that (for survival yes), but there are other ways I could contribute in a relationship without money. Need the house cleaned, done. Have errands to be done while you work, I'll do them. Come home from work, dinner will be on the table for you.

Also moral support goes a long way. But alas, having little money has ruined my dating chances. If I was to take a girl out it would be cheap places or free ones, after a while I would run out of places to take her I could afford. She would get bored or feel compelled to pay for me. Unless she is wealthy and doesn't care about money this is a dealer breaker for my rejection.

3- Looks

More often than not women go for men that look good. I'm not going to be considered that kind of guy. I'm a scrawny, tall and thin guy with barely any muscle that wears glasses. That doesn't scream "hot" in most girls eyes. What's sad is that I cannot help how I look, and medical reasons keep me thin with little muscle even if I work out and go on a special diet. Girls don't care why I look like this, all they care is that I don't look attractive. This kills me on dating sites, and even in person girls are too quick to judge my looks without even giving me a chance and get to know me.

4- Nobody finds you interesting

When you get to know me I'm very boring as far as standards for my age go. I don't work or go out with anyone, I can't drive further than locally so I don't get to travel, I don't belong to any clubs or do sports. My hobbies I do have are gardening or photography but those aren't usually social hobbies you meet new people doing. I've tried finding groups or clubs and for gardening there was with all old ladies, photography I tried but nobody connected with me probably for one of the other reasons listed here.

So joining something has not helped make my life any more interesting. Girls see I'm no fun, and when your alone all the time by yourself you lose whatever fun you used to be after a while. One on one with the right girl I would slowly open up and try new things with her that she enjoys but for now I have no reason to do anything else alone I just won't enjoy myself.

5- Being too nice

I'm the king of being labeled a nice guy and always friend zoned . I've just been acting how I was taught to act, apparently times have changed and being polite and nice isn't what girls look for. I don't go up to a girl and say "hey sexy mama your ass is bangin I wanna fuck you till the sun comes up". Even though I might be thinking that about her (yes I have a very dirty kinky mind actually) I cannot pull off saying that out loud and have a good result from it.

I'm very soft spoken and not loud so if I try to project my voice it's like I'm angry and yelling instead of that confident sounding talk. I say intelligent things and sound smart when I talk but I'm not the super stud sweet talker I need to be to get somewhere with a girl I just met. I also don't know how to flirt well or make a move so part of my nice act is actually hesitation not knowing how to act.

6- Complain too much

Yeah, I'm a very open person, that means I have no trouble saying what's on my mind. Apparently, girls don't want to hear it. Instead of holding things in I want to talk to someone and vent, hoping they will understand how I feel and make me feel better in some way. But no, they don't wanna hear it. It's ok for girls to whine about everything and their boyfriends put up with it, but when a guy complains he's labeled as a big baby.

Call me crazy, but aren't you supposed to want to open up to others, it's a cry for attention because at that point you are ignored and your frustrated. I don't think complaining or being open is bad, it just shows your a very open and emotional guy and for me that's who I am and I don't see that as a bad thing. How about those guys that never open up but one conflict and they explode and punch a wall and scream and curse, why do those guys end up in relationships?

7- No social circle

This is a big one. It's hard enough to meet the right girl when your out with friends or at a parties, but when your always going solo like me it's impossible. Like I said earlier I'm not mr Casanova in looks or personality so by myself girls treat me as an outcast. Being I do not have friends what girl will think I'm ok, they will think something is wrong with me right away. They will find it boring never meeting new people if she is all I talk to.

What's even worse if you go out with people in your area you might know, is that in the past when I had friends all it took was one person to think I'm a loser and stop talking, which caused a chain reaction for everyone else to abandon me as a friend. It's that way with girls. One girl rejects you, now her girl friends will avoid you, those girls friends will too, so on and so forth. Before you know it you don't stand a chance and your labeled by everyone.

8- Medical reasons

I have social anxiety, mid severity. This makes conversations and fitting in hard, it also prevents me from working, driving far. I also have health issue that makes me thin not gaining weight or much muscle. Girls judge and because of these issues I have been rejected over and over so much just looking at me and they won't even talk if I approach them! It's made dating hell. Even if I get past the talking then they see I'm super thin and awkward looking and that right there makes rejection even though they don't know me. It's not fair how your born ruins your love life.

Between all those issues that is why I'm undateable. I hope some guys feel better knowing your not alone and girls well guys have feelings too and there shouldn't be so many standards for dating!

[kaylaS91]

... This is a classic example of what is known as a 'self-fulfilling prophecy'.
A false belief or idea that becomes a reality due to you belief in it. In other words, you already have a whole list of reasons as to why you can't find someone to be in a relationship with set firmly in your head. You believe this to be the truth so much, that your actions resulting from it will make this currently-false belief a reality. The more this happens, the tighter you'll hold onto it.

No social circle? Of course you think this is a factor as to why you're single. You see no point in meeting new people because you've already accepted your fate. Being too nice? Firstly, what in the fuck is 'too nice'? This sounds like something someone would say when they're looking for things to shift the blame on after being rejected or just failing to approach someone of their interest altogether. Because it's so much easier to shift the blame on the girls versus on yourself, right?

These 'standards' and rules for dating are mostly in your own head. The more you keep saying you're undateable, for whatever reason, the more likely it will be made reality by yourself.

[hazoplmeught]

this too, did you take psychology? I only took a class, not majored though

[kaylaS91]

@hazoplmeught I'm almost done a degree in psychology. 😎

[mrsingle]

You are wrong. Everyone in psychology goes by the book instead of thinking how every single person lives life differently and thinks differently. I've seen psychiatrists and they were no help to me. Yet people who go through what I do have better advice than people with psychology degrees...

[kaylaS91]

... no good sir, you are wrong. People working in the psychology field go by the book in their schooling. In reality, when they have to actually apply this information on a case by case basis, they will change variables according to each individual's issues.

[kaylaS91]

but, whatever. I get that it's easier for you to continue holding onto your false reality because that way you don't have to realize that perhaps you're the reason why you'll never find love.
Best of luck!

[OrdinaryGentleman]

@kylaS91 Yeah making fun of people online telling them how they are completely wrong instead of looking from their viewpoint. You will not make a great psychologist/psychiatrist if you continue allowing your emotions to get in the way by destructing the commenters credibility.
in response because im blocked lol.

[lightbulb27]

Is your disability permanent?

2. is a problem because girls want to feel secure. The only hope I see here is going to a church and socializing with women that aren't as shallow... but definitely smaller pool to pick from

3. looks don't matter that much, I know a girl that all she goes for is tall skinny guys who are brainy... must be brainy. Point being, girls go for various things and they aren't as visual as you'd think.

4. Huge problem unless you pick a couch patoto girl. You need training on how to be the best man you can be... confident and improve self esteem. Everything you do in this area will help you in every other area of life. being down on your luck, boring, not having things to talk about, not knowing how to converse with women are problems.

5. you can be good, but don't be needy. My guess is you are on the needy side and that is poison to females and males (males can't stand it either). This is a sign of you lack self esteem and thus need to work on yourself.

6. this is actually good if done right. if it is complain all the time that is terrible... noboday wants misery all the time. there has to be balance and preferably you lift each other up. But girl love it when a guy is open emotionally. Learn to focus more on the positive, and dreams and hopes, what you can do, etc..

7. True. Girls have a pack mentality. If one is turned away, others can be easily. If you have 5 girls around you because you are entertaining them, the other 10 will want in on the action. So build a social circle. There are ways to do this.

8. that's a problem because people are social... again more signs to me of child hood wounds, lack of self confidence, etc.. Girls want a confident emotionally stable guy and they want security, and they want to be desired. On top of that, they want whatever they want... but those are the core attributes. So dig into you and fix this. Many of us have difficulty at some point talking to, approaching, and navigating relationships with women and it just takes work on yourself, practice and willingness to learn from every failure. That is life.

I don't see anything that is a deal breaker except for no job and no money. But then again, I didn't have a job and I got a great date not long ago. If you can do the work... work on yourself, learn to love yourself, being with yourself, find God (love) inside of you... Jesus... get some training on women... watch successful guys, then you will change and have a chance.

[Anonymous]

I'm like you too. Exactly. Except that I'm married. Don't ask how - it was a miracle. So, it is possible. Of course, I still feel bad and unworthy of my amazing husband.
Anyway, Kitty71 and Alonelyloneloner both seem to be in your same situation, and single. How about you guys just talk to each other and be each others friends? You don't have to try to date, or even meet. The talking, at first, and the friendship later will make you feel much better, and you can decide where to take things after that. I just talked to one of my 3 only friends today, and seeing we had the same problems made me feel not so alone and such a loser. I felt better, and naturally had more energy to do things.

Anyway, lets hear your whole story. I have a feeling your parents are also very negative people, and being around them isn't helping you at all. I also don't blame you for social anxiety. It's part of the culture in the U. S. If you like, start at the start and tell us your WHOLE story. I would love to hear it. Do you know how long you have been feeling this way? How old are you? How many siblings do you have (girls/boys/younger/older)? What's your ethnicity and cultural background? Which city do you live in? How did you do in school and college? What is your disability? When and how did it start? Do you get government assistance for your medical problem? Have you ever had a girlfriend? How long ago and for what duration? How do you spend your days at home/what do you do to pass time? Please add any other detail you think is important.

[mrsingle]

Could I message you this as I'm limited how much I can type here

[FatherKnowsBest]

I always hate to see young people lament about the perils of life and worry about their future, whether the professional or social end of it.

We really don't know that much about you except for the brief narrative you've posted. I realize you have anxiety issues, but this should be treatable with therapy and medication. Many people have to take antidepressants and other medications to help them face life's issues. If you're so down on yourself then please above all seek medical help. Treating anxiety will improve your life.
I believe it will turn you into a new person and give you the confidence to pursue your talents and get a well paying job.

Remember you are not the ONLY one out there struggling. Many people fall into your category. I wish I could do more for you and others.

Lastly, never give up on women! Women have an almost unlimited capacity to love and empathize. But every woman needs a good man to latch onto. Not a Tarzan, not an Einstein, just a good man who will love her, cherish and protect her. She's out there, but first get your act together, make no more excuses and treat each day as a new opportunity to meet someone.

Good Luck to you.

[JudgmentDay]

Then just give in an accept it and let it be. Financial instability is a big one, it's impossible to maintain and raise a family without stability in which most of that is gone now since it's more and more common people are becoming chronically unemployed and getting let go or laid off all of a sudden unexpectedly.

I more or less gave in a long time ago once I realize this world is pretty much a fucked up place and I did not ever asked to come here and become part of it in the first place, and therefore I realize I can't undo my existence for what ever I am unhappy about BUT I can still CHOOSE to not follow in my parents footsteps and everyone else that conforms to bringing additional or more people into this fucked up world, because that's where I feel, think and know I still have control left. I choose to be Childfree/Childless by Choice and therefore it's more or less irrelevant and redundant when it comes to relationships, dating, sex, marriage and family.

And besides, ultimately we all will fucking die no matter what the fuck we do, did or don't do or never did.

We can never be able to avoid death, pain and any kind of suffering BUT we can only delay the inevitable as long as possible and we CAN have as much fun as possible while we still have time left in this world, after that it's lights out, permanently.

[slimstiffy]

I think yout only problem is 6 my man.
You complain too much. Thats a chick repeller stronger than all still-living-with-parents, joblessness, awkwardness, having-no-friends, lack-of-musles-and-looks, not-many-hobbies combined.
Listen, women get to bitch. Lets not take that away from them. Its a part of their femininity. I have found that even thebest of women need to let go off all their pride and vent their minds out once in a while. And there's nothing wrong with that. It may be annoying if it happens too often, but I've come to just accept it. Men, just shouldn't do this. Its okay for women, acceptable for children, but unforgivable for men.
As a man you need to deal with shit.
You need to learn to take shit and handle shit like a mane! Damn! I know its stupidbut you have to do it! Trust me , once you get used to that, you will even feel better.
In my opinion venting doesn't really make me feel any better. To actually feel better, priblem should be solved. A man who complains is therefore seen as a man who can't solve his issues. If there is something serious then you can discuss it with your buddies or with your wife. But dont complain.. The one thing worse than listening to women complain is seeing a man complaining all the time...
Anyway, das it mane. And also you might just want to work on your confidence a bit. But you need to drop the venting habit

[Anonymous]

Part of these are bad luck, but part of these you can change or aren't negative at all. Too many guys think they can't get a date because they are "too nice". This is not the case, it's more like they can't get a date for other reasons despite being nice. Niceness is not a turn off! It's also not a magical chickmagnet because lots of people are nice, it doesn't make you special.

"Girls don't like me because I complain too much" hear the irony? If that's a problem for you, complain less. Easy as that.

Is it that hard to join a club or sports group? It could give you that social circle, allow you to meet people and make you more interesting.

Lastly, the best way to battle anxiety is to get out of your own comfort zone, meaning doins something you find scare but is actually save. It doesn't have to work out well, all that matters is that you do it and prove nothing bad happens. I used to not have friends because I was too shy to talk to people. Then I joined a students association, walked up to people at the bar and introduced myself. Those people I introduced myself too didn't have to become my friends, they were just practise material and if it went wrong I had lost nothing because they were strangers anyways. Sometimes it didn't work, sometimes it did and along the way I got more friends that I've ever had before, together with all the benefits social connections grant.

Just do something!

[Anonymous]

You know, if you ever met this one friend i have, I bet she would love to date you because for the most part you sound a lot like her type. First off, she's always told me that she likes guys who are tall and lanky and has a bit of a nerdish look. You also said that you sound intelligent when you talk and she also likes that. You guys also have a lot in common because her hobbies are also gardening and photography, and she also has social anxiety.

Now obviously the odds of you guys meeting are slim, but the chances of you finding a girl with similar traits/interests is not. I wouldn't give up hope yet.

[mrsingle]

Hey, if she lives in the US than we could connect via Facebook and take it from there. She sounds great I've never met a girl like her. You can message me.

[mrsingle]

So I guess that's a no. Just like all the other girls 😑

[EllieLexis513]

2 and 6 would be deal breakers for me. #2 only because I have a career and can handle my finances. I would expect the same of the person I'm with because that's just my standard. Doesn't mean you have to be raking in $100,000 a year, but you should be minimally making just as me, which, at $38,000 a year before taxes at my age, I don't think that's an unreasonable request.

#6 will turn anyone off, male or female. No one wants negativity in their life like that.

by the way, not all girls want a hot guy. You'd be surprised, but a lot of girls really care more about your personality and how you treat them more than anything. But if you are complaining all the time and you're boring, that cancels out pretty much everything else on this list.

[Raymond_Reddington]

Why the hell do you think anyone cares how much you earn a year? XD

[EllieLexis513]

@Raymond_Reddington You clearly missed the entire reason I mentioned it.

[mrsingle]

Trying to meet girls they knew nothing about me, they only could judge what they saw. So either my looks ruined it or the way I talked or acted.

[EllieLexis513]

The way you dress matters a lot... you can look like a complete schlemiel in the face but if you take really good care of yourself and dress nicely, it won't matter.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

Seems harsh to expect them to make what you do as a minimum most people in their 20s don't make $38k a year in the UK the median wage across everyone who works is £18k or about $27k.

[EllieLexis513]

@sedrftvgyhujik The dollar is also worth less in the UK, and that's before taxes, not after. After I get like...$24,000

[sedrftvgyhujik]

www.netsalarycalculator.co.uk/18000-after-tax/

www.google.co.uk/
$21727 after tax
I'm surprised how close that came I'm assuming you don't have VAT in the US then which would explain the higher tax bill on wages.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

A contributing factor to why It may have less buying power in the UK could be because in the uk you're paying vat on a lot of what you buy.
Though that does mean your 24k would go further for you in the US than it would for someone earning that after tax in the UK.

[hazoplmeught]

U know i used to have the same problem, till i started working out. Sounds stupid huh? Im still kinda boring, but im better than before.

"What's sad is that I cannot help how I look, and medical reasons keep me thin with little muscle even if I work out and go on a special diet." Now this is a bitch ass excuse (i know you said medical reasons but im taking a risk and talking how i think to myself) i used to say the same fuckin thing until i started eating even more. Special diet? The fuck is a special diet, you keep eatin more and more until you make gains. Now donuts, fries, and all those food with no meat won't help you do anything.

Your self esteem should go up, cause i started the idgaf about what y'all think mode and started feeling better about myself. Then you might get some progress, but no confidence won't help you.

[Lynx122]

So now are you hitting it in the morning? Are girls working out for you? Can they not get enough? Or are you still wet dreaming? :P

[hazoplmeught]

@Lynx122 more girls actually consider me now, i have way more friends (this surprised me cause i used to think back to when people didn't want to talk to me) BUT ALL LOT OF THAT CAME FROM CONFIDENCE. I swear the muscle gains go straight into your head. Im not super huge but my confidence definitely swelled up.

[hazoplmeught]

im not in a relationship right now though, by choice

[Lynx122]

I mainly wrote that because of your J. Cole picture, was referencing his songs ;) But good for you :)

[hazoplmeught]

@Lynx122 oh WOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW I SHOULD OF REALIZED!!! Im bad at references

[hazoplmeught]

@mrsingle by have no meat i mean no nutritional value that will help you make gains. And never stop trying to work. Work so friggin hard on your social anxiety (i know nothing about social anxiety but i do know about trying)

[Lynx122]

Np :) References are hard because there's so much shit you can reference and you're not always thinking about it so it's easy to miss.

[somebodysaycheese]

Do you ever think your throwing yourself a pitty party? if your telling yourself that your anxiery will limit you and so will your current situation your literally telling your brain your limited in success in life. My advice? Join online groups for your hobbies so you can meet people. Everyday , think positive tell yourself thag your anxiety will not limit you. IF YOU THINK NEGATIVE YOU WILL GET NEGATIVE OUTCOMES. try selling things online , or you thrifty? Try opening up a etsy shop. try going bacl to school, take online classes. And how do you carry yourself matters as well. You will always be limited if you belive you are limited

[Anonymous]

People tend to date for two different reasons. Some people date for fun and sex; other people date for a serious, lifelong commitment. The people who date for a serious, long-term commitment expect partners of equal status. Marrying your equal is just common practice. I mean, if you are a working professional and earning a six-figure salary, would you want to date a homeless, sick-looking girl on the street and spend your resources on her even though she may not even carry an intelligent conversation with you? You may pity her, but dating? That is out of the question!

[thatnicksuitsme]

Well for myself i have some kinda issues similar to yours. But what i do is just don't care. %50 of the time i go to a party solo and just drink some alcohol, looking at people, maybe try my luck on some girl or an interesting group of friends. Just don't be afraid about social things. If you screwed it up you don't have to see these people again but if you succeed you got a friend or a girlfriend right?

And some of the reasons you listed here are sooo easy to fix. If you think "being too nice" is a problem, just don't be nice. Also complaining, just don't. Try to improve your social skills.

[kitty71]

I am in a similar boat I doubt I will ever find love but not for those reasons above., in my case mostly is not about looks, cuase I think I have good looks, Im a nice and friendly person so I believe that could not be a problem, but there are other reasons I believe i will never ind move and will end up being spinster

[Barrabus_the_Free]

There's really only one reason:

It doesn't exist.

Women don't love men, they only love what they can get from men. Romantic love is a bulldrek faerie story.

Men love women. Women love themselves and children. Children love hamsters. Hamsters love sunflower seeds.

[cmale123]

You're idiot about girls. At least one trait girl will like about you is that you are considered to girls. you cared about what a girl want. One thing you need to work on confidence. Girl like nice guy like you but how do they know you are nice guy. You got the right trait to get girls, but you need some help. Ask friend or someone good with girls to help you. Also learn from the ladies, like what they go through, send me a message if my help

[Aloneyloneloner]

Feels like you just described me.
There are lower chicks too, they are just hiding in their homes like you are hiding in yours. The sad tragedy is that you never meet them because they are stored away and don't like going out so you miss the chance

[mrsingle]

Online dating is open for them, but they are going to notice other guys over me. I go out places just not enough places for dating opportunity I guess.

[Aloneyloneloner]

Any girl can be broken down as long as you keep talking to her. Especially girls at 30 are desperate to be in relationships. With girls you face rejection but if you touch it out one of them is bound to love you

[Bluemax]

If you can cook, clean, go to the store, and do other things, it seems to me like you could work.

[hazoplmeught]

@mrsingle can you respond to this, too many likes to get ignored

[Browneye57]

OMFG - quit your whining and fix all that. Yes, you can do it if you really want to.
Read the first two year's blogs at The Rational Male and get back to us.
You're a loser because no one has come along and told or showed you that you don't have to be.
Follow your passion, be awesome, grow in your manhood, and love will find YOU.

[fueledbythc]

I think I'm on a similar mind set as you in terms of staying singe forever but for different reasons. I wish I could be associated with a stereotype like you. I guess it's because I have hobbies like video games to boxing to nature walks. You seem salty about this and my suggestion is to embrace the single life, go out and enjoy nature and long walks to appreciate nature is what will do you wonders.

[Anonymous]

Dude I like this a lot of it describes me especially the no social circle but I come to realize something having a girlfriend or wife isn't required in life. I at 24 have never had one and now that I'm in school focused on my career I may never get one because myself whether that be emotionally, financially is more important then women