I'm writing this Mytake to vent but also for all the other guys out there who are dealing with the same predicament I am, you aren't alone!
I also think girls need to read this, many guys shut their emotions in and I'm not that kind of guy, so you get a sneak peek at my inner thoughts and feelings and perhaps this is how other guys feel too.
1- Out of a girl's social league and 2- Being financially unstable
I have to combine these two.
Being out of a girls social league is comparing where you both are in life and if you will match up in your goals. For example, I don't have a job right now due to a disability, but I do value girls who work or are stable financially. Why, because two broke people won't get far in life. I also like that it shows she is responsible. Why does that suck for me? Girls don't want to support a guy that is jobless or has no savings and they think I'm a loser.
My frustration being out of her league is that I'm not working for health reasons.
It seems that people go for others that help them better themselves in some way, being with a girl who works seems like an improvement for my life being I am broke. I had always hoped love conquers over money, but it doesn't. I wouldn't be using her for her money, it may seem like that (for survival yes), but there are other ways I could contribute in a relationship without money. Need the house cleaned, done. Have errands to be done while you work, I'll do them. Come home from work, dinner will be on the table for you.
Also moral support goes a long way. But alas, having little money has ruined my dating chances. If I was to take a girl out it would be cheap places or free ones, after a while I would run out of places to take her I could afford. She would get bored or feel compelled to pay for me. Unless she is wealthy and doesn't care about money this is a dealer breaker for my rejection.
More often than not women go for men that look good. I'm not going to be considered that kind of guy. I'm a scrawny, tall and thin guy with barely any muscle that wears glasses. That doesn't scream "hot" in most girls eyes. What's sad is that I cannot help how I look, and medical reasons keep me thin with little muscle even if I work out and go on a special diet. Girls don't care why I look like this, all they care is that I don't look attractive. This kills me on dating sites, and even in person girls are too quick to judge my looks without even giving me a chance and get to know me.
4- Nobody finds you interesting
When you get to know me I'm very boring as far as standards for my age go. I don't work or go out with anyone, I can't drive further than locally so I don't get to travel, I don't belong to any clubs or do sports. My hobbies I do have are gardening or photography but those aren't usually social hobbies you meet new people doing. I've tried finding groups or clubs and for gardening there was with all old ladies, photography I tried but nobody connected with me probably for one of the other reasons listed here.
So joining something has not helped make my life any more interesting. Girls see I'm no fun, and when your alone all the time by yourself you lose whatever fun you used to be after a while. One on one with the right girl I would slowly open up and try new things with her that she enjoys but for now I have no reason to do anything else alone I just won't enjoy myself.
5- Being too nice
I'm the king of being labeled a nice guy and always friend zoned . I've just been acting how I was taught to act, apparently times have changed and being polite and nice isn't what girls look for. I don't go up to a girl and say "hey sexy mama your ass is bangin I wanna fuck you till the sun comes up". Even though I might be thinking that about her (yes I have a very dirty kinky mind actually) I cannot pull off saying that out loud and have a good result from it.
I'm very soft spoken and not loud so if I try to project my voice it's like I'm angry and yelling instead of that confident sounding talk. I say intelligent things and sound smart when I talk but I'm not the super stud sweet talker I need to be to get somewhere with a girl I just met. I also don't know how to flirt well or make a move so part of my nice act is actually hesitation not knowing how to act.
6- Complain too much
Yeah, I'm a very open person, that means I have no trouble saying what's on my mind. Apparently, girls don't want to hear it. Instead of holding things in I want to talk to someone and vent, hoping they will understand how I feel and make me feel better in some way. But no, they don't wanna hear it. It's ok for girls to whine about everything and their boyfriends put up with it, but when a guy complains he's labeled as a big baby.
Call me crazy, but aren't you supposed to want to open up to others, it's a cry for attention because at that point you are ignored and your frustrated. I don't think complaining or being open is bad, it just shows your a very open and emotional guy and for me that's who I am and I don't see that as a bad thing. How about those guys that never open up but one conflict and they explode and punch a wall and scream and curse, why do those guys end up in relationships?
7- No social circle
This is a big one. It's hard enough to meet the right girl when your out with friends or at a parties, but when your always going solo like me it's impossible. Like I said earlier I'm not mr Casanova in looks or personality so by myself girls treat me as an outcast. Being I do not have friends what girl will think I'm ok, they will think something is wrong with me right away. They will find it boring never meeting new people if she is all I talk to.
What's even worse if you go out with people in your area you might know, is that in the past when I had friends all it took was one person to think I'm a loser and stop talking, which caused a chain reaction for everyone else to abandon me as a friend. It's that way with girls. One girl rejects you, now her girl friends will avoid you, those girls friends will too, so on and so forth. Before you know it you don't stand a chance and your labeled by everyone.
8- Medical reasons
I have social anxiety, mid severity. This makes conversations and fitting in hard, it also prevents me from working, driving far. I also have health issue that makes me thin not gaining weight or much muscle. Girls judge and because of these issues I have been rejected over and over so much just looking at me and they won't even talk if I approach them! It's made dating hell. Even if I get past the talking then they see I'm super thin and awkward looking and that right there makes rejection even though they don't know me. It's not fair how your born ruins your love life.
Between all those issues that is why I'm undateable. I hope some guys feel better knowing your not alone and girls well guys have feelings too and there shouldn't be so many standards for dating!