*I've seen quite a few questions and posts about love and dating. While I will admit I am no expert on paper I do believe these things to be helpful in all situations. There are no set rules to follow except to be genuine. All of these ideas are based on the concept of being genuine throughout the entire dating process and relationship. I hope you'll enjoy.*
Self Reflection
Before getting into dating and relationships self reflection is always important. You need to first understand who you are and what you're looking for in both life and love. You cannot have a successful or healthy relationship without wholeness of self. You need to give yourself time to figure yourself out. Love is about sharing your completeness with another, not using others in order to complete you. No person is perfect, and no person is capable of giving you the self love that you can. Spend time with who you are, learn your likes, dislikes, and set goals.
Understand why you want a relationship and what the purpose for that relationship is.
Time for Pause
When a relationship ends there needs to be a time for pause. Meaning, it is important you avoid jumping from relationship to relationship. People who are constantly with a new boyfriend or girlfriend tend to be one of two things, or more than usual, both.
1. Emotionally Unstable
2. Mentally Unprepared
What I mean by these things is that an emotionally unstable person is dependent on others to bring them happiness. In the dating world an emotional dependent is completely toxic. Their sanity is reliant on their partner and it is not only unfair, but keeping them happy is an impossibility. Emotions are fleeting and no human is capable of keeping another happy 24/7.
Mentally unprepared is the other side to the same coin. When you jump from relationship to relationship you're skipping the self reflection process. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and while it is slightly possible the fault of the relationship can be placed on one person it is more likely that it is both people. Or that the other contributed in some way. Not taking a break to look back and figure out what you have done wrong or could have done better means you are mentally unprepared for the next relationship you enter.
When a relationship ends your immediate goal shouldn't be finding their replacement. It should be allowing yourself time to heal and grow to be better for the next one.
Heartbreak
It seems as though a lot of people fear emotional pain more than physical pain. Heartbreak is something that just happens, and like all the other pain in our lives it is meant to provide growth. If there is anything you can take away from this, it's the importance of growing as an individual.
Getting your heart broken is terrible yes, but it is nothing to be feared.
Things aren't always going to work the way you want them to but that doesn't mean you should become bitter or fearful. If anything you should welcome the experience. You're a human being allow yourself to have feelings. Allow yourself to cry and grieve. Allow yourself to feel your pain and later defeat it. Do not go into self pitying mode and blame others for your short comings or lack of success. Do not become angry. Emotional pain is a very temporary thing that you are more than capable of dealing with. Do not allow yourself to become damaged and toxic just because you got your heart broken. If anything heartbreak provides a richer understanding of what it means to be in love.
Heartbreak teaches you how to love better
"What rules to follow?"
I've seen so many dating articles that discuss things like "Who should call first," "When to say goodbye," "Don't let him know you're interested" and I wonder...why would anyone listen to this?
The whole purpose of dating is to find someone who is emotionally compatible with you and in the age of articles everyone seems to be believing in the contradictory advice that is plastered everywhere. Dating isn't about mind games, it's about love. When it comes to dating and relationships there are no written rules or guidelines that you can follow to win over someone's heart.
Something I see is a lot of people wondering what they should say next, when should they call someone or if they should initiate contact. I'm always seeing people ask for advice on what something means or if there could be some hidden meaning behind someone's compliment.
Since when has love become a cold and calculated mind game? If someone tells you you're beautiful or handsome believe them. If someone says they would like nothing more than to see you again don't run and hide! Welcome the experience. If someone wants to talk to you, or if you'd like to talk to them then do it.
Don't be afraid to show another person you're interested.
It isn't about looking cool or trying to impress them. That is not genuine, and when you start off by lying about who you are and what you are like then you are going to fail. Do not be afraid to be you. The whole point is to find someone who accepts and appreciates you in spite of your flaws.
When Enough is Enough
One of the most important things to realize is when enough is enough. You have to be able to summon up the strength and courage to walk away from a situation when it is toxic. Too many people stay in abusive relationships because they're under this impression that the person will change. Is change possible? Yes. Will it happen because you want it to? No.
Change can only occur when the individual recognizes and accepts that something is wrong. An abusive partner has their own internal issues that you cannot repair or make go away. Their own problems are entirely on them and have nothing to do with you.
Do not allow your temporary feelings to blind you from seeing the truth about your partner. Whether they're overly controlling, have anger problems, hit things, hit you perhaps. Love does not hurt you, any person who will willingly hurt you does not love you.
Compromise
Relationships involve sharing yourself with someone else and in order to do that while allowing them to do the same there must be compromise. Couples need to find a common ground on a variety of issues but also when it comes to respect and the treatment of each other. I've seen so many people discuss how this or that won't change and if the other person doesn't like it they can go kick rocks.
That form of thinking is destructive and selfish. It shows you they aren't in the relationship for the happiness of another but for their own self centered reasons.
Loving someone has everything to do with them and little to do with you. True love is giving love. A partner that genuinely cares for you will think about you first and themselves second. If you have two people doing that then everyone's needs will be met, but if you only have one person thinking of the other the relationship will become severally unbalanced.
*Well that's it for now. I hope what I've written could have helped a few of you figure some things out and shine a light on a couple of issues. Take care.*
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