Search Results: dating again

My husband and I are divorcing after 5 years. 10 years together total. We have a 2 year old together and he doesn’t respect or value our marriage. He has been talking about divorce for a long time now and always try’s to reconcile as I do as well. I thought we were trying to fix things until he asked me for a divorce again. And I found out after he asked for a divorce (2 months prior) he messaged a coworker of mine behind my back flirting and trying to get a quickie out of her. At the time I was in Miami for 3 days having a procedure. When I came back this past October we were trying to get pregnant. Month later he wants a divorce. I also found out he downloaded dating apps on his phone during our marriage. So I’m so hurt that he is telling me now that he feels no connection etc, and is emotionally disconnected. And has been. But why waste my time these past 2 years.. if he could have it in him to get on dating apps and try to have sex with my coworker why did he continue a marriage he had no intention on taking seriously? Even after everything he did I am so hurt and depressed and can’t seem to process even the idea of letting go. Part of me wants to move back home to another state near my family with my toddler (which he agreed to me doing as long as he can have our son in the summers). I just can’t seem to let go, I feel like a failure, I’m still in love, and I’m so scared to just start over again. We moved to Florida away from everyone, built a home, started a life.

I'm hurting right now and very upset. My suspicious were confirmed just 2 days ago when my husband left his FB messenger open. It was messages between him and my SIL (sister-in-law). He admitted to her that he always loved his ex girlfriend Olivia from his much younger years. They met as 9 year-olds playmates, then dated for a short time in their Sophomore year of HS, she broke up the next year and met someone else.

The woman is married but still has him on his FB contact list as friends. He admitted to my SIL that he still loves her more than me. He loves me but I'm not really his first option. He would've wanted to have kids with her. He also said it was true what he once told me while drunk when we were just dating. Then this was the hurting part for me, the SIL asked if he would leave me if Olivia were to get divorced now and she reciprocated his feelings and he reply was a ''Yes, unfortunately I would leave (my name) but that'll never happen. I have to accept being in Olivia's forever friendzone''.

Flashback to the time we were just boyfriend and girlfriend:

We were drinking and while making love, he called me by her name. He literally said ''Oh Olivia, I love you... yeah''. Then tried to fix it right away when I got upset immediately. He called it a stupid drunken mistake and how we would never get drunk like that ever again and even reconfirmed me a bunch of times that he got over her already. I stupidly believed him.

Is this fair? We have a 7 year-old son and he's still obsessing over her? He never got over her and just got with me as second best.