Met a guy on online dating 2 years ago. We are now 30 (31 soon) and I not long since turned 29.
A couple months after meeting we agreed to be friends with benefits, so yes we have had sex. Amazing sex shall I add. Then a year ago he expressed to me how much stress he was under and just wanted a good friend, I agreed to put the friends with benefits on hold. Since then he was more open about his life, seeing him near enough everyday. He was coming to me about important life decisions about his education, talking more openly about his family. Even met both our families! Sort of become like a package deal for special events.
We were going out in public, having meals together, days out. He even bought me presents like books, flowers, chocolates etc... we spend most of our nights in watching Marvel movies/series in chronological order as I never watched them and he loves them (so do I! so far) I genuinely enjoy his company and have loads of inside jokes with each other.
He has never spent over-night at my house and only recently has he expressed wanting sexual relations again, but he has said his sexual drive is sporadic due to his stress with his university course of Advanced Quantum Mechanics. Which I understand of course, it's not an easy course to take.
Tonight, I was quite upset after a 12 hour shift at work as I had been experiencing bullying for months at work and kept it to myself. But it was like a straw on a camels back kind of deal and I broke down in tears as soon as I got in my car.
I messaged him asking if he was able to come over as I needed someone to talk to. He messaged he was on his way, he didn't even question it and told me in person he was ready for bed when I messaged him. Which I feel bad for and told him he didn't have to run to my rescue if he was already in bed! He said not to worry about it and I finally told him about the bullying issues I was having at work, giving me solutions to my issues. Am I more than a friend to him?
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3Opinion
it sounds like he cares about you but i would fully trust whatever he says as to the status of your relationship
I respect his feelings, it just feels like he's holding back his true feelings to focus on his own goals and not be distracted by a relationship but still maintains his 'relationship' with me. He still sees me everyday by his choice. But it's comforting to know he's there for me during the downs rather than the ups.
so he has situated things in a terminology that is comfortable for him. to him, you are a friend, because that’s what he wants to call you. maybe what he calls a friend feels like a relationship to you. it’s up to you to decide whether whatever it is matches what you want
my main point is that in my experience, you really have to believe exactly what people say. if you see and want a different future, you dips talk to him about it so you aren’t just waiting
dips=should
Sounds like you two are meant to be. How much longer does he have in school?
Depends if he passes at LEAST 50% of his course through assignments and homework by the end of June 2024, if he does then he has to do a full blown assignment on everything he learned. With Advanced Quantum Mechanics apparently only 1 out of 20 uni students pass. They only accepted 27 applicants for the course out of 1000 that applied.
It would be reasonable to say to him, "It looks like you will probably be finishing school next June. I'm starting to think about what happens after that. I'm hoping that our relationship continues, grows stronger and closer. . . but only if that's what you want, too. And I don't want to make assumptions, so is that something we can talk about now?"
Yes, I really think so.