Why do I only attract guys I'm not interested in?

[greystreet]

The only guys that are ever obviously interested in me are not appealing to me at all. Sorry in advance for how long this is, I just wanted to be clear :P

Firstly, they tend to be "weirdos" for lack of a better term...by that I don't mean eccentric or goofy or something like that. I mean immature, socially awkward, negative/pessimistic, slobby ( doesn't put any obvious effort into grooming, clothes etc.), unconfident, unambitious and some level of physically unattractive. (Not necessarily all of these things but a decent combination) Also, the other half of the problem is that they tend to not really have little in common with me (as in interests, beliefs, and sense of humor).

I'm a little clumsy and shy and can be awkward at times, so I'm willing to forgive a reasonable amount of social awkwardness in anyone else, but some of these guys are so socially ignorant they are rude! As for the looks, I don't have to have to be with the best looking guy in the room, but to be honest I want someone I'm attracted to enough that I would be comfortable kissing him. For the most part, I don't like to write people off right away, but after conversing with these guys and seeing that we have little in common , I'm not attracted to them and sometimes find them downright annoying I wonder what it is about me that attracts these guys or what I'm doing wrong.

To describe me: As I mentioned before, I'm a smart (Ivy-league educated), mature girl who can be shy/quiet. I personally like to be casual about what I wear, but always look presentable (i.e. jeans, cute top, earrings, take care of/style my hair and put on some mascara). I also said that I can be awkward at times (who isn't?), but I don't think it is a defining characteristic of mine :P I'm probably not the most confident person in the world, but I don't make it a habit to broadcast my insecurities... As for attracting whiny, pessimistic guys, I would say I'm an optimist (not over-whelming so, but I do tend to look on the bright side, or at least try to). Looks is where it gets tough for me to be objective. I have been told that I am good-looking, pretty, hot etc. by plenty of people... I just don't feel it. I've been going to a counselor who diagnosed me with body dysmorphic disorder so I'm probably not the best judge there. I work-out on a regular basis and take care of my body...I will just post my measurements and leave it to you do decide whether or not you think I am heavy or whatever: 5' 2.5" (height :P), 32DD (bust), 25.5 (waist), 34.5 (hips). As for my personality I have been told I am playful, funny, generous, kind and stubborn.

Also as a note I don't feel like I *need* a boyfriend - I have hobbies, friends and work that keep me busy and happy (aside from the last one there lol jk)...its just that I am 23 years old and I have never had a boyfriend and I would like to be with someone at some point in my life, so what am I doing wrong/ what is wrong with me? Thank you!

Updates

+1 y

Sorry again for how long it is!

[HandsomeRaj]

1, GAG is meant to be for lengthy questions too which is why they allow you to write so much

2. Those who are at GAG know that lengthy questions are bound to come in, those who want to read them do so and answer it, those who don't want to leave it alone - simple

3. Please stop being apologetic for such things :) Anyone who is rude to you for a 'lengthy' question or answer is an a****** ;)

Ok now coming to your question :)

1. There's a movie starring Steven Seagal named Exit wounds where he has a dialogue when there are some miscreants who are trying to steal his vehicle. He says to himself "What am I, a sh*t magnet?" - sometimes things keep happening to you immaterial of what you do, leave it at that. Accept it as a part of life and you'll know how to deal with it rather than keep pondering why which will trouble you more :) - I do that all the time

2. Practically other reasons again. You say you are a confident, optimistic, smart, mature etc girl. This is something every male likes in a woman (atleast initially) and gets attracted to her.

3. Most times guys who are not as good as you or those with even subconscious low self esteem and other ways you have described get attracted to such women / girls (such guys are generally looking forward to normally acquire that woman which by itself boosts their ego even if not confidence while 'controlling' them or having that woman love them etc keeps them confident and ego boosted too.

4. There is nothing wrong with you. There are only right things in you which is why this is happening.

5. As of your measurements I think you are HOT as HELL (please pardon me I basically don't mince or play around with words - this was meant to be a compliment)

[HandsomeRaj]

Thank you so much for the BA :) - appreciate it :)

[TedStar]

It's unfortunate. Why don't you find the guys you are interested in and if they aren't feeling you then just ask them why not. I know girls want guys to come to them, but with your luck or lack thereof you need to force issues yourself.

[Anonymous]

Because you're clumsy, shy, and socially awkward you're not gonna attract a lot of desirable guys.you're gonna attract guys close to your level and a little below your level. You may not broadcast your insecurities, but if you are insecure you do it unknowingly.men can sense an insecure woman even if she hasn't said anything.

Also, you're too accommodating to men you're not interested in, giving them hope they have a chance.if you know you're not attracted to a guy, don't give him a chance.women stop doing this.he wouldn't have even spoken to you if he did not find you attractive.

[XXKSxxXX]

I disagree , because I get respect from a lot of people that are mature and career oriented (as my directors, CEO, etc) and I feel confidante talking about things that I believe and like to talk about mature things, such as science , human nature, philosophy and, etc. Place me in immature group that I cannot comprehend what those people are doing or how they are behaving, what are their goals in life, etc . I will feel out of place, awkward, shy, and no conversation from my part. And no one is perfect, it cute when mature person acts clumsy sometimes :)

[Konnour]

Maybe you just lose attraction as soon as someone shows interest to you?

[DrumNB4ssDubst3p]

cause once they are attracted to you, you're not interested in them! haha..