Search Results: stand up for myself

Long story short fighting with boyfriend over his 4-5 day disappearing hanging with other people and chicks, and then when I go anywhere even a gas station for 35 min to an hour hanging out with my friends he gets upset and wants me to break down my reasons well on day 4 I said I didn't want to continue the relationship with how much he takes off never tells me where he's going makes me worry and never replies to me. Never helps at home with the baby.. so I finally say point blank in black and white, WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP? he says he will move out, I'm a fucking bitch, he can't stand me, and he will come pack his stuff.
Later 6 hours later asks if he can come get clothes I say yes. He shows up to sleep and repeat the cycle of taking off once awake. NOW 4 days after finding out his intentions I've tried distancing myself, Detaching etc. And He sparks another argument with me which I say why does it matter that I cooked dinner with my family last night I deserve social interaction too besides just kids all day. He says it's not fair cause he doesn't get to go out. He will count me 1 hour with my family but his 5 to 8 hour hangout at the neighbors wasn't getting out. Then I blow up saying, Were not together so who gives a fuck and he's like oh now we're not together I'm like no we haven't been together since you told me your intentions. I used to love him so much but the controlling behavior only seems to be getting worse. To the point he tells our neighbors he was going to smack the fuck out of me. Like what man does that? If someone told you that they hate you and their intentions were to leave you, then, by all means why does he think we're now working it out? Yea I've been civil. Civilly waiting for him to get his shit and go. Then says he doesn't know what makes me think he didn't want to still be with me? Like I'm more into self love after this experience. I asked point blank his intentions yet I'm the bad person now.

So, I'm quite sensitive when it comes to touch & my boyfriend of more than 2 years is more on the other end of the spectrum. When he's sober, we arrange this well & are both happy, except for the occasional reminder for him to not break my neck when bear hugging me.

I want to clarify, he is a very kind soul, just clumsy, so it's always good intentions from him! But sometimes he accidently hurts me, which annoys me if it's too frequent & that's case when he's drunk. The more drunk/drugged, the worse it gets, as you simply loose control over your body. He tries super hard to give me my space & be veeery careful touching me then, but it's just not working. I'm kind of conditioned at this point that when he comes close to me drunk, he'll likely step on my foot/squeeze me too hard/poke his nose in my eye/get his fingers stuck in my hair, so I tense up as soon as he comes near me in that state. The worst part is that he's especially vulnerable & affectionate when drunk, but I just have to defend my space & tell him off & he can tell I'm not fond of him, which hurts him a lot.

I tried to avoid his drunk/drugged persona (he knows all of this, we communicate about it), but I also don't wanna miss all fun evenings with our friends. Moreover, it's a part of him (which he does not want to give up in this part of his life) and so I sometimes want to be with him in that state too. But it often ends in him being hurt & in a bad mood the next day, trying to recover from the rejections of the previous night and then he's the one needing his space, so I can't hug or kiss him to show him affection then, or to say sorry.

I know the most obvious solution is for me to avoid him in that state. But I wonder if anyone else made such experiences & whether you think this makes us a bad match/myself kind of a bad girlfriend, at least for him, that I can't deal with this? It hurts me a lot to hurt him and I hate myself in those moments for being so mean, I just don't know another way.