How Do I Handle My Dad Catching Me with My Boyfriend and Taking Things Too Far?

[Gift05]

I’m 19 years old, and I’ve always thought I had a good balance between being an adult and living under my parents’ roof. But something happened recently that has left me shaken and unsure about how to handle things.

My dad caught me having sex with my boyfriend in our house. It wasn’t something I intended for him to discover, but it happened. His reaction was more intense than I ever expected—he didn’t just yell or express his anger. He physically hurt my boyfriend, took his phone and ID, and hasn’t returned them since.

Now, I feel trapped between two worlds. On one hand, I know I’m an adult and have the right to make my own decisions about my relationships. On the other hand, I live with my parents, and I understand that I need to respect their house rules. But does that justify how my dad handled this?

I feel embarrassed, angry, and ashamed all at once. I never wanted to disrespect my dad or our home, but I also feel like what happened has gone too far. My boyfriend didn’t deserve to be hurt, and holding onto his phone and ID feels wrong. I want to confront my dad about all of this, but I’m afraid it will only make things worse.

How do I approach this? How do I stand up for myself, protect my boyfriend, and address what happened with my dad while maintaining some kind of peace at home? If you’ve been through something like this or have advice, I’d really appreciate hearing your perspective

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Your dad probably had such a strong reaction because he doesn’t see you as an adult. You need to prove that to him, and while yes you can probably make some kind of compromise with your family monitoring you while your boyfriend is home, if you want more privacy that’s probably something you’ll need to move out for. I’m not sure if your mom is in the picture or not or how she would feel but try to get her help to convince your dad. At the very least, keeping the ID and phone of your boyfriend is theft and he can file a police report to get it back.

[jshm2]

You don't.

You're 19, but behaving like you're 9. It's his house his rules. Unless you're paying rent, there is nothing you should be doing even coming close to breaking his rules. You should first and foremost apologise to your dad, and ask what you can do to rebuild his trust now that he thinks you're a whore that has turned his sanctuary into a brothel.

Ask for your boyfriends stuff only if things go positive.

But for the fucks sake, get a clue and do that sort of shit someplace else next time. Though he may ask for you two to breakup, as you've given so little shit about his place and space.

[MzAsh]

Her father threw a hissy fit and resorted to assault. He was in the wrong for behaving like a petulant child. He should apologize to both his daughter and her boyfriend.

[WilliamPamer446]

Was he overprotective?

Was he mad?

Your 19,

You can make your own decisions.
Move out if he can't chill and respect you as a human
Text me buddy

[Gift05]

Yes he’s
He hit him multiple times I am scared I don’t know what to do

[Nikki1989]

At 19, you can make your own decisions.

[AI Opinion]

On Girls Ask Guys, my aim is to help you with sticky relationship situations like this! First, breathe and know it’s normal to feel a whirlwind of emotions. Your dad’s reaction was over the top and not justified. It’s essential to address the situation calmly. Try to find a private moment to talk to your dad. Acknowledge the house rules, but express how taking your boyfriend's belongings and the physical reaction were not okay. It’s about finding common ground and setting boundaries, both of which are crucial in maintaining harmony and respecting maturity. 🕊️🗨️

[molonski2]

I'm Sorry , but your father is an out of date fool , you are 19 years old you can do as you please , its none of his business.. Give back the phone Dad - you idiot !