Why are sibling relationships more difficult at maintaining the older the siblings get?

[Anonymous]

I have a sister. She’s two years younger than me. She has a car, I’m working toward getting one. I rarely ask my sister to take me anywhere. Whenever I have gotten a ride from her she offered but the few times I have asked without her offering she said “no” in her own way but rather than directly say no she gives a million reasons to why she can’t take me but that’s neither here or there because it’s her car and if she doesn’t want to take me that’s fine. Regardless, I still get done what I need to get done. Most recently, she again indirectly told me no again and I left it at that but deep inside I can see and feel the intentions behind it. She only wants to take me places if she offers to. My mom asked why I always get my groceries delivered rather than ask my sister to take me to the grocery store. I honestly told her, not in a messy or vindictive way but in a honest way, that my sister doesn’t really like taking me places. It was my truth. My sister reacted to what I said (which she had a right too) but she was upset, I wasn’t. It was like it triggered her that I actually spoke up against her. I’m mostly quiet, I never call her out, I’m mild mannered. She got use to that so the few times I do speak out about how I feel it makes her feel a way especially since I believe she knows it’s true but she denied that it was. She then started to throw in my face the few times she did take me places but once again it was only when she offered to, not when I asked meaning what I said still stood to be true. Before I knew it she was calling me “Weird” “Crazy” and told me I’m always being messy and starting things when the reality of it is I rarely speak up for myself. I’ve always been known for being quiet and chill. Then she said that I needed mental help. Even though I have no mental diagnosis. She then left the house upset and stayed the night at her friends house.

[Rosexøxø]

😱😱😱

I CAN RELATE LOL that’s so crazy. I also have had my groceries delivered because of this issue. It also was a tense thing between my sisters and I. THEY ALSO HAVE REACTED when I’ve simply spoke to mom about why things were going the way they were going.

They do just enough to seem as if they mean well, but it’s just a pose.

MY GOODNESS you’re so self aware and secured. You’re also smart for thinking of an alternative since you couldn’t rely on her or any other relative for the assistance.

You made great claims all around 👏 BUT what I wanted to add to it was how she says she HAS helped you here and there but doesn’t she realize as well as anyone else that groceries aren’t a once in a blue moon kind of ordeal-

You need to have that routinely sis! 😂 this isn’t some gesture of kindness or sticker of support. It’s your means of living and needing to cover for that. That’s the biggest thing needing to be realized and acknowledged here.

You handled everything superbly and honestly take these opportunities to do more for yourself and find another path.

There’s multiple ways up a mountain. Multiple ways to skin a deer/cat as they say. Multiple ways to start a fire 🔥. You can certainly do it. Of course I have to throw in my two cents with anything you get delivered make sure to certainly check for any discounts you can make use of. Any limited deals where you get freebies or a freeby if you mention or share with a friend or something like that.

Honestly. As much disapproval I could give towards my sisters for how they’ve handled things with me, I’ve had just enough time to take notice their lives not being all that peachy either. One mentioned contemplation of existence and stuff like that meanwhile she’s got a-z more stuff than me. As well as the other. I just can’t blame them. Cause even when I’d personally make progress, and do a bit better than before, I’d still have moments of disappointment because it was still in a struggling phase and I’d need to improve more before I was 100% happy with everything and able to chillax.

Your sister is another human. Let’s throw in there a female. You’re both upcoming. Youth in the world so she’s not super woman. Just see she’s just like you in the sense of “the struggle is real” trying to establish oneself and get the goals in the baggy ✨, and understand that she’s not at her best self yet. She’s not totally content or perfect of a human. So with that you can’t take it too seriously or take big offense. Don’t really take it personal.

Acknowledge the hurt you’ve felt and find the next best steps towards resolution. For yourself 💯.

I think a part of growing up is also us finding the exact marker of where we need to stand in our new independence. And it’s not always handed to us. We gotta work for it. Work towards it.

So things will get better for you and her issues aren’t your problem and vice versa. You can give pointers to each other but just respect that you both are your own individuals and not little girls anymore. You’re both probably very different people from when you both were younger-

THAT or

You both are more solidified with yourselves and nature and less tolerant of anything that clashes with you you both are trying to be more and more.

Yes the siblingship gets tougher when older, but I think it’s really just the individuality of each other solidifying and foremost it’s any pressures of society and life challenges placed upon both of you. And you both learning to maneuver it.

When you’re both secured and past this I don’t think you both would be BEST friends or soul sisters / soul mates or something like that, but it will be more of a liberal notion for you both to choose and be able to socialize and exchange small talk with each other if you both wanted to.

Now it’s not feeling like much of an option because you both are fighting to be more and more of who you need/want to be/become.

These tensions and strains are temporary, but depending on how each handles it, can determine if the ties/relations will be severed long term or if they will remain in tact by the end of this.

I just will say keep doing what you’re doing, focus on what you need to get done until you’re sailing comfortably and can multitask better with relationships and family relationships. Don’t change who you are for others. Not for anyone. Especially in the stages of your life such as this one.

best to you both! 💯

Totally grasped what you shared here and I can definitely say I’ve definitely experienced very similar situations.

[Asker]

I love your response. It’s the most uplifting. Honestly I’m just tired of being the big sister, that’s always apologizing even when I’m not wrong. I’m tired of being walked over, being made to feel like I’m less than by her. I love my sister and if she was in a crisis I’ll be there but as we both evolve and realize who we are and go in different paths I’m relaxing what you said. We can have a simple relationship. It won’t be like Tia and Tamera but we’ll grow to respect each others growth, boundaries, who we are as individuals to each other and move on. Then can come small talk and it doesn’t have to be fake because we still love each other but it’s no need to force our relationship to be anything more than what it is but feelings have to observed and spoken about because that’s the only way we’ll mature and compromise.

[Gwendoline]

Siblings should remain close but as we get older and have our own life outside the family home such as going to college, getting married, having kids, moving away it can be hard as we see less and less of each other.

[Garud]

You are very attached. Gather your emotions and focus on your life instead of wasting your energy with these people.

You told them your reason, now if they want to understand or not it is their wish.

Keep your distance and build your life.

No matter what you do, you will get blamed. Because you are a quiet person.

People are selfish and they think they are not.
Parents can be biased.
Logic doesn't work with them.
Be diplomatic and walk your path

[AviatorTom]

When young, siblings typically work together, cooperating with each other. As they get older, though, they become more competitive, and grown apart. That's just Nature's way.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I think it just has to do with us going our own way in life and living.

[Rosexøxø]

Agreed 💯

[AnonAndrew]

I don't know, I haven't noticed this.

My sisters and I have always gotten along well (though of course we had the occasional fight growing up), and we still do.

[Alwayreckles93]

Your sister is toxic it's best you cutt her off.

[Nikki1989]

People should just be happy they have sibling relationships. Mine was shattered to pieces 23 years ago.

[Abbycado]

I don't know. I am not that old but have an older sister. We have a great relationship.

[jahaims]

You are influenced by separate things and that changes behavior

[kaucky1]

There should not be any rivalery each sisters holes can be filled qaudruplely from just my vessal re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[clampfan101]

Relationships in general get more difficult with age.

[Eva1995]

Probably so much a like. Especially amongs sisters.

[red-lipstick-girl]

KYour brother is so selfish and cruel

[MasterKS]

Personal freedom and personal life!