Am i asking my fiance too much and disrespecting her boundaries? What would you do if your spouse does not like your sibling’s sig. other? Its only a matter of time before my brother notices what my fiance is doing (no ones said anything yet).
For context: My brother is in a serious relationship with a girl (call her B) that my fiance (call her A) doesn’t like over an incident that happened in highschool (in our 30s now). A is the type to never forgive/befriend anyone who does her wrong, A will hate you forever. I dont expect A to be close bffs, hangout, etc. with B, but i expect civility during family events and for A to try welcome B in the family. A doesn’t cause scenes, but she NEVER talks to B. A always says hi/bye, hugs and talks to everyone in the family during events, but not to B. If A is talking to the family as a group she makes eye contact with everyone except B. I feel A is intentionally trying to make B feel left out. B always initiates/tries to talk to A by complimenting her, asking questions, etc. but A keeps it short with one word replies. If A and B are left alone, A goes on her phone and ignores B and i can tell B looks at A and is trying to muster up courage to talk to A more when left alone. I feel B is not who she was in highschool. I addressed it LOTS with A to just try and initiate small talk/say hi for once to B, but it always ends up in a fight with A saying I dont support or respect her boundaries. If B disrespected A on the spot (which won't happen) i’d definitely defend A. What if they get married/have kids? There’ll be unavoidable interactions. As a last resort, i want to respectfully take B aside and ask her to apologize, but i dont want tension. I want the incident to be at rest. I dont want to ruin my relationship with my brother.
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i feel like from what you said, she is being civil. keeping it short and not getting into any real interaction is the best you can hope for. it’s a wonder she hasn’t caused a confrontation or scene. she really is being respectful to your family and yes, she does need to set her personal boundaries
sorry, but it’s not for you to say what if this person being your sister in law. if the relationship ends up getting patched up, time has healed worse, but that is not a realistic expectation
please don’t push it further. support your fiancée :) this won’t be the last time you honor her comfort level even though you disagree
she is probably very hurt. a video has a similar situation with high school background. she is probably shocked someone would date a monster
so dont expect her to warm up.
Is your sibling aware of any of this? I honestly feel like this is something that the girls need to resolve on their own. From A’s perspective it probably seems like you’re taking B’s side on this because you’re defending B (in A’s eyes).