I’m 30 and scared of getting into a serious relationship because of cheating?

[Anonymous]

Throughout my 20s i messed with a lot of women who had boyfriends. I moved out when I was 20 and I was in a new city. I used dating sites on top of meeting girls in public. The girls who I met in public were usually the girls who I talked to for prolonged periods. But on the dating sites I had a lot of one night stands or friends with benefits with girls who had boyfriends. I've slept with multiple women who told me they had a boyfriend and I would say things like let’s just chill and smoke or hang out I need new friends I just moved here. I have a welcoming personality and a lot of women feel comfortable with me and multiple times I’ve started flirting and it’s turned sexual.. multiple times if I realize she’s open to the way I’m flirting I’ve tried to make her initiate touching. Saying playful things like why you over there let’s cuddle etc. and if I make a move and she says she has a boyfriend I say the typical he doesn’t have to know it can be our secret. Or say worry about that right now. I've told a girl to compare who fucks her better between us. Knowing that more than likely I’m way bigger than her boyfriend. I've made girl’s pick up the phone while we having sex. I’ve given girls hickeys knowing she has a boyfriend. I’ve seen so many girls turn their phone over right as I’m putting it in for the first time. And I’ve thought to myself after the fact something is wrong with me and my karma is gonna be bad I’m gonna find someone I’m deeply in love with and I’m gonna be cheated on and it’s made me shy away from relationships. I don’t know what to do or how to get over that feeling. I truly feel like it’s not one relationship where someone hasn’t done something that either party can deem as cheating even if it’s not sexual.

[lightbulb27]

No wonder, look at your past. You... if this story is true... see how easily led astray females are. You are swimming around in your own private "hell" which doesn't seem to care about others, but you care about your own fear. Selfish much?

Why are you ok screwing over other men? Because you learned spite at a young age?

Granted, I was blind and did something like that once, but I turned and went the other way. You kept going. It isn't too

Being open, exposing the flaws, healing the deeper wounds, would be a way to better healthy place. You may not feel worthy of trust.. this is how "the devil" makes us feel... guilty. By doing so, we are held in that negative emotion, which blocks us from living. As you write says you have some consciousness, so that's good. Means you have ability to turn a new leaf and move on in life.

All people are just repeating what they learned at a young age, or was passed onto them, until there is a motivator to change.

[genericname85]

just avoid the obvious red flags and take the risk. you can't date and expect that you 100% won't be cheated. shit happens. if it does: it sucks but get over it and move on.

[MzAsh]

It’s your guilty conscience knowing you don’t deserve an honest woman. What do you think you need to do to set things right?

[Asker]

I don’t know other than talk about how I was wrong and acknowledge that I was wrong. It’s one thing to have sex with women not knowing that they have a boyfriend it’s a whole different story when you know and don’t care. Pretty much it’s my guilty conscience

[Anonymous]

What kind of girl do u want. Are u capable of loyalty? I don’t think u have it in u

[Asker]

I believe so but I’ve learned that the girls who I truly care for i use them as therapist because of the shaky relationship with my mom. My father was like me and my grandfather was married since the age of 20 but it didn’t seem like he was happy mainly because of his 5 kids

[Apple1996]

It sounds like you were the problem. Making yourself available to these women to cheat

[Hellraiser1984]

That's why I don't date. Too much stress. Too many things can go wrong. Rejection, break ups, divorce, alimony, child support. Screw it. Just find friends and go to the bunny ranch.

[Anonymous]

It's understandable. Most women today are not capable on loyalty. But when you look at your history may this is kind of karma.

[In_Trance]

All that typing and not a single question mark

[Anonymous]

Therapy