Search Results: perfect kiss

I've been seeing a gentleman for a few months now. He's everything I've been seeking in a man; smart, dependable, ambitious, and sweet. He's good at making conversation, but I'm unsure of the chemistry between us. The silences feel more awkward than comfortable (from my perspective, anyway) and while his bear hugs are great, it doesn't feel intimate in the same way it did with past boyfriends. I still don't feel totally comfortable with initiating touching or kissing, despite his encouragement. I find myself anxious if I'm being weird or awkward, he insists I am neither.
Something just feels off, and I don't know what it is! I have experienced abusive relationships in the past, so I wonder if my emotional programming doesn't know what to do with his kindness or it's a chemistry issue. I know I tend to be attracted to narcissistic men (outwardly & socially confident, internally insecure), which he is not (very internally secure & stable), is that why it feels wrong?
He's just so perfect for me, why doesn't it feel "right"?

We have been on and off for 6 years. After the first year he randomly broke up with me. I saw messages between him and his friend talking about how good looking their past experiences had became and his friend was like shame you’ll have to sleep with your girlfriend (me). He then pleaded for me back. And I saw messages between the same friend saying how amazing looking I was. (This friend tried with me before my boyfriend and I rejected him). His friend was saying yeah she’s so stunning. But they must have known I read their messages. But he also said stop talking like that or I’ll sleep with your girlfriend..

Then he got fed up of me being bothered of this conversation. Then broke up with me. Tried his hardest whenever he was out but kept getting rejected. He finally managed to kiss a girl who was really ugly. He even admitted that but that was his type at the time.

Then I moved on (he made a Facebook status calling me a cheat..) after he broke up with me and tried to move on. He begged for me back then. Stalked me on social media. A month later I gave in and got back with him. It was perfect for a month. (He was still always searching girls up on social media’s)

Then he broke it off again but kept sleeping with me. He finally managed to kiss another girl. Who wasn’t ugly. He felt the need to call me ugly randomly but she didn’t want to sleep with him either so he begged for me back. I found out about this a year later.

It’s always like this. Is he just using me or does he genuinely find me attractive and want me? He always claims we get back together because we can’t help it and that we are soulmates.

Did him and his friend stage that conversation