He doesn't want to be couple but wants all the benefits of it?

[Anonymous]

I was seeing this guy for a month and from the start we were like a couple; we were kissing passionately and making out, we were going out on dates, holding hands, hugging and kissing in public, staying over the night, talk on the phone every day, he was genuinely interested in how my day went and how my day at work was, he called me pet and baby names, etc. etc. Literally everything that couples do. But no sex because I didn't want to until we are solid. All he said in the beginning is that he is not interested in casual and is looking for real connection, which I understood that he is aiming for a relationship (and with all how he was behaving with me). Then I decided that I was ready for sex, and he came over and I just had to confirm where his head is so I asked him about what we are. And he said that he doesn't want to be a couple because he is not ready for a commitment, that he just likes to enjoy the moment and that he really enjoying these moments with just the way it is. That he doesn't look ahead in the future. The reason is because he was hurt in the past, he said that he hasn't had feelings for anyone in a very long time and he is used to that, so that he fears that he will hurt me. That he doesn't want to feel guilty when he has days when he just wants to fool around. I asked "you mean when you want to hookup with other girls?" and he said "no, I don't have desires to hookup with others". So I'm really confused at what he means exactly? He wants to continue this and to see where it goes, but without pressure and expectations. Do you think I should give it a try? I was thinking suggesting that we just be friends, I know that I can do that because I didn't fall that much for him yet and I genuinely enjoy his company. But then again, maybe I will miss an opportunity to develop something more with him. Because if this want we were doing so far is what he wants then it's perfect, it's been perfect so far. Other things are just labels.

[lisarighteye]

It takes time to develop stronger feelings. And most don't want to commit unless those feelings are more certain. I would give it time. If he is willing, keep talking without the sex. Spend more time face to face and ask each other things that matter to you. Talk about things you are passionate about, debate ideas/perspectives.. that's how the bond become stronger and that'd even you'll either see it as more friendship or full on attraction. Best of luck you two💛

[Asker]

We just talked and he agreed to be just friends. I told him that means no intimacy and no romantic affection, just friends. Do you think that was the right move? Do you think that by removing intimacy there won't be a possibility to develop strong feelings?

[lisarighteye]

It's what you want, so I'd say that is 100% the right move. Always go with your gut feeling. If you two really like each other, removing anything romantic won't stop those feelings from developing one day. They may take longer to get there, but the both of you will be a lot more invested and there's better chance of having something really special.

[MzAsh]

If it were me, I would definitely not have sex unless he’s agreeing to being a couple. And I would only give him what time, attention, and consideration he’s giving me, and NO more whatsoever.

[Asker]

But would you still kiss and make out?

[MzAsh]

Probably not

[MzAsh]

Sorry, if he doesn’t want a relationship then he doesn’t get the benefits.