Girlfriend doesn't want to exchange Christmas gifts.

[Anonymous]

She says I'm too hard to shop for. She can't think of anything that I want, and doesn't want to get me something that I need, and so she doesn't want us to exchange gifts.

Part of me understands this. I am, indeed, a difficult person to shop for. I really can't even think of something that I'd gift to myself. She, on the other hand, is very easy to shop for. I can think of half a dozen things off the top of my head that she'd like.

And in my own personal opinion, money IS a little tight, and it'd probably be better to spend whatever we'd be spending on each other on our daughter. Neither one of us is a huge fan of the holiday in general, but we do enjoy it vicariously through her.

And so, I agreed. Part of me does think, however, that her reasoning is a bit lame.

Anyway, how would you feel if your SO didn't want to exchange gifts because you're too difficult to shop for? Do you think it's important for couples to exchange gifts on holidays? Is the ability to pick an appropriate gift a measure of how well you know each other? Or does it not really matter to you at all?

[Anonymous]

Dear Anonymous User whose girlfriend does not want to get him a gift,

Bah humbug on her.

So, I can see where she is coming from, when I had to get something for my brother and father when I was younger it was so hard. So very very hard to come up with something for them that it actually really stressed me out. My mother was always EASY, perfume or jewelry.

My father was especially difficult because even if I got him something practical he often didn't want a new one whatever it was, he preferred his old ones.

Buying something practical doesn't feel like a real gift.

GIRLS ARE EASY for the most part.

So, I see the disappointment here, I think it's really about her lacking sentiment and thoughtfulness. Is this part of it? OR you just want a SURPRISE!

I think there is a way you could get past this. My suggestion is find a holiday related even happening in a town near you and go there, as a couple the two of you try to have a romantic night. Maybe get a baby sitter... And it doesn't have to be expensive. Just say "honey, since we aren't going to exchange gifts I though we should go out and see some Christmas lights and go to a restaurant for dessert...or something like that.

I wish somebody would take me out to look at Christmas lights!

I would love that person to death!

What I'm trying to say is maybe you can have a little taste of Christmas magic by watching people iceskate and getting a hot toddy or something. Christmas can be very romantic IF YOU LET IT BE.

Gals do have a hard time picking out gifts for guys mainly because gals have a different concept of what makes a good gift, like we don't think tools or video games or stuff like that is a good gift.

Besides there is too much junk made in China anyways.

[Asker]

"So, I see the disappointment here, I think it's really about her lacking sentiment and thoughtfulness. Is this part of it? OR you just want a SURPRISE!"

Did I convey disappointment? My bad, I'm actually okay with this, I just thought her reasons for it were sort of lame. I'm more amused than anything. I don't mind her not getting me anything, I'd still like to get her something, but I don't want her to feel bad over it.

[Asker]

And while we don't have snow or ice here, we'll definitely go out, pick up some sort of tasty holiday drinks from starbucks, and wander around looking at Christmas lights while the kid's having a sleepover or something. We're pretty good about making time for ourselves.

[RedSmartie]

I'm not difficult to shop for, so if I ever had an SO who didn't want to exchange gifts for that reason, I would know that he's just lazy and would probably be a little angry because he's not telling me the real reason why he doesn't want to exchange gifts. But if for some reason I was difficult to shop for then I would understand.

I don't really think it's important for couples to exchange gifts. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have a psychic connection with each other, though on some level the ability to pick a gift might be a measure of how well you know each other. It depends on how long you've been together and how difficult either of you are. But it's not something that really matters.

[Anonymous]

My father is insanely difficult to shop for, but I'd never DREAM of saying "Let's just not exchange gifts." I know him very well, but he just wants things I can't afford usually. I still find SOMEthing that he'll like; gift certificate, etc.

The point of gift giving is to make someone ELSE happy. If it's not important to those involved, then I guess it shouldn't matter. But honestly, I'd feel strange if someone said that to me. It sounds a bit selfish, "You're hard to shop for, so screw it, I'm done trying to please you."

To each his own :-\

[backspace]

Well my opinion on gifts is that they should be given when the person giving as a good idea what the receiver needs. Pointless gifts are just a waist of money. For example I told my ex that there was nothing I needed at the moment or at least nothing that could be bought so I asked her to not get me anything. And I apply the same rule to other people if I can't think of a good gift to give then the other person has no need for it. Let's be truthful nobody needs another dust gatherer around the house. And I think it's the thought that counts spending quality time with a person is sometimes much more important that any gift.

But on the other hand if somebody has a good idea on what to give another person as a gift that would make them happy well that's great and it doesn't need to be expensive.

Example I had a car a few years back and the steering wheel was ripped on one side and I've been talking about getting it fixed for about a year. My good friend bought me another one for about 20 bucks but it was the funniest gift I had received in years and very useful.

[Anonymous]

I have been trying for the past three years to get my boyfriend to agree to not exchange gifts. My boyfriend IS hard to shop for. And I never want anything so I'm hard to shop for too. I told him I'd much rather go out to dinner and a movie for our Christmas gifts to each other but he said no, he wanted to get me something material so I could remember it or something.

So, since I want to go out to eat, I'm taking him out in addition to getting him a material gift. If she doesn't want to do gifts, don't do gifts.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's just using that an an excuse so it doesn't seem like she's cheap. Some people are really sensitive about being called cheap.

Gifts aren't very important to me, personally. I'd prefer some quality time. Maybe you two could have a Christmas "wish list" of non material things you'd love (a sensual massage, breakfast in bed, an hour of sleeping in while the other gets up with your daughter) and each pick 2-3 to give to each other.

[Asker]

lol, no, it's not because she's "cheap", I know her very well, she's being honest when she tells me she can't think of anything to get me. I vaguely recall suggesting that she wrap herself up in ribbons for me, but I like your wish-list idea too.

[Opinion Owner]

That seems like an odd reason to not get someone a gift, but maybe it makes sense to her. I know my boyfriend really stresses about gifts because his mother is critical.

[Anonymous]

no, not at ll. I don't think its important that you two exchange material gifts, or any gift at all. How about picking a really nice restaurant and going to it? or taking a trip to some little weekend getaway? Or, if it comes doewn to you REALLY just HAVE to exchange something, you could just get each other gift cards?

[Asker]

We just had a little weekend getaway, that's partly why money's tight. It occurs to me that we really do have more fun doing things together than we do giving each other things. Thanks for the insight.