Search Results: having second thoughts

The only reason I am reposting this for others to answer and see and maybe the one who couldn't because I was having so many errors posting it then only half would post.

When I was quitting drugs and my mind was slipping actually gone it was gone after what I had did at my apartment before I came to live with two of my friends instead of being homeless. I regret how I acted there. So much. When I slept I couldn't control my body I would do this groin grinding action like I was having sex with a ghost. I used to wake up and peak around to make sure no one was seeing. One time it was my dear friend that was so kind to me. I was learning how to read and interact again with society that I had separated myself from for years. I wanted to change I wanted to get stronger because I wanted to be more like my two friends especially the one. One night before I left and before I told her I love here I thought people was going to come in with guns so all night I waited with a knife to bring to a gun fight lol. I understand why she told me to get out. I sent here crazy texts because I was crazy my brain and body was healing slowly and I was struggling to get off the drugs. I wanted instead of tearing down the world around me to make it seem that I am good enough and the people in it to build myself up to be a better person. It was all because I had so much love for one person for who she had always been that I changed I gained my sanity back slowly on the streets by myself the first year I managed to quit the drugs. The second year I realized I was a dry addict with out the drugs and had a fraction of the old behavior with out the drugs. So I gave up a job and a apartment and went to the ogden rescue mission to donate a year of my life to helping others while I help myself doing something I would never have done before. I then went and got my cdl and became manager of a family dollar. I know I acted like that crazy stalker I am feel shame for that.