Bad breakup made me hate myself. How do you heal from it?

[Anonymous]

My heart was broken 4 years ago by the only guy I had ever loved. The reason he is the only guy I was ever able to love is because afterwards my guard was up so high that I couldn’t allow another person in enough to feel anything more than disappointment or self doubt if things failed. Part of why a lot of my new attempts failed is because I didn’t feel comfortable having sex anymore. The thing is, my ex was the only man I ever had sex with. Contrary to how it might seem I had a very high sex drive before. I would wear him out because I always wanted more. What nobody now understands is that I put a lot of trust in him-even allowed him to have access to me at times he didn’t deserve it and he completely broke my trust. So it made me feel bad about sex. I felt like the problem was that sex made me attached and it made me desperate-like I had invested too much to back out without getting my heart broken from a failed relationship. So I thought if I could just take enough time to get to know a guy without having sex I could learn to trust him. But unfortunately the longer men go without getting what they want the more they start to act weird-which causes the process of trusting them take longer. Until one day they just pull the plug leaving me feeling grateful that I didn’t have sex with them and avoided the heartbreak accompanied with that. Another thing is I started to hate how forgiving I was. I forgave not just my ex but a lot of people who didn’t deserve it. I had a family member have a psychotic episode and threaten to kill me and vandalize the home I lived in and I forgave him. I had a friend who I loved talk about me like a dog behind my back and ghost me because she was jealous of my looks and I forgave her. I had freeness before who didn’t care about me, I had people who had used me and hurt me, and I always forgave. And when it came to my ex I feel like he was my final straw because I started to hate how forgiving I was. now I dont give second chances

[Pegases]

This is heartbreaking. You're an empath, just inexperienced. You're not going to want to hear this but I'm going to tell you as if you're my little sister. you're still hurting, stay single until youve healed. The reason things aren't working out with new people, is because you're unable to tell the difference between people with genuine hearts and good intentions, verses people that will hurt you again. And that fear of being hurt again, is like trying to drive with a buzz after a night of drinking. You might still be able to drive, but you'll probably be driving scared. You might drive slower, ride the lines more, overcorrect on turns etc. Point is, its nothing in comparison to driving sober, and its the same difference in dating. You might not realize it but men can tell when a woman is preoccupied with past trauma, because you subcommunicate your fear through the things you say and do, as well as how you say and do things. So to anyone paying attention (which by the way are the kinds of guys you want) they're going to be repelled by your fear, because it says to them that you can't be open with them right now. So right now, focus on healing. There's no time limit. What matters is that you do it right, so if you haven't already, seek therapy and just take your time. Your future self will thank you. Best of luck to you.

[Gent207]

Bruh if there was an award I could give for BEST COMMENT ON G@G this would be it 👏🏆😭👏

[Pegases]

@Gent207 I appreciate that. Just glad to help.

[Gent207]

Wow normally I skim through long posts like this but you had my full attention up to the end and I have A. D. D, so that's impressive 🏆. But I digress...

Honestly this post broke my heart💔🥺 and it's not the only one I've come across with the same pattern. So for what it's worth, you are not alone in your trauma. I'd be more than happy to just listen, no advice unless asked and no flirting just straight active listening because I know what it's like to feel alone in life's valleys and to have a seemingly endless line of people ready to compare traumas. But trauma is not a competive sport. So you won't get that from me 😆. If it's okay to ask why did you take break-up?

I hope you have a blessed day.

[Guy13]

At some point one has to risk. I did that after girl thought I married moved to be with me in grad school etc... Did not date for 2.6 years...

[In_Trance]

meet someone else and leave this behind you

[NeffexSelfMade]

you are probably a guy