Things That People Who Do Not Want Kids Get Tired Of Hearing

[ikissedtheskyonce]

I do not want kids. I have been watching my nephews ever since they were babies and I worked with children for over 3 years. I have dealt with children long enough to know that I do not want them.

It is fine to me if others do not want kids but it's not ok to go around trying to convince others that they should have kids. I do not go around convincing adults that they should not have kids, so why would I go around trying to convince adults that they should not have kids. I'm pretty sure people who wants kids would not like that.

Below are a few things that I and maybe others who do not want kids are tired of hearing. No it does not offend me when people say these things but it gets annoying after a while.

1. You will find a guy someday that will make you want to have kids.

Ok I am all for true love but I just do not see myself marrying someone who wants kids.

2. Don't you want someone to carry on your legacy?

There are people who do not have kids who have left a legacy behind.

Also, there is a double standard when it comes to men not wanting kids and women wanting kids: When men do not want kids some people assume that he still wants to sleep around and he will find a young girl to have kids with someday, but when a woman does not want kids some people will tell her that she will regret having kids by the time she is reaches a certain age or she is told she will have a hard time getting married.

Dating is hard to begin with for most people.

3. You will be lonely.

I have talked to some parents who's children do not like them because they neglected them during their childhood. When I volunteered at a nursing home I even talked to some elderly who say their children do not even visit them.

4. Your life does not start until you have kids.

I thought life started when I started as a zygote?

5. You are going to have a lot of money.

Not having a kid does not mean you automatically save a lot of money. It depends on the lifestyle that the person leads. If a person has no job they will not have any money coming in at all. It's as simple as that. I know people who have kids who make a lot of money, that's just the way life is sometimes. Some people manage thir money better than others.

[BlueCoyote]

Interesting thread.
I certainly don't want to attempt to convince you to have kids. I respect your decision and I can see how it can be annoying to have people trying to pressure you into things you don't want.
However, I'm still gonna give you my personal opinion:
First of all, I do have to correct you on the financial aspect. Sure, your lifestyle influences your bank account. That's a commonplace. But there's a truth beyond this statement: no matter what your lifestyle is, having children is very, very costly. Mind you, this is back by scientific data. Unfortunately, I don't have any numbers about the US but in my country Switzerland, a child costs on average half a million Franks (that's about 480,000 USD) from cradle to moving-out. I'm sure it's at least in the margin of 300,000-400,000 USD in America too, especially considering the ridiculously high college fees that some parents help to pay. So if you have three children as is the case in my family, you're already close to 1,5 millions that you have to come up with over the years. Having children doesn't just mean buying stuffed animals for their birthdays and giving them pocket money. The total costs also include much duller expenses such as health insurance, taxes, food, clothes, vacation, rent (if you have children, you obviously need more living space) etc.
You can't just explain away all these costs by saying "some people live humbly, others don't". My parents both earn pretty well. My dad is an IT expert and earns a good six-figure salary. They also live quite humbly I would say. They like to travel but that's the only luxury they allow themselves. Growing up, we practically never ate out and our car was an old, second-hand Japanese brand (yes, in Europe families only have one car ;-)). And yet, my parents have never had any significant savings. We were always fine but we certainly weren't wealthy. There is absolutely no doubt that without children, they could have lived a much more extravagant life and probably would have still been able to save money for rainy days. There's a reason many childless gay couples are so well off.

Secondly, I'm a guy who wants kids very badly. I've also found the perfect lady to have them with. My opinion is this: while I agree with you on many aspects (having children to avoid loneliness is idiotic), I still believe they give you a kind of purpose that nothing else can give you. I wouldn't say "your life starts once you've got kids" but I do believe that

[BlueCoyote]

children make a person's life richer and I also believe that this is something you can only fully understand if you actually have children of your own. I'm not trying to belittle your past experiences with kids but there's still a difference between babysitting another person's children and actually having your own ones. What I find sad about a life without children is the lack of meaning. What are you gonna live for? Your job? Personally, I'm a big family person and making career just to become some slimy rich fucker is about the last thing I'm up for. Of course you might say "I wanna do things like traveling" but then again, there's no reason you can't do that with children. We traveled a lot as I grew up. My personal experience is that people who don't have children become very egocentric at a certain age. They've never experienced what it means to TRULY sacrifice a part of their life and so their life is always just "me me me, fun fun fun". Usually these people end up quite bitter.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

Maybe you misunderstood. I said in mytake that a single person without a job and kids will be broke compared to a a person who is in a relationship with kids who has a job

Unemployed people have less income coming in

[ikissedtheskyonce]

The truth is that there are no guarantees in life. No one is obligated to marry you, love you or give you children. So even if you want kids you are not entitled to have kids with a woman just because you like them. I helped raise my nephews. I'm not just babysitting. I watch them every other day.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

People who do not want kids do not end up bitter. There are plenty of parents who become bitter because they had kids

[ikissedtheskyonce]

I never said that I'm never having kids I said that I do not want kids.

[BlueCoyote]

You seem very defensive although I tried to be very polite. Sure, there might be parents who are bitter despite or because they have kids (I've never met or heard of any and I think it's very rare). However, even if that is the case, my point still stands. Not all but many people who never have children end up bitter because they've never had a real purpose in life. Not a task, a purpose. A fun job might get you out of bed in the morning but children are more than that. They make you pull through incredibly tough situations that otherwise you might not. Also, like I mentioned before, having fun, traveling, going to parties etc. might keep your life full until a certain point but once you're 50 or 60, you've seen all the parties and even the most exciting job has become a little dull after working it for 40 years and all you're left is emptiness. There is something that children give you that nothing else can serve as replacement for. And like I said, many people who've never had

[BlueCoyote]

children also become quite egocentric. I know people like that. They're nice but they've never learned the kind of easy-goingness, humility and sacrifice that children teach you. Because they never had to take responsibility for someone else, they live in a bubble where they think it's self-understanding that their own desires and their own fun etc. always comes first. That's something I find obnoxious.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

I'm not defensive at all. I am simply replying to your long opinion and comments
You type long ass paragraphs

[ikissedtheskyonce]

Maybe you should stop generalizing people who do not want kids

[ikissedtheskyonce]

Do you have kids? And if you do not have kids then what is stopping you from having kids?

[BlueCoyote]

Well, it's a topic that can't be talked about in single words or sentences I live. I mean, we're having a discussion, so sometimes I have to explain what exactly I mean so I won't get misunderstood. I'm disappointed you think I'm generalizing people because that's exactly what I didn't do and the very reason I watched out not to post dumb generalizations partially made my paragraphs long. I've always said "many people become this way". It's clear to me that not everyone becomes this way. However, my point still stands that it's true for a majority of childless people.

No, I do not have children but I would love to have children. I cannot have children because I have a physical disability and reproductive medicine is illegal in my country. My girlfriend and I would have to go to another country but doing that whole procedure is incredibly expensive and we won't have that money for another few years.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

What's stopping you from adoption? It's your opinion that you think it's true, does not make it fact

[BlueCoyote]

I don't want to adopt a child that is not my own. Either I have my own or none at all.

[EmiliaRose2355]

I'm not entirely sure if I do or don't want kids yet? But this was refreshing to read and I enjoyed it. Whether people want children of not, it's important we respect each other's opinions either way :) at the moment? Kids seem like a life ruiner for me.

[JudgmentDay]

@ikissedtheskyonce

For number 1, that's definitely a lie, no absolute guarantees or promises or even anything remotely credible to verify that there is someone that is "right" for everyone, much less guarantees that they would change your attitude, perception on wanting any children of your own. I personally think it's all just hormones doing it's thing because it just has to, otherwise all biological beings would just go extinct since we aren't mass produced like machines in factories.

For number 2, another big lie. Again, no absolute guarantees. You could end up outliving your children, so horrible tragedy can occur to them in your lifetime and if they were your only child that makes it even worse. That whole carrying on somebody's legacy through biological children is very flawed logic to me. It's not so much a solution to any problem. And even then, why? Why must you bring someone into this reality and world when it's clear that they never asked to come here nor can they request to come into existence here in the first place? And what if they absolutely hated the experience or feel so down and depressed about it at some point and may actually even take their own life as a result? Then what comes next? Again, refer back to what I said about tragedy, but hey that kind of shit happens, I've seen it and heard it for myself with my own two eyes. Why place such a burden and responsibility or duty to someone that did not choose to be part of and take on in the first place?

For number 3, well hate to break it to you and everyone else. Loneliness just is part of life and existence. No one truly knows us unless they are us. So deep down I think we are all alone and on our own, at least eventually anyway. Even if you are married or have a significant other, one day and more often than not, one of you will die first and thus leaving the other behind on their own. Even then no guarantees your children will always be there for you by your side on your death bed in your last moments trying to catch any breaths. I feel that unless you die in a cataclysm of some sort like an Earthquake or Tsunami or plane crash, then you are more than likely going to die alone regardless. Sure, it may feel comforting to see loved ones in your final moments or so everyone thinks, but when it's your time to go, no guarantees that you won't be dying alone, regardless. And it's something someone absolutely has no control over, so just enjoy your life instead.

[JudgmentDay]

@ikissedtheskyonce

As for number 4, I never really understood why someone would say that, but if someone "absolutely" wants to be a parent and have children, yea, great, sure that will absolutely apply to them. Be my guest, that's what they want their lives to be about. Good for them, but I'm know for certain that "absolutely" does Not apply for those that absolutely do not want any children of their own, and for whatever reason that may be. I always viewed that my life started because of someone else's choice to create me, and is "Only" because they "could" and "wanted to", and nothing more beyond that. Because they did not reconsider the consequences otherwise and look into it much much deeper on meaning of existence, life, suffering, hardships, and unfortunately, death. Maybe they didn't have that perception like I did or felt like I do about how the bad things are guaranteed and felt that they outweigh many if not all of the good things that come with this reality and world.

[JudgmentDay]

@ikissedtheskyonce

Number 5 is also untrue, and couldn't agree more. The way I always look at it, if I wasn't financially stable to begin with then there is even less point to even have children because I'd set myself and them up for even more hardships and suffering. It would be even MORE selfish and inconsiderate and irresponsible for me to just jump on the fucking bandwagon of just to have kids by a certain age or time in my life just because society, family, and/or friends expects me to. Well I say, fuck all that shit.

And with the way and state of the current economy and our world is, I'd expect more and more economic instability and inequality that I rather save someone the trouble of coming into this reality and have to face when they may not want to face it.

Money isn't the end to all problems but having decent finances and financial stability and/or security will be important for a long term solution, if someone were to choose to raise a family of their own, etc.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

Lmao why are you trying to disprove things that I said that I do not agree with? That makes no sense at all

[JudgmentDay]

If you re-read them I was actually trying to re-inforce and back up and support those statements you had already made.

[KRIEL55]

nice. i love this take. i dont want to have kids either, but everyone keeps thinking im joking! like that i haven't thought it through, that im just saying that because i haven't found "the one" yet but why would i automatically want to have a kid just because i found someone i want to spend my life with? kids shouldn't be necessary. i have 2 cousins who im helping raise, and i babysit 3 other cousins, and i love them but they are enough for me. i can not imagine having a kid around 24/7. it would be the biggest struggle, and not only that but i'd also have to carry it in my stomach for almost a year and then push it out. just doing the most. and then take care of them for like 18 years. nope nope nope. no thank you. i feel like my points are reasonable, yet whenever i bring this up to anyone, they think im just kidding myself and that i'll change my mind. why would i. if i wanted to have kids, i'd have them by now (its like a family thing, for some reason everyone has kids around my age in my family, but not me.)

[dragonfly6516]

33, never wanted kids, still don't want kids, and I know rationally, logically that I shouldn't ever have them.. I have a personality disorder that is both genetic and "environmentally inflicted" upon those under care of one who has it. I also have either ADD or mild Aspergers, and a neurological condition that has rendered me truly nocturnal, and incapable of sleeping at night. The only reason I've held my same job for 13 years is because my father was the owner. While I can function as a competent adult, I'll never be able to fully take care of myself.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

You are doing better than me at least

[funny_strange_man]

@dragonfly6516 Do not even use ADD and Aspergers as a reason not to have kids. I know people with both thst have kids. I have ADHD and Aspergers but do not want kids. Those I do not use as reasons I do not want kids

[dragonfly6516]

@funny_strange_man If you actually read my full comment you would see that my reason is my personality disorder. The ADD or Aspergers, which ever it maybe , only add further complications to my PD.

I have several friends with ADD and ADHD who would make amazing parents.

I have three friends with Aspergers, 2 of them will need a custodial guardian for the rest of their lives. The third was never told that he had Aspergers, and was not allowed by his parents to be given any special treatment in school. He is now a professor at Southern Poly Tech.

[funny_strange_man]

@dragonfly6516 I totally understand what you have said. I know people with personality disorder. I understand why you can not have kids.

[WhiteSteve]

I asked a question like this a couple years ago, pretty much sums up my thoughts...
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1088362-do-you-think-it-s-rude-asking-people-about-plans-for

[funny_strange_man]

I agree with you? People told when I was in my early 20s that I would change my mind. I am 32 and still do not want kids. I helped raise my niece and nephew for years but kids are not for me even though I love kids. It is my life and my choice get over it I tell people.

[freedomz]

Its great that you recognize the right reason to not have kids. You have my utter most respect. It's something that a lot of people fail to understand. I have a few friends in the same position as you, they know they don't want kids but I am sure they will figure out the right reason :)

Great take!

[shessoheavy]

I could not agree more, I am asexual too so there is zero chance that I will have a kid. Huge double standard, say you don't want kids they say you will eventually. Say you want kids they say great. Smh!

[fueledbythc]

Next time my parents ask for grandkids I'm gonna say " I'll father a child but only if you raise and support the kid". Ever since a child, I was adamant on not being a father and not getting married. I don't think my stance on this will change.

[Pinkbeauty]

nice take i don't want kids when ever I would say that i would get laughed at and a random guy on PlayStation network on the PS3 would try to convince me and tell me to have kids when Iv said no to him and told him I didn't want kids

[takumii]

Your life, do whatever you want. No one gives a flying fuck.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

You do apparently

[Walls_and_Doors]

I do think your life doesn't start until you have kids. It's a real eye-opener.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

Ok that's your opinion

[Walls_and_Doors]

Hence the "I don't think".

[ikissedtheskyonce]

In your opinion you said you do think

[Walls_and_Doors]

... Yes, we've covered this.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

Well you made a typo in your opinion. I'm just covering it for you :)

[Walls_and_Doors]

I know. I also knew you could figure that out on your own. I wish predictive services worked better on tablets.

Now that's a fascinating topic.

[ClariceOwen23]

You just described all of my thoughts

[abundantlyrich]

So idealistic and quickly planned out...