Dating as we know it has changed in the modern world, especially in a world where dating sites/apps, social media, and smartphones are very prevalent.
It seems like getting dates, hookups, and flings are easy but the most challenging part is actually finding a serious relationship. Having said that, while getting dates and hookups is better than nothing, they are only fun while they last and the process can be tiring when you feel like you're constantly starting fresh and the cycle continues where you date someone till it ends, whether you end it or the other party does.
Here are some things I've been told that I get tired of hearing when having my issues with dating or getting screwed over by someone I truly liked.
1. "There's plenty of fish in the sea."
While this is true, what good is it if the results end up the same way. I mean I take accountability for my actions and don't blame the entire gender for bad experiences, but the worst part is when you keep trying and don't know what's causing you to consistently fail. I try to keep my options open as well until there's exclusive talk but generally it doesn't even get to that point.
2. "Love happens when you least expect it."
That also may be true but there's no set timeline for these experiences as everyone goes through life differently. Even at times when we find someone that we feel are a match and then it ends abruptly, there's no guarantee of finding someone else shortly afterwards or whenever for that matter. Also, dry spells happen. It has seemed that when one's interested, many are, but no one is, no one is. It also gets confusing because were supposed to be putting in effort and making the move, but if it doesn't work out, were supposed to just sit back and wait for someone to come into our life? I mean for other people that actively look and find someone, they should be cheered while those of us who struggle should just stop?
3. "You're too picky."
I'm not the pickiest person out there, but I also have standards. There is no such thing as a perfect woman or man for that matter, but the person has to be at least somewhat physically attractive, have a good personality, and some things in common. If they are completely lacking in one of these departments then it won't work out. I've had dates where the girl is really cute but we don't click or have nothing in common as well as times where the girl has things in common and a good personality but I have no physical attraction and I can't force it. I've tried settling before and I just felt desperate. It's also a waste of time.
4. "You'll find somebody."
This kinda builds off number 2 but while this sounds like encouraging and helpful, you don't know when it'll happen. When I got rebounded and told people some people about how messed up the situation was, they'd say move on you'll find someone at a concert or whatever hobby you have. It just doesn't work like that and kinda gives false hope.
Having said that. This isn't to blame an entire gender for our issues, whether it be girls or guys. That mentality doesn't help anyone. It can just be frustrating when you put effort in and have nothing to show for it especially when it all ends up the same way.
While these phrases seem like sound advice and encouraging, the main problem is they don't exactly help and most of the time we don't know what we're doing on our end that could be causing our struggles. It could be due to the other person, but it could also be due to ourselves as well and how do we know what to improve on if no one tells us what we're doing wrong?