The Real Reason I Am Saving Myself For Marriage... (Not Culture or Religion)

[Anonymous]

I am 21 year old Indian woman living in India. I have been raised in a culture that values a woman's "purity" to the point where you get judged for even kissing a guy in public. Even the most "progressive" people I have met until now are pretty close minded by my standards. Tbh even most people who live in progressive countries will be close minded by my standards. I have no culture or religious obligations tbh.

I am an atheist and have always detested the way people treat others based on what THEY believe. I have seen women being beaten and locked up for loving a guy in conservative areas while I have seen people judge girls for having sex with their fiancé just because they did it before they are married. So there are a few reasons I have in mind because of which I am saving myself for marriage and no, culture and religion aren't one of them.

Mainly, I don't want to be treated as "fun." I am pretty to the point where people stare and I have impressed a lot of people with my intellect (not to be conceited). When it comes to guys though, it becomes a problem. If I date guys who are Indian (mentioned the race just cause its relevant) and have a sex life before marriage, then 99% of them will only treat me as a pleasure or a slut cause I am too progressive for the guys who are conservative and want their future wife to be a virgin and live with his parents to serve them (I dress in Western outfits but pretty modestly and watch western TV shows) and too "middle class" for the "progressive" dudes (cause I don't drink or get high on weed everyday just to prove being "cool").

On the other hand, if I date guys who are white/black, I will be nothing more than an exotic fuck (I know guys who are Indian and otherwise who have been in long term relationships with people of other races just to treat them as something exotic and then marry within their race). I am a pretty good judge of character but I know how manipulative guys can be. So not taking any risks.

Speaking of race, I find both dark and light skinned guys incredibly attractive so it doesn't matter as long as the guy is somewhat cute with a good personality. So finding the right guy is not going to not involve sex.

[Salsacumbia]

I admire you. You have the mind that every young woman should have, and yes being respected and thought of a real person than being treated like i am a sex idol is not what as a person i want to be treated as. I have some friends that saved their virginity until marriage, and it has worked for them incredibly wonderful for them!! And for some it works for some it doesn't. But life is life, whatever you decide for you, should be your happiness, your choice, your life, and if anyone does not agree thats them but you know what you want, and thats to be respected as a woman with a kind soul that would make you happy for you. Very proud of you! And hope you find the man you are looking for! 🙂

[Salsacumbia]

Thanks for the MHO! Nice

[Schrodingerscat]

Indian girl here.
Ever tried Tinder or Hinge? If you weed out creepers, you can actually find open minded desi guys there, yknow?

My boyfriend is very liberal about things.

If you set out a bar for dating people of same thinking as you, it won't happen that you're open minded and other guy is conservative. Why date anyone who doesn't agree with your values?

Most girls wear Western outfits here (in metro city at least) and watch Western shows? Guys too.

If you're saving yourself for marriage for personal reasons, that's okay, but generalizations about Indians and others are not.

[Q-tip-boy]

Yeah bcoz indians are foolish, they never understand what they have.
Westernization is mistakened for modernization. Rubbish.

I blame bollywood for increasing westernization in india.

Wearing western clothes occasioally is fine but wearing them on daily basis is crap. Everyone should develop their own style out of their "way of living" and not by adopting someone's way of living.

Pehle ke log apne aap ko situations ke husaab se

[Q-tip-boy]

I was saying that earlier people used to adjust theirselves but today, we rarely find "modern girls/boys" adjusting themselves to situations

The situation is gettibg worse

[CuChullan]

If you didn't sound so superior the take would have been better. How you are going to meet anyone who fits your criteria is not going to be easy. Indian men, from what i know of them, i worked with a few in London, seen how they operate on various social media sites, see them in action here, and read about the way women are treated as no more than fuck holes in India, your choice is very limited.
Indian women i would be a big fan of. Good looking, clever, interesting, treat them with respect and they open up to you.
Maybe you're not, but from what you wrote you come across as judgmental and very full of yourself.
Not good at all.

[myTake Owner]

What was judgmental can you explain?

[CuChullan]

From the point of view that you can only see positivity in yourself and everyone else is subject to negative judgement to justify you refraining from sex.

[myTake Owner]

Yep I get how that would make me sound. It's just I can be a little bit frustrated because I haven't really fit in anywhere because living in a Conservative culture makes it difficult to actually been seen as a human as opposed to someone who just cooks and cleans. I have noticed men including the ones close to me treating women as a sub human. They tend to treat women of other races as that too. That being said I have heard enough horror stories from Indian women who date white or black men and how they are treated as someone exotic so I think it's a safe bet to just refrain from sex altogether.

[CuChullan]

Yep, i can see what you wrote can be borne from frustration. And given your circumstance, you have justification. But things aren't as negative as they seem. Just like women are not all the same, men equally are not all the same. There's good and bad on both sides.
The best any of us can do is make the best choice we can. And to make that choice finding out people date, gaining experience of others, see who might make a potential long term partner helps most people choose. Sometimes we get it wrong, very often we get it right. It's a bit of a lottery. There's no guarantees in life.
Going out dating doesn't mean you have to give in to sex, but you can still have some fun. That alone will help you see real character in who you date.
I wish you luck, and hope you do manage to kiss the right frog!!

[myTake Owner]

Thanks😊

[myTake Owner]

Helped a lot.

[CuChullan]

You're very welcome!!!

[OlderAndWiser]

"If I date guys who are white/black, I will be nothing more than an exotic fuck." If you are as intelligent as you claim, then you should understand that such gross overgeneralizations should be left to those with less intelligence.

[BluemidnightMoon]

Burnnnn lol

[GreatnessBack]

Damn... she going to need some ointment for that.

[BonnieBunny]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpj6Nuc1SI4

[myTake Owner]

I have seen most guys treat girls of other races as exotic fucks. There is no way to tell whether a guy is just using you cause guys can be manipulative.

[myTake Owner]

Try and put yourself in others shoes for once.

[loveslongnails]

@BluemidnightMoon Exactly. Doesn't she realize she wouldn't be "an exotic fuck" if she doesn't fuck them? LOL

[myTake Owner]

@loveslongnails that's kind of my point

[myTake Owner]

@loveslongnails 😊

[OlderAndWiser]

I said something that is not supportive of you so you retaliate by accusing me of lacking empathy. That is not what a truly intelligent person would do in these circumstances.

[loveslongnails]

Actually, you are missing the point. You claim "culture and religion" have no bearing on your choice to remain a virgin, but race does? You transpose your knowledge of (an unstated sampling) of Indian men who were in l/t relationships with non-Indian women yet treated them "just as exotic fucks", into an incorrect assumption that dating white or black men will make you the same? The two are unrelated. That's called a straw man argument, and it is completely fallacious !! It also presumes that by dating non white/black men, you couldn't be considered an exotic fuck, potentially? Well, if the guy is from India too, you're right, you wouldn't be "exotic" !! So what you're REALLY saying is... only a man of your own race and general location could possibly be suitable for you because you wouldn't be considered "exotic"? Hmm... Aristotle is rolling over in his tomb.

[myTake Owner]

@loveslongnails honestly, a guy who respects me for who I am would be suitable but a lot of guys care more about race than personality. That's just how people are.

[myTake Owner]

@loveslongnails and yes most guys do treat a girl who is of another race as an exotic fuck.

[loveslongnails]

Well since you've never been fucked, how do you know? You keep saying "most guys". How MANY guys have you spoken to about this specific subject? What's the number of your random sample? Like I said, it's fine to save yourself. Do what you want. Just know that you're spouting off your opinions AS IF they are facts, but they are based on very little information. Phrases like "most guys" and "most people", without research, translates into " a few guys I know or know of or heard about". You are presenting, and defending, illusion-based rationale which could be construed as racist, and your detractors on her aren't buying it. Anyway, good luck.

[AngelicEmpress]

OUCH.

[loveslongnails]

*** typo... your detractors on HERE aren't buying it.

[loveslongnails]

@AngelicEmpress :) thanks, it was supposed to be a little painful !!

[AngelicEmpress]

@loveslongnails I was talking to @OlderAndWiser not you.

[OlderAndWiser]

@AngelicEmpress . . . and I understood that you were talking to me.

[bailey11]

One way is to let him know you don't go "all the way". That way, if he's hanging out with you because he's hoping to "get into your pants", he'll (hopefully) move on to someone else. If he really cares about you, he'll stick around.

[bailey11]

Then you're better off without those judgmental individuals in your life. ;)

[Unit1]

That hit hard. Shots were fired! Boom

[curiousnorway]

I also thinks saving yourself for marriage is a good idea. That also hasn't very much with culture and religion to do - since I started believing this when I used to be an atheist and my culture is way too liberal around this, so my beliefs are very independent from the mainstream.

I think the advantages with waiting with sex before marriage is:

1. If you plans getting children, it's more likely they would get a stable and nice childhood if they've two parents that loves each others and lives together. Having parents outside a relationship may be both confusing and unstable. In my country it would be mostly emotionally/psychologically, but in some countries it would also be it economically.

2. Sex is something special and it may get even more enjoyable if it's with someone you loves and you think deserves it. To find out who loves you and building a relationship takes time. So getting to know each other first and then marry after some years sounds nice. If you've sex with multiple people and if it's people outside a relationship (e. g. one night stand) - sex may lose it's special feeling. It won't be the same anymore. Our human bodies are vulnerable, private and our own property. Lying around can affect some of us psychologically.

3. When you're married, it's less likely to get STD and accidentally pregnancy is way easier to deal with. If you and your partner commits to each other and none of you've STD - it's not possible to get affected. It's easier with accidentally children when married and if you gets along well, since your economy and structure would be more stable. That would make you more likely to accept changes and not worry that much of the future if you choose to keep the children instead of adopting them away.

I don't plan having any children now. But if I wants children, I wouldn't get any before marriage because of the stability. I wouldn't have "normal" sex before me being ready for children and marriage either. Before that I would tone it down. But I would be fine with kissing before marriage though if I gets a partner.

[JimRSmith]

You've got self respect, nothing wrong with that, and nothing anybody should demand that you justify.

I think this was a really useful take, because a lot of people here will gain an important insight into some of the mentalities which prevail in India, and many other countries besides, from it.

[YourFutureEx]

I see your point. If I were a girl, I'd have faced the same problem. I'm guessing that you didn't mean that ALL of the guys will use you for sex, but you prefer being cautious. I don't think you deserved all the negativity you are getting here, but people are going to get triggered for one reason or another. Next time, instead of using words like "99%", better use "most" or "a lot", so that it doesn't feel like you're generalising.

But if you really meant it, then no. It's so bad to call each and every guy a player you know? I must say a lot of guys really treat the girls well. It's a ridiculous insult to call us close-minded (or using you just because you are exotic). Not very wise words from a self proclaimed open-minded intellect.

Let me clarify you that the path you chose isn't foolproof. What if the only person you trusted on turned out to be the wrong guy or not so "fun"? That's the reason I decided to lose my virginity. I cannot bid my sexual life on a single person. It would be like tossing a coin. I also value my virginity, but I realised that it'd be a far better decision to try several girls and then settle with the one who was really fun. (Not ditching her as I got the "fun" I wanted, I'd rather like it everlasting)

[Q-tip-boy]

Pata nahi log white/black ke bare ne sochte hi kyu hai

Everyone is beautiful in their own different way

And you're wrong! People dont judge by "purity"

*getting judged for kissing in public*

Private things need privacy. you're not being judged for purity. you're getting judged for doing it in front of everyone.

And , really? you're not judged for being purity for having sex befor marriage.

In india, You'll not get judged for having sex before marriage if you're financially independent

You'll get judged for having sex before marriage only if you're not financially independent. People get judged for having sex before marriage onlywhen jab sex karbe wale dono log ek duusre aapni jimmedariyo ko nahi sanajhte, when you dont act responsible for each other if something happens to them

Aur sahi baat toh ye hai ki pyar karna hai toh chup ke choro ki tarah , ma-baap ke peeth peech karne se accha , sab ke saamne karo. Sabko bata kar karo ki nahi, mai us insaan se pyar karta/karti hu.

Mainly, shaadi hone tak ladka aur ladki dono ki jimmedari unke parents par hoti hai. Agar unka accident hota hai , toh hospital ke jana, daily hospital ne khana le jana, hospital ja kharcha etc ki jimmedari parents nibhate hai

Pwr shaadi hone ke baad ladka aur ladki ek dusre ke prati jimmedariya nibhate hai

Normally, people (boy or girl) won't care for their partner's (gf or bf's) health , need for food etc
Even if they care, they won't actually act upon it.
Aisi situations hone ke karan marriage ko jyada importance diya jata hai. Kyuki marriage ke baad hi ladka aur ladki dono apni jimnedariya uthhate hai.

Thoda aur socho, tab samajh me aaayega ki marriage tak rukna ku jaroori hota hai.

[Q-tip-boy]

P s. I am a virgin. I am saving it till marriage and i would prefer a virgin

[Q-tip-boy]

Why do you even care about race?

Dekho, thoda socho..

Parents will get angry if you marry a person from another race. why?

Because parents have always wanted their child to embrace their culture and if you're marrying someone from other race, there's a possibility that you would leave your culture and embrace your partner's culture, which is something that your parents hate.

So, that's the main reason for their anger and it's justified.

Race ki baat koh jaaye, toh , there's just lot of things that needs explaination

[CherryRoseChampange]

Maybe in your country or something that's how they'd treat you, so I'd understand then. But as far as most people, it's perfectly fine to sleep with someone you've been in a relationship with for a while. It's okay to do that, that's not slut behavior. You don't have to put a lock on yourself to not be considered fun or a slut generally.

Just be selective and picky with the men you decided to give your time to and you'll be fine. Even if you like casual sex or sleeping with men early on, it doesn't make you a slut it just puts you at more risks honestly. A so-called slut would someone who recklessly slept with any and anybody just for the hell of it.

[JustAGuyInBlue]

You say that you’re open-minded, but it seems like you don’t think that any guy would have a relationship with you other than for sex.

When you say you don’t want to be treated as “fun”, what do you mean specifically? You want people to think you are just serious or do you mean you don’t want people to think you can be taken advantage of?

Sounds like you haven’t met the right guy who is intelligent and respectful to give you some faith in mankind (emphasis on the “man” part). That makes a lot of sense that you wouldn’t want to have sex before marriage, because presumably when you get married it will be with that right man. I wish you all the best!

[SirRexington]

I definitely respect and admire your belief that sex is less important than being happy and that the two are not directly correlated.

I'm rather "conservative" when it comes to sex nowadays because I hate Americas obsession with "free love" and sexual empowerment. There is nothing empowering about fucking anyone you want without restraint. I'd rather she be respectful to herself and choose wisely who she gives the honor of sleeping with her. No religious influence either, I'm very anti-religion. I just prefer modesty.

[Logorithim]

If you've found what works for you and you're comfortable with it great. I do have a problem with this idea that all non-Indians just see you as an exotic trophy for sex. I*m sure there are plenty of guys who would be interested in you as a girlfriend, albeit less if they can't have sex with you before marriage.

[scooogy]

In my opinion that's the best reason to do so nowadays. My former college crush turned out to be a "whore" (at least this is what others said) because she kept on searching for new sex partners every few months. I'm just happy that she didn't get to win me over (I wasn't sure about her intentions, so I stepped back). Well and today I can't say I'd be interested in her ever again, as long as she wouldn't prove that she'd have changed, by maybe having a relationship at least as long as her "best friend" (Until today I can't understand how she could ever bear being her friend).

To be fair here, I haven't had a "real" relationship myself yet, because since the first (and so far the worst) relationship I ever had, I choose my potential partners wisely, which so far resulted in no girlfriend for me. But well, maybe one day...

[Anonymous]

I mean, you do you, but tbh I wouldn't marry someone I haven't slept with.

I understand you don't want to be treated like an exotic pet by other races, but if you forced them to wait like 3-6 months of dating before sleeping with you, you would hardly be an exotic toy right?
It sucks that indian men expect their women to be virgins. That's kinda stupid.

[SirRexington]

And people need to understand that just because we don't think we should wait til marriage, that doesn't mean we support casual sex.

[bamesjond0069]

I think saving yourself for marriage is great. These same mindset is what men all over the world have. People wonder why marriage in america is dying and many people don't get married and such. Personally I believe its because men just know they don't want to commit to a slut and so they don't. I certainly don't, I would never marry a non virgin but a not slutty but still non virgin I would date seriously but marriage would be completely off the table, lifelong cohabitation only.

[myTake Owner]

That's hypocrisy. You have had sex but you want a virgin?

[bamesjond0069]

Men and women are different. Don't expect to date someone taller than you, hypocrisy. Don't expect to date someone more successful than you, hypocrisy. Don't expect to date someone who will go fight an intruder in the night for you, hypocrisy. You better be just as tall as your man and make just as much money and be just as willing to go fight an intruder in the dark.

[myTake Owner]

Actually (besides the earning part) these are biological differences between men and women. Men prefer women to be shorter than them. You could also argue that men want women to have breasts, long hair and a vagina when they themselves don't have it. Most of the times men get insecure when women are more successful than them and earn more that's why women are told to "dumb it down" for men. Sex has got nothing to do with it. If you are a man who has slept around and expect a woman who's a virgin then you are a sexist pig.

[bamesjond0069]

So you can want something different than what you offer with any feature or quality except sexual experience? Please explain why sexual experience is different than every other quality you could judge a person on? Protecting someone is not a biological difference. If you wouldn't go face to face with a an intruder in the dark you better not criticize a man who hides in the closet because that is all you should be allowed to expect. :P You just want your cake and eat it too, plain and simple.

"Men prefer women to be shorter than them. You could also argue that men want women to have breasts, long hair and a vagina when they themselves don't have it." ... Men also prefer virgins even if they themselves are not one.

[bamesjond0069]

Men prefer to be stronger, earn more, be better in every way so we can trade in those "extra points" to get a more virginal woman. Not so we can take care of someone who can't cut it compared to us.

[loveslongnails]

To quote Tommy Lee Jones from "The Fugitive" ... "I don't care!" *sigh* I just don't understand why women feel the need to explain on THIS format, "why" they want to, or don't want to, remain virgins until marriage? I mean really, unless you're talking to potential suitors, who cares?

[Anonymous]

No need to justify yourself, its perfectly fine, the most quality women always save themselves for marriage, religious or not. And no intelligent guy anywhere in the world would ever marry a slut. So you go girl! And ignore these retards here, this website is full of whores.

[myTake Owner]

Um women who have sex aren't sluts like wtf? Have you had it

[myTake Owner]

What is wrong with you

[Opinion Owner]

There is no way to tell whether there was 1 or 10 000 guys. There is only a way to tell there were 0.

[myTake Owner]

What about guys? Should they stay virgins too?

[Opinion Owner]

No. Because unlike virgin girls, all virgin guys are bad in bed. A guy can learn to satisfy a woman through experience only

[myTake Owner]

Not true. You are just making reasons for your hypocrisy. Bye

[Opinion Owner]

It is true, but believe what you want

[bubble_tea]

"Tbh even most people who live in progressive countries will be close minded by my standards."
Mind to tell what are your standards are?

[Anonymous]

And what if u "saved" urself for marrige and bam! U not compatable in sex... or he is a fetishist or he loves to do somes uu dont...
Then divorce... and u r "used" already... what will u do.. go live to church?

Whats the meaning of "saving" urself before marrige...
While u can just dont sleep around and sleep with a parthner until u know him well. but "saving" before marrige.. lool

[stormbreaker06]

Good. we already have too many slut already in this world. You know what that means? more sluts means more obnoxious children that become violent humans.

Keep your legs closed ladies and make sure he is the one.

and guys stop being whores.

[DinaM]

You don't have to justify your decision not to want sex before marriage, really. It's your decision and nobody else's. ^_^

[Outdoorwanderer]

Well from the looks of things you'd be a gud fit for me :) .. and i know plenty of guys just like me.

Maybe you should just hang out with the young crowd and stop listening to old people with their ancient mindsets.

[--Vi--]

I'm sorry you have not found a nonjudgemental religion.

[monkeynutts]

You should just do what feels like right, in Australia if anyone beat a woman or treated her bad for dating before marriage, they are the ones that will cop it hard.