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Alright, everyone, I’m gonna have to break out the piano and play “Lifting Dreams” for this one. Just kidding. Although I write this as a Take it is something I’ve always done in real life and decided to share it here. So what do I mean when I say learn to stand on your own? I mean learn to be your own person, think for yourself, and forget about others’ approval. Is this hard for most people? I would say it probably is, especially for young people.
A little bit about me
Growing up, I was one of those kids who “never fit in” in school or the neighborhood. I was just different and I looked different. Few kids really wanted to be my friend, and the ones who did would fade away because they had moved to another area or state, or their parents didn’t really want them hanging around other kids. I tended to befriend the ones who were either like me, or I could just sense that they had a good heart, and most of these were also outcasts.
Public school teaches you about people and group-think early on in your life, and I got a very well-rounded education by observing it. Even as a kid I have never been a follower, I didn’t subscribe to group-think, and I didn’t ever think someone was bad or not worth talking to just because no one else did. I always had my own opinions and curiosity, and if I ever did something or wanted to talk to somebody it was because I wanted to, not because the cliques thought you should or shouldn’t.
I do me
Fast forward to adult life and I am still the same. I always stand on my own and don’t care who doesn’t like it, agree with it, or find it favorable. In fact many people have actually been jealous of me throughout my life because of this. Because deep down they probably wish they had the courage and freedom to not be a follower, but their fear of scrutiny and isolation from their peers will always keep them in chains. People have also often mistaken me for being arrogant for standing outside of the group. I’m not. I simply choose to do my own thing. I don’t like following crowds and group-think. Most of it is messed up anyway.
So instead, people watch me openly talk to the quiet outcasts, autistic people, disabled people, or unattractive folks like normal human beings, like I do with anyone else. But then ironically, some of the followers will then start talking to them too just because they saw that I do, even though they didn’t care before. I guess they think if someone else acknowledges the outcasts then it must be “cool” or something. Nah. I’m doing it because they’re humans just like everyone else. There’s no fad about it.
I think for myself and don’t care about the approval of others. In fact I admit that I’ve never exactly understood why getting other people’s approval really matters. Because the same people who will only respect you if you do and think what their group does are also the same ones who wouldn’t give a shit about you when you’re at your lowest in life. Why are we living for others to think of us as cool or tops? Why are we spending money trying to appear like something that people will superficially respect or glorify? And then as soon as the cool image fades and you’re down on your luck, no one is around.
You gain a wealth of knowledge
Being an outcast and unpopular in my life has taught me way more about people than most people will really learn, and I value this experience a lot. When you are outside of the group, you see all of the things no one else does. I observe social behavior everywhere I go: in the grocery store, the train, the gym, at work, and social gatherings. I pay attention to body language, facial demeanor, and actions. These are all far more important than words.
Here are some secrets that I tell very few people: pay attention to social behavior in a room, because people will show you who they really are more than any other time. Sometimes they will behave differently with you in front of others as opposed to being alone with you. They like you in private, but they also know you’re either hated or unpopular with everyone else, so in a group they will act differently with you because they’re worried that the others will look down on them for mingling with you. They’re showing you exactly who they are: folks who care more about what the crowd thinks than thinking for themselves.
Another one? The way a person drives tells you a lot about them, believe it or not. And the way a person moves their cart in the store tells you a lot about how they drive. Even the way a person is with you and others in a store or other public place tells you a lot about their level of respect and consideration towards others.
Learn to stand on your own
Even here on GaG and other social media platforms, I apply the same principle. I do me and I don’t care whether anyone likes, follows, or unfollows. On Instagram and TikTok I don’t have hundreds of followers, in fact 90% of my followers are also people I follow back, and that’s largely how I want it. On Quora? I have hundreds of followers, but I follow no one. If I don’t know you and we haven’t really spoken before, then I’m typically not going to follow you back. It’s not personal, I’m just not about adding people to look popular and whatnot.
It’s important to be true to yourself, it’s important to be real. I keep my circles small and I’m not interested in being a star everyone will love. If that happens, that’s great, but it’s not needed. Even here on GaG I have been both hated and loved over the years, and either way I am not shaken from being real and talking real talk. I see all the popularity bullshit on here - especially from the young girls name dropping their friends or whatever, wanting to seem cool that they follow people others think highly of, but none of that stuff really matters. What does is: who are you? Are you impacting people in a major way? Are you giving anything to the world that others can find value or knowledge in, or help them? Are you keeping it real or are you just playing Mickey Mouse to get a cool image? Fuck that stuff. Be real, be human. Forget about group approval. Don’t live your life like all those unemployed social media celebutantes who don’t talk to anybody, they just want you to follow them.
There is beauty and strength in standing on your own. It makes you an individual. You know how to think for yourself and not let others do it for you. Humans naturally are followers and group-thinkers, but that doesn’t mean it’s right, it means it needs to be corrected in your life. Hopefully this Take gave you something to think about and inspires you in an important way.
Take care
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