Overcoming Ugly Duckling Syndrome?

[Thedreamingtree]

For more than half my life I was chubby and I was teased mercilessly when I was younger. I was told I was ugly, fat, that I would die alone, and so on. It got so back that I was physically harassed for how I looked, I was tripped, shoved, locked in the bathroom, had nasty notes thrown at me. Here I am now, 23 and 40 pounds lighter and even though I'm not bullied anymore and I'm technically considered thin (I'm 5'8" and about 125 weight wise) I can't help bust constantly feel unattractive when I go out with my friends and see the other girls. I just want to finally feel pretty and I can't. I just want to know how any other former ugly ducklings over came or have felt better about themselves or even any advice from people who exude confidence. Because even if you don't always feel confident it's good to know how to act like you are and I'm just horrible at it. I can't help but still see myself as the chubby girl at the bar or wherever that just isn't good enough.

[Willow4]

I don't think you could ever have been an ugly ducking, I think you look absolutely beautiful :) I was bullied at school for a lot of the same reasons and it really does affect your ability to function out in the real world where people's confidence is high and has outstripped your own. It's very much starting all over again with a new you. Maybe sit yourself down and think of 5-10 things you like about yourself, physically and personality wise. Keep reminding yourself of them. If you keep telling yourself about the good qualities you like you'll learn to no longer care about what others think or say and you'll also be more confident when you're out. You might think someone else looks nice or is very confident but you can say to yourself that you always have positive attributes that are just as worthy. It will reinforce your sense of self worth and value.
I know this may sound silly but it's something my mum did in her 20s when she had been bullied at school. She went on an assertiveness course. They basically show you how to gain some confidence, by how you address people, speak and hold conversation, set boundaries, even how you walk and hold yourself with people. It will help you gain confidence and also help you protect yourself from ever being bullied or feeling victimized by other people.
I hope you can start to see the good things about yourself, I'm sure if you ask those around you they will only have positive things to say. You look so so pretty! I'm not just saying that :)

[Texug0]

Same situation when I was at school. I just got to the point of no caring anymore and if anyone wants me they have to accept who I am and how I look. You don't want to live a lie for your whole life and pretend to be something you're not. Once you are yourself that's when you gain the confidence you want. I'm not saying to love yourself but self but just accept how you are and work with it. Hope that helped some what.

[ami04]

Eye contact is key for confidence. I wad the same way in school, fast and teased. I just started making myself smile and holding eye contact with strangers. I am who I am and either they like me or they don't :-)

[Longshot]

First, if that is you in the picture, you have little to worry. Last time I counted, there are a billion women on the planet who wish they looked that good. There are 2 or 3 things you can do. First always dress well and wear a little make-up. Second, do some exercises which will make you feel good about yourself. Third, you can always talk to a counselor or a therapist. I went through some of the same things but not quite as severe. Eventually had to lose 45 pounds, walk several (4) miles 5 days a week and I am self-confident. I would describe myself as average looking, but I think women see me in a different light because of these changes. I believe looking and being fit and having some self esteem makes you look better to everyone else.

[Shaggy5150]

Feel confident in what you feel best about yourself to start with. No matter what it is. Build on that. Feeling good about your physical self is tough, I know. Just take care of yourself and be the best you for you. If you spend your life trying to be someone else or hold up to another's ideal, you will forever be unhappy. Be you. Be a happy you. Live for making you happy. Find something on you physically that you like.
You have to let go of the power people HAD over you. They aren't around anymore. We all go through challenges. Feel good about improving yourself. Not for them, but for you. You did what you wanted to do with your improvements.
Your inner happiness will show through. Don't let the occassional jerk change you.

[TheBiggestDreamer]

Well, young people can be very insensitive. As a guy who prefers chubbier women I can confidently say that there was nothing wrong with you to begin with but, people enjoy teasing people who don't conform to the norm.

You had the strength to change and do something that you thought would improve your life. That makes you stronger than most - people who choose to complain and never solve their problems. That strength is admirable.

You're not ugly and you never were. What you must realise is that most guys go for girls who they think are easy and aren't a challenge to bed. Your strength puts men off because they know it will take more to impress you. Don't worry about them because these men aren't the men you want, they are the same men who would have teased you as boys.

Just believe me when I say that you're pretty inside and out and you have nothing to worry about.

[ElHenaut]

Looking at your pic you are a very pretty girl especially not you are at a good weight. To act confident, you have to ignore guys first. Like when they are looking at you across the bar, or checking you out, pretend not to notice. Let them come to you, and then start the conversation.

I am a good looking guy who grew up thinking he was ugly. It wasn't until college that I realized how good looking I am and started to make an effort to look good like wear nice clothes and style my hair. Just try to realize you are a fit girl, you are blonde and you are pretty and just have a good time when you go out. I wish you would post pics of your girlfriends so I could compare them to you because chances are they're actually worse than you.

[Johannaxo]

I think when you go out, dress up in a way that you feel pretty or at least comfortable with how you look (hair, makeup, cloths). Don't wear anything that will make you feel self conscious. Then once you're out, forget about your looks, just have fun.

There is nothing more attractive than a kute girl, smiling, laughing and having a great time. Its not about winning hottest girl of the night award lol. Go out to have a good time.

[wowzer]

I recommend the gym- put some strength on that lean frame of yours. There'll be cute guys to check out and hot instructors. Then if some b-tch gives you the eye you can kick her @rse ;)

[pezzonovante88]

If you're fishing for a compliment... I'll give you one. If that's you in the pic, you have NO reason to feel ugly. Clearly you're very good-looking.

[goretcki]

Is that you in that pic? Because that girl is really pretty.

[Anonymous]

Your very beautiful, just stop listening to that negative voice in your head, its not our voice but the lying voice from the past

[Anonymous]

I can't see your body but for what it's worth your face is pretty.