How do you deal with being ugly?

Question

I've been called handsome, and told I was cute, but that was mostly by my mom and family and friends. But one of my friends told me that I can't be picky when I went out to pick up girls. When I asked why should I have to settle, he told me "Well no offense, but your not exactly the best looking guy around either."

Of course I've felt that I was unattractive before, and usually, I could deal with it, telling myself that I couldn't get a girl because I went to small private schools my whole life, and there wasn't much to pick from. But somewhere in side me, I knew it wasn't true; I've always known that I was ugly. I don't get compliments like my friends do; I usually get ignore, or get told "I like you as a friend, or a brother". I'm only 18, but I just don't know how to deal with it. I've never even gotten my first kiss, which only adds to how I feel.

Then, last night, figuring I could increase myself-esteem, I put my pix on a web site where people can vote if they think your attractive or not. Every person that say mine, said I was unattractive.

I can't ask my mom because when she was a kid, she was pretty and lots of people found her attractive. I don't have a dad, so that's not an option either. I'm 5'8, 173 lbs, milk chocolate skin, or some I'm told, and have a friendly and inviting personality. But we all know that when it comes to it, personality is the last thing that helps when you're looking at someone.

I just need some advice on how to deal with this. Please, anyone?

newyorkdoll · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't worry too much about what others think about you - I know, EASIER SAID THAN DONE.. But the truth is that there's ALWAYS someone for somebody. You shouldn't have to settle for less than what you want just because of others' opinions on your looks. There are thousands of different options to enhance your appearance if you're not fully comfortable with it -- but I promise you that you WILL eventually find someone. You said that you're 18 years old - and you're still young. Things start changing a lot more when you get a little older. I'm only 20 years old and am engaged - but things have changed so much in the past two years for me.

There's no reason you should have to lower your standards - but just like you feel horrible that others aren't physically attracted to you, there are also other girls out there who feel the same exact way.. Don't focus too much on how others look because I'm sure you wouldn't want that done to you either - this is something that you've been dealing with - - so maybe try finding a girl who FEELS the same way as you and make each other feel like the most beautiful people in the world. When you find that special someone, others really don't matter too much anymore.. You may find someone who is absolutely drop dead gorgeous but could be dumb as a bag of rocks - - get to know people before judging them based on their looks..

And as far as asking your family or people very close to you - you can't exactly count on them for an honest opinion because they're supposed to be there to make you feel better - so even if they didn't think you were attractive they'd probably still tell you that you were.. And putting your pictures up on the internet is not always the best way to go either.. Sure they're judging you based on your looks - but you said there were a bunch of good things about your personality.. How are they to know what you are like in real life? Looks only matter to a certain point. Sure, no one wants to be with someone that's absolutely hideous - but there's a difference between not being overly good looking and being hideously ugly. If you have an awesome personality - it's impossible to be hideously ugly. We're all humans and no one is perfect. We don't get to choose what we look like or how we are.. We're given what we have and have to roll with it.. Embrace all the positives about yourself and find confidence in that.. Confidence is probably one of the sexiest things that a person could have.

In the end, don't worry about what others tell you that you deserve. Everyone is always gonna have their own opinions and what may be ugly in one person's eyes could be the most beautiful thing in the world in another's. Just keep your head up and keep truckin on - when you're not looking for someone - that's when you end up finding the perfect one for you :)

Goood luck xx

Flexy · Accepted Answer

Okay, the whole "I like you as a friend" has NOTHING to do with looks! I repeat : the whole "I like you as a friend" has NOTHING to do with looks! You know why? Because it has everything to do with an insecure guy, who is too shy to make any strong moves, so he has a lukewarm presence with women. Really - I'm being honest.

Secondly, JUST because someone told you that you're not the best looking guy out there, doesn't mean that you're ugly. I'm NOT the best looking girl out there, but I know my qualities, talents and good parts.

You need to find yours, and don't wait another second!

For example if you've got a nice build and height - workout more, tone up become that lean mean machine, I think just making the best of what you've got is always attractive to women, and we all want providers, confident guys who will defend you with no shadow of a doubt.

Okay, also, you need to become fashionable, if you're not comfortable with yourself, then get with the program, there is onyl a tiny percentage of the population that are naturally good looking, everyone else has jumped on the 'makeover' wagon. Monobrow removal, teeth whitened, acne cleared, trendy haircut, new fashionable clothing makeover, and of course the swag to match.

Imagine that all it took was confidence to get a girl, that makes it a lot easier right? You don't have to be the best looking guy to get an AMAZING girl, girls are less shallow - well the older they get the less shallow they become, in high school or college, they might be following everyone else and looking for the next brad pitt, but to be honest, there is ONLY one Brad Pitt and he's married, let those girls chase after him.

I really believe you can make a change in yourself, it would be sad to see you waste yourself because of insecurities. We are ALL insecure, we just have to manage our insecurities so that they never take over our dreams and stop us from achieving what we want out of life.

All the best.

jusrgirl5727 · Accepted Answer

I know PLENTY of guys who're really unattractive, but they get girls. Sometimes is how you present yourself, like your attitude, clothes, style. It's shallow, yeah. Also these guys are really outgoing and have a sense of humor. I don't like that type of guy, but the majority of girls do.

I've liked "ugly" guys, but the minute I saw them I thought they had a je any se quoi. The thing is, I never thought they were ugly! They had no suitors and my friends thought they were ugly, but they looked pretty hot to me. I've liked a variety of guys, some really pale, some really dark skinned, dark eyes, dark hair, skinny, fat, etc. They all attracted me like crazy! I've noticed I like strong, unique features. Usually these are guys other girls show no interest in. "Hot" guys have been interested in me, but I have not felt attracted to them in a physical, mental or emotional way.

It might be harder for you, but trust me, there are girls out there who will think you're hot. And if you're a nice, down to earth guy, well, hey that's like winning the jackpot for girls like me! Cultivate an interesting personality (which I'm sure you have), and well, be patient.

Just go out one day and people watch. You'll notice a lot of normal guys with hot girls. Also, don't think of yourself as ugly or unattractive. That will make you less confident.

You can put on muscle if you feel like it'll help your confidence, although not all women like muscular guys, many do. Don't worry too much, just be friendly. Oh, and remember there are many shy girls who're waiting for guys to approach them. Some of us have not gotten over that mentality, sorry.

thepianist · Accepted Answer

Well, it'd help to know what you look like, first of all.

Anyway, I'm considered pretty ugly too so here's my advice to you. I'm asian, 5'4 and slightly chubby I'd say. some people would say I'm normal. anyway, it seems that you have some low self esteem. Here's how I dealt with mine, first off, surround yourself with more positive people, people that make you feel good and happy. Second, try your best to be physically attractive. if you're overweight, try to lose some, work out, run, eat healthier, etc.. If your wardrobe isn't the best, go shopping. Take a friend, whether it be girl or a guy and ask them to help you out if you don't know what to get. (also, it doesn't hurt to work out with a friend, it makes you more motivated and makes it seem like a lot less work). Try hard to look good, do your hair, take care of pimples if you have them. basically, if you're "ugly", try to overcompensate for it.

Another way to overcompensate for it is personality. If what you said is true, you should have no problem in this department. I'm sure you've heard stories where the funny guy or ugly guy gets the hot girl because of his personality. THis is so true. I'll use myself as an example. My girlfriend is a tall athletic 5'9 blond with blue eyes. I knew her before we started dating and her history of guys is that she lieks tall, athletic looking guys. (obviously not me) Then, we got closer together, I asked her out, and she said yes. We've been going out for over a year. Sure, the height difference may have bothered her at first but she got over it, just as she did my looks. Plus, when you love someone, how they look grows on you, kind of like you learn to like it. personality is the thing that you need to use when you're looking for someone. It's how I got my girl. and it's how I got all my ex's. Personality.

you wanna know how to deal with it? do what I did and fight it. don't just sit back and think you're never going to get a girl. If you do that, you're SURE to never get a girl. Instead try to improve what you can (physically), get out there and be yourself. by actively searching, you will find someone that accepts you. just as I did.

if you wanna talk just message me :) I'm happy to help.

Chaaz · Accepted Answer

Well.. I haven;t seen you or met you. Have ZERO idea who or what you are. So for all I know you could be some ugly nerd turd who secretly likes to wear human skin over the internet, or maybe I could be that guy =) ha ha.

Okay that was a warm up. Alright. Let me share with you some of my experiences.

Basically your young and you are going through a phase, I know that sounds ridiculous, but I went through it as well, you feel ugly and you feel no one would ever want you etc etc. I went through that too. I don't have a father either...

1. You are so young. Take comfort in the fact that you are going through something of a phase. That means what you are feeling right now may all just be overexaggerated, so if you think you are UBER SUPER ugly, just turn that down a notch, you are probably not ugly, or just a little bit. You get my point right? There is a high probability you aren't.

2. Usually you get your 1st kisses and sexual experiences when you are in your twenties. So do not fret.

3. Personality is NOT the last thing people look at. That is so ridiculous. I have seen women friends, who are not exactly HOT, but they are beautiful because I know who they are and because they are good dressers and they have amazing personalities.

I have been told there is no such thing as an ugly girl, only a lazy one. And I think the same holds true with guys.

4. Self esteem is important yet. When you like yourself and are comfortable with yourself, girls will want to get to know you..

- You can start by doing things, find something you like, get good at it and take it as an accomplishment and draw your confidence from that.

examples; take up a sport, join a group, do something.. I remember I was good at the boomerang, still am (except I gotta walk 2 meters to be in position to catch it now).

-Do not do things that make you feel depressed or make you feel ugly. IF you feel down when putting your photo up on a website judged by a bunch of strangers (who would have ZERO idea of what you truly look like), then DO NOT DO IT ffs.

Don_Garb · Answer

You step into a party or a bar, there are lots of men and women there. Somewhere in that room, is a woman who finds you attractive. It might be in a shopping mall or on the subway, out in the street or at the library. Everywhere you go there is at least one woman who's willing to give you a chance. You have to find her.

The easiest way to do that is find a woman who will be your friend. If you ask a girl out and she says let's just be friends then BONUS! - you hit the jackpot. Go out with her as friends, follow her fashion advice, look at other women at the bar and talk about them with your friend, who's a girl. Watch the movie "Marty".

Also, people are shallow and looks do matter. The free ride that beautiful people get and the hurtful insults that the plain folk must suffer is the root of all evil in this world. That's just the way it goes, it's cruel, it's reality, and it will never change.

Find a girl who will be your friend. With her you can find a girl who is really interested in you. Don't despair, you're lucky that most women are slightly less shallow than most men.

alexablack · Answer

I've read some of the answers and everyone is right. Confidence is key. Here's how it usually works for girls. They meet a hot guy and his personality is absolutely terrible. He automatically becomes ugly to them. Then they meet a guy who's caring and nice who has an amazing personality. Even if he isn't the most attractive person out there he becomes good looking after seeing that side of him. Here's what happened to me. There's this guy who was my friend and I didn't think he was attractive to be honest. I knew he liked me and I just didn't like him that way . We kept talking and hanging out and he became my best friend. He was there for me when I needed him and just understood me. I started to fall for him and honestly I think he's hot now. It's funny because the guys I used to think were hot I don't find anymore. I look in a crowd and the ones that are good looking are the ones that look like my guy now. Girls have a completely different mindset when it comes to attractiveness than guys do and I'm glad you asked this question. Now you can see what girls think and there are some really good answers here. If that friend keeps bringing you down then find someone who's positive. Those websites you put pictures on are full of people who think negatively and love to spread it to other people. Don't settle for just anyone and your family and friends call you cute because they know your personality completely. Cheer up and try to think more posivitely. You're going to meet a girl and think you were silly to think this way. I hope this helped a little :).

hawaiianbeautyxo · Answer

No ones ugly. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if the beholder (aka you) thinks your ugly then that stigma will never change. That's the thing, our society is so based on how peoples appearances are and we compare them to the hot celebrities but to be honest... none of that is even realistic. You have to change the way you feel about YOURSELF before anyone else in the world can know your qualities.

People don't realize that we all hold our own self worth in our hands. That's what people mean when they say if you don't love yourself no one else will. Who wants to love the guy that says he's ugly, who wants to love the guy who says he's not attractive... because to some girl whoever she is the girl you won't have to settle for and YOU will think is the most beautiful girl in the entire world isn't going to see you as the ugly unattractive guy.

Tell yourself 10 wonderful things about yourself and believe them! tell yourself how great you are and how much you DESERVE someone and that the RIGHT person is worth waiting for and you WONT have to settle for. They will love you from your biggest imperfection to your most perfect quality. But the thing that will make you uniquely yours is your imperfections. So how to deal with being unattractive change your own perspective.

I wish you all the best and I know that you'll find it out there don't let people who want to bring you down get you down. Raise above it hold your head high know your own self worth and smile.

LittleMissy93 · Answer

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Honestly everyone has their own opinion. At the moment I like this guy who I think is majorly sexy and all my friends think is ugly. (which offends me lol) I also have found myself in a situation where I found a guy good looking merely because of his personality. I once liked a guy who I thought was ugly until I liked him, and then I found him cute. Your mom is probably a good judge, she knows your personality and finds you cute even though other people find you unattractive. It could also be the pictures you posted, some pictures are just ugly.  Would you really want someone who only liked you because they thought you were cute? Sometimes it's better to be ugly, then you know that you're liked for who you really are, your relationships will last longer and you'll know that the person you're with truly must love you. There's a person out there for everyone, but don't ditch a girl just because you think she's ugly, she could be the sweetest person you ever met. Even attractive people shouldn't be judgmental it just makes them jerks.

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · Answer

well let me tell you something ... OFcourse you can't be picky about girls ! .. because a girl you will not choose for her look might feel the same way your feeling now and incase you haven't noticed you are treating girls the same way ! ... and about that I would say ...be easy don't be shalloow! ... and maybe by what your frnd said he meant that your not the best looking guy in the world .. or what ever place you live ( this doesn't mean your ugly !) ...in life you meet people who are better looking than you and people who are not better looking than you ... I am pretty but this doesn't mean I'm the most pretty girl .. there are 4 sure better lookin girls ...

second of all !.. : never say your ugly and have self confidence because for sure it what makes a person pretty have you ever heard of ( laws of attraction ) ... if have self confidence and if you look at the mirror everyday and thank GOD for the way you look and believe deep down that your handsome and REALLY BELIEVE it ..then everyone else will sure think you are ! be smart , be funny , love life and BOVE all love yourself! ...

and don't mind what people say it doesn't matter ! what matters is that how YOU see yourself ... all what people can do is JUDGe ! ...and most of the time false judgements .. besides beauty is subjective a person might see you handsome the other might not and this doesn't mean anythng just believe in ursefl :) snd stop looking for girls ..gurls will come to you by time and . (the right girl will come when its time) .. tc wish you the best

starbucksaddict14 · Answer

First thing I have to say is that personality is definitely not the last thing.. Haha. Sure, looks are the first thing everyone sees. But guess what? If a sexy guy is a d***, I'm not going to stick around.

You sound like an incredibly sweet guy. And honestly, I'd choose that over sexyd*** anyday. Haha.

You just need to put yourself out there more..

Oh and the fact that you're at a private school also does matter- trust me, all of high school I went to a small school with 60 kids in my grade, never once had a boyfriend seeing as I wasn't interested in the selection given! But outside of school was a totally different story.

Not to mention that confidence is so important- the fact that you think you're ugly isn't making it any easier for you. People see you as you see yourself. REALIZE how cute you are, and roll with it! Make a girl laugh, be nice, be a gentleman, and confident, and you'll find yourself a girl in no time. :)

And your friends need to go shove some umbrellas up their asses, because the fact that they told you that means that either a) they're jealous or b) DOUCHE BAGS.

Positiveman · Answer

Actually, the simplest answer is "GOD DOES NOT CREATE UGLY THINGS". If you don't believe god, then you have to understand that everyone is different this world. One cannot have the look another person. Thus, as you are different you are automatically unique and beautiful. Who tells you are ugly when you are actually and obviously unique?  Forget about human mentality. We make useless rocks expensive, we make stupid plastic things valuable. If you got dollar, it is just plastic but we actually put in value for us to be useful. However, it is valualess in and out of itself. Thus, you have to give yourself the values you deserve as a human being, with different look, and unique. Your personality can be desired or undesired. Again, there is no ugly personality but one might find it persuading or disauding to interact with others' personality. Ugly is in and out of itself symbolic expression which has no meaning unless you put in. Thus, you have to avoid giving "ugly" to credit when it does not deserve because it only works against you. I see this world a bit different way than most humans do because I see most of the thigns people do, believe, or say as symbolic. For example, flag is just symbolic. You consider strong and beautiful and protect but really it is just crab little pieces of clothing in which you have the right to use it as a toilet paper. Thus, a friend says to you are you ugly disregarded these elements and degraded you by hurting your feelings and does not deserve your friendship. Or you educate him by asking him, "I understand what you mean but if you think I am ugly, can you tell me someone who can look like me exactly?. I am a unique man and I appreciat my looks.". He will feel ashamed of saying wasteful words.

Dragonblood21 · Answer

You don't have to "settle" with someone, I hate it when people use that term. As though you want the person you dream of or think about when desiring a loving relationship, but will have to take someone else instead. Even if you did this, the relationship wouldn't work out anyway because it isn't what -you- want. You can't settle when it comes to relationships. It isn't a car, it isn't a new pair of shoes, those are things you can "settle" with. You have no other choice but to go for who YOU want, because that is the only way things are really going click between you and your partner, and you need the click to keep the relationship alive.

Anyway, with that out of the way, don't tell yourself you can't get a certain girl, because that is just bull. I look around me and see pretty girls with not as attractive guys quite often, also vice versa. Why you might ask? Because the other person sees something others don't in their relationship, they love the other person for reasons others can't understand, and the thought of "the other person isn't attractive enough for me..." just never goes through their heads. Or at least, the stronger relationships have this sort of bond. Now if other people can do it, so can you. This doesn't mean to go chasing after every attractive girl you meet. But if you meet a girl, and you like her, just go for it, you have really nothing to lose. Will it be harder for you to find someone? Possibly. Is it impossible or should you give up just because it's harder? Definitely not. If you keep trying, I can guarantee you one day, someone will surprise you.

Dragonlady · Answer

my boyfriend is not at all hot in fact when I first met him I thought he was pretty ugly, but I am in love with him now and we have been together for almost 2 years now, he's the best guy I have ever dated, he deff makes up for his looks he's great in bed has a big cock, and he takes such good care of me :) he's considerate gentle, loving , he supports me and gives me money to go shopping with pays for everything and has a place, job and car...he has his sh*t togther and he's a great guy. We always get weird looks by guys who take a look at me and then look at him...nobody expects a girl like me to be with somone like him...but he's really everything a girl needs and wants besides the looks department.

looks aren't everything a lot of hott guys I have been with turn out to be really physcotic and have issues...what girls want is a good man whos hard working and has his life together. girls want to be taken care of. you can deff make up for it with plenty of other things you can offer. As long as you are a good person you'll do fine.

curlygirl · Answer

whatever... who cares what you look like. I'm guessing the reason you think you're ugly is because you're hanging out with white kids all the time. Who cares what you're "friend" says... just get out of the friend zone...or whatever, with the girls. you just gotta have the personality! seriously! there are some ugly ASS guys out there, who get laid 3 times a night. Just find girls your own color too. and when your with black girls, don't act like a white kid...you gotta be mysterious...and like hard to get...don't let other people know that you think you're ugly...be confident! rich, and snobby white girls aren't gonna like the blackk dude anyways, especially if he don't think he's sexy! just love who you are and except how you look, wether you like it or not!

let me tell you story about a little kid who I'm pretty sure has gotten lad before! there's this ugly ass little 6th grader, who looks like a monkey! I'm so serious his ears completely stick out...NOT EVEN LYING! he is so ugly...but he's got a different girl friend every week...even though he's the ugliest guy that anyones ever seen. it's just he's got the right attitude. I don't know how you're gonna figure out that attitude hangin out with white people all the time...maybe watch, like gangster movies, and watch like little wayne, and gucci mane music videos or somthin. I mean don't treat girls like a d***, but if you really want it.

when you think you're sexy...everyone else will!

i am so serious! also, if you think you're ugly, you're gonna get a girl whos ugly. just be confident with yourself!

oh, and I wanna see that picture! seriously! what the link?

TheGoodTheBadTheHOT · Answer

I don't know if I'm attractive or not although I lean towards the latter, like you I have never kissed a girl (albeit I'm 16 but still), I tend to get ignored and I have very low self esteem when chatting in person, over text or email makes me much more relaxed but that doesn't help if you can't get the girls number in the first place.

I go to a public high school with roughly 240 people in my year, all of my friends have kissed a girl, and my closest friends have all shagged someone.

My priority is to try different hairstyles, try to find clothes that suit me and I'm following some intensive programs at the gym to try and up my body rating.

Although I don't have your excuse of being in small private schooling (which is probably a huge factor) I am far above average height 6ft 2.5" (I was 6ft at 13), the girls in my year tend to go for older guys or guys from different schools, and I have a heavy English accent while I live in Scotland who are well known for their ehhh "love" (heavy with sarcasm) towards the English.

Jinmetsu_Rasetsu · Answer

I've seen (and I am no judge of dudes... I'm straight, dammit... lol) some horse arse ugly dudes with totally hot chicks before... I mean, FOR THE SAKE OF GOD, how does Seal get married to Heidi Klum?!?!? What I can say is, for women, looks aren't as important as they are for men when concerning the opposite sex. On both sides, you get the shallow chick that says, "if he don't look something like Fabio(as an example), I want nothing to do with him," as you get the dudes that say, "if she don't look anything like Parris Hilton (as an example) I want nothing to do with her." It's all about the confidence you have in yourself. You must be able to bluff.

Dating is like High stakes Texas Hold em... you may see a 4 of diamonds, a 5 of hearts, 6 of clubs, a 2 of spades, and a 4 of hearts on the table, and all you have are a J of diamonds and the A of spades... You better keep betting as if you have a 3 and a 7... Basically, even though you have a "loosing hand", bluff as if you have a straight, or a straight flush...

The best I can say, is f*ck the bull sh*t, be a winner, even if it is just a bluff.

I have a friend, he is, if you lined me up with my other friends, not the most attractive of the bunch... He is the only one that had several girlfriends and even is married now. If you see his wife, you would say, "damn, how the hell did he get her?" My mother even pokes fun at the fact that I am more attractive than him, and I only dated 2 females and I am 32!

It is all in what you do. According to that friend, all he did was be himself, and his personality won over many of his previous girlfriends and even his wife.

quote · Answer

If I were you, I would just shrug off the petty comment made by your "friend." He sounds pretty tactless to me if not rude or inconsiderate.

Fortunately, he is not an authority on your looks. Beauty or good looks are in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I can look at a girl and agree she is pretty or attractive but she will not turn me on. Another girl, who is perhaps not so "Chocolate Box" pretty will be a big turn on. The same applies to blokes when viewed by other girls. Just look at the blokes some nice looking girls go out with and you will know what I mean. Some girls avoid handsome men in favour of those who are not so good looking.

My suggestion might be to go to a good hairdresser and get your hair nicely styled and then go and choose some good clothes that suit you and then check your teeth and finger nails, then draw yourself up to your full height, smile, and greet the world as if you own it. Be pleasant and smile if you mean it and talk to girls in terms of their interests and not yours and then be a good listener.

Now see what happens !

tanr7 · Answer

I agree, looks only contribute to 10% in a true relationship though. My friends are very good looking, they get a lot of compliments as well. But my most popular friend, he has severe acne but everyone loves him. People admire him a lot because he throws himself out there. His personality makes people see past his physical flaws. And yes, girls do like him, alot. I've been reading this book called "How to win friends and influence people" There are 6 steps to making people like you.

1) Become genuinely interested in other people, look like you actually enjoy listening to them

2)Smile, a smile can open up many doors

3)Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language, people love hearing their names, so don't forget it and remember it

4)Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Remember," to be interesting is to be interested"

5)Talk in terms of the persons interests. Study on their likes and dislikes so that you can communicate better

6)Make the other person feel imortant, do it sincerely. Don't just say cheap flattering things, make them feel like they mean something. Say it from your heart, don't just think

Anonymous · Answer

Ok. First of all, you should NOT care what the rest of the internet, your friends, or possibly even myself (if I saw your picture - I don't know what you look like) has to say about your looks. Confidence is everything (okay, more like 99% of it, close enough). You need to have confidence on the inside - that's what a girl is going to pick up on.

Secondly, you're only 18, which is still plenty of time for you to mature into your looks (I didn't start growing into mine until I was 19 and I'm 21 and still growing into them - I'm quite pretty now, but when I was 15? Let's not talk about it).

Thirdly, there's a lot that make-up and just plain old grooming can do to change your look or appearance. For example, let me show you this guy: link (Alban Preaubert if you wanted to google more pics). Not exactly attractive at first glance. But if he cut and styled his hair, got braces, and got his eyebrows waxed (it is not gay - my cousin is the most hetero guy you'll ever meet and he waxes his. He also looks like movie star Chris Pine, so there), he'd look 50x more attractive. There's a lot you can do to change your appearance!

Fourthly, I'll let you in on a secret: if a girl really likes you? Looks aren't all that important. And the more and more you look at a person, the more you begin to like those features (for example, I looked through so many pictures of that guy to find one to post here that by the end, I couldn't find any "ugly" pictures of him, even though he looks the same in all of them. XD)

Lastly, a person's greatest secret weapon to looking pretty/handsome: smile! :)

Anonymous · Answer

Well believe it or not being a somewhat unattractive guy can be a blessing in disguise. Weird logic but this is coming from a good looking guy who struggles with girls. I'm an athlete and a former fitness model. I have been called "cute" by countless girls and handsome/hot by some others...but it really means very little when it comes to game time. When I was in college I was friends with a kid who later became polo's TOP MODELS. He has been in magazines, billboards, posters,etc. Thing is I think he turned out to be gay (I'm straight).

Intimidation is also real problem with women. They get intimidated by good looking guys and are afraid to talk to them. They also make quick assumptions about good looking guys. They thing that they are stuck up, full of themselves, don't have a personality or worse (homosexual). Sometimes this is true...but other times its not.

Also girls don't want to be "outdone" by a guy that's better looking than them. They want to look better than their guy.

My ex dumped me for a kid that's not good looking at all. Yeah I'm p*ssed...but what can I do it's in their nature.

So my advice to you is work on your personality and become the FUNNIEST guy around. Humor is going to be your real firepower. Think of Seth Rogan. Fat chubby guy that gets with hot girls in movies ALL THE TIME.

GottaMakeItReal · Answer

I've felt the exact same way you do. So I understand 100% of what you're saying. I'm an 18 female with milk chocolate skin, never been kissed, never had a boyfriend, felt very unattractive since I was a kid (started at 11 or 12), I never got attention from boys & the list goes on. But it wasn't until last year, right before my 18th brithday that I learned something. I read a scripture from the Bible that made me change the way I thought of myself. The scripture says:

"It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that make you beautiful. No, your beauty comes from within you--the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that will never be destroyed and is precious to God." 1 Peter 3:3-4 (NIV)

This scripture made me realize that what my face or body looks like doesn't matter because it's all about personality/spirit. I figured out that if my friends, family, and [most importantly] GOD love me because of the inner me & not because of my face, then I should learn to love my personality as well. Once you learn to love yourself (personality), you can project that beauty on the outside. When you fully understand and accept the fact that looks really don't matter, you'll be able to fully understand and accept the fact that YOU ARE A HANDSOME & WONDERFUL CREATION (inside & outside) regardless of what other people think of you.

Heres a quick example: Have you ever met someone you don't find particularly attractive person but they manage to have a large group of friends and/or no problem getting a boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, I can think of at least 3 people like that & I assure you they have fantastic personalities. I've literally gone from being disgusted by one of their faces to having a huge crush on him & thinking "he's cute" after I got to know him. That being said: If you can grow to love someones faces because you love their personality, you can most certainly learn to do the same for yourself. It'll get better! Best wishes & I'll keep you in my prayers!

Anonymous · Answer

ive been in a similar situation, I used to get basically ignored most of the time.

There were basically two things I did to deal with it; first I started hitting the gym, figuratively speaking. What I actually did because I thought id look out of place in a gym was to start running early in the mornings when no one else would be about and just did pushups, planks and sit ups in my room. I would highly recommend getting a door frame pull up bar as well. Consistency is the key here, you really have to want to be in better shape or you will have trouble with motivation.

Second thing I did was to start dressing better. if your looking to do this id recommend doing some research first and waiting for the sales before buying anything, I got most of my stuff during the January sales. In terms of research id start by looking at the kinowear blog and if that doesn't help try searching "mens style" on stumble upon.

when I started taking better care of myself I gained a lot of confidence, its a lot easier to demand respect from others once you feel like you've earned it.

If after doing all this you still feel ugly at least you won't be as ugly as you were before you started. Only way to go is up.

Hope this helped.

b33t1t · Answer

No offense to anyone here but don't listen to advice telling you "looks aren't that important" & "I'm a girl, and I only go for personality so work on that". Because I'm pretty sure your tired of hearing bs like that. All that crap aside, my (practical) advice is to start working out. I know it sounds like I'm messing with you, but please trust me when I say that it does wonders for you:

a) You get healthier (physically/mentally)

b) You start looking better physically

c) It boosts your self esteem/determination/focus

d) Teaches you hard work and perseverance

If nothing else, at least your friend will think twice before he ever says anything that insulting to your face ever again...

Never settle for anything. Ever.

missymoo · Answer

im not going to lie, when a person looks at someone obviously the first thing they judge you by are your looks. But the good thing is, if you have an awesome personality where you seem to be oblivious to the fact that your not the general description of good looking, that can make the way you look completely unimportant. I have met guys where at first I didn't think they were that good looking but as I talked to them, in my eyes, the became very attractive to me. The thing your doing wrong here is the whole standards thing, you shouldn't even have a standard of who you will and won't go for. just treat people like they all look the same to you and the ones that stand out to you for the important reasons may be a lot easier to find. stop narrowing your options down, and stop worrying about how you look. being confident and genuinely nice to people will get you further than looks will anyday, trust me.

How do you deal with being ugly?

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