Is my friend a pedophile?

[Anonymous]

I'm really worried for my guy friend. He's 24 and he met this 14 year old girl, he tells me that she's really pretty and has a nice personality but he won't date her cause she's too young, so I was like ok well as long as you don't try and go for her.

Now comes this month... Last week we went out to eat and he was in the bathroom, I see a text come up from a girl named "Samantha" Now I also have a friend named Samantha which I introduced him too so I thought they were hitting it off pretty good, I opened his phone to text her and joke around be like "damn you like him" and jokes like that. But this "Samantha" Sent a selfie of herself half naked and it's a freaking UNDERAGE girl.
So now I'm getting worried and I scroll up and I see him basically flirting with her, telling her she needs to grow up quicker so they can be together and that he really enjoys her...
I confront him about it and he brushes it off, he tells me that every guy wants to be with a young girl at one point of their life and how age is just a number.
I'm seriously concerned.

Updates

+1 y

Edit: Talked to him yesterday for 2 hours, he agreed to stop and understood it was wrong. I told him I'll introduce him to GROWN women and he agreed. Also, found the girl on FB, messaged her and she full on came at me calling me a 'bitch, dumbass etc...' Whatever, he promised me to delete her and stop having romantic interest in her however he will still be friends with her.

[supergrape]

Wow.. shitty situation!
I can understand your hesitation to go to police or inform someone if authority, its hard to look at someone your close to and accept that the person you thought you knew, a person you trusted and had a bond with could be capable of the unimaginable, but you need to step back from looking at it from a "friend " view and see it for what it is. Its wrong. A 24 year old man who is persuing a 14 year old girl. At 14 a young girls brain isn't even fully developed, god, she may not even have her period yet!! He is taking advantage of her, what he is doing is not ok, but you already know that, your just looking for clarification.
You said you tried talking to him, and there ia no way to find this girl, have you tried looking for her on facebook? And if your friend brushed it iff last timr try sitting him down and MAKING him listen, yell at him, tell him you have been put in a position and as his friend you won't allow him to fuck up not only his life but the life of a 14 year old girl.. tell him its unacceptable and if something dosent change you will have no choice but to report him... i dono, its a shitty situation and i feel for you, but at the end of the day you know whats right and whats wrong and you need to base your decision on your own morals.

[Asker]

I don't see him again until Thursday due to work and busy lifestyle but when I meet up with him on Thursday I will for sure do what you said. I will force him to listen and understand that this is very disgusting. I tried looking for her on facebook but nothing showed up

[Transigence]

The 24-year-old man's brain isn't fully-developed yet either.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, we can get all "technical" with the definition of pedophilia in the country and say he wouldn't technically be a pedo, but let's reality check here. In the US (which I assume you're in) being a 24 year old with naked pictures of a 14 year old can get you into serious trouble, especially considering that there is a whole line of texts going back and fourth indicating that he was and is "flirting" with this young girl. That's lawyer gold. And phone companies will be easily able to use this as evidence by submitting his phone records and texts to a court should it come down to that. There is no where, I believe in the US, where the age of consent is lower than 16. Assuming this is all just a bunch of text and no physical sexual contact, he would probably at this point, if caught, be looking at a misdemeanor charge for the photos, but of course if that escalates or (and it happens) she decides to lie and say they had sex or they do have sex and she or her parents report it, he's looking at prison time. Best you can do is explain all this, warn him, show him the laws and how things like this can literally ruin his life and land him on a sex offender list and/or report him to her parents or authorities if it comes down to it.

[Mustachekitteh]

Yep he's crossing into pedo bear territory. Also that underage chick could go to jail for sending that nude. Since if she lives in the USA and in a certain state that's against the law. So the 14 year old is a serious idiot.

So here is a song for him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xo3Tpw-zLkM

[Mustachekitteh]

I would blast this song at him and make fun of him so badly for being such a jailbaiter. Until he feels so shitty he will delete her and not want anything to do with her.

I wouldn't trust him if he's keeping her as a friend. Plus she sounds clingy and obsessive.

[Anonymous]

You are confusing pedophile and Ephebophilia (the primary or exclusive adult sexual interest in mid-to-late adolescents, generally ages 14 to 18) which is about 99% of straight males.
Back when humans had the life expectancy of 30, females 14-18 were at the peak of their reproductive health and even though humans have found ways to live longer, the 14-18 year old female is still seen as the peak of female attraction. Although most of us know how to separate natural desire and actually doing something about it.

[Asker]

So should I just leave it be then?

[RachelBrigs]

Actually, women are most fertile in their early 20s. Girls generally begin menstruating at 12-14, and the first 1-2 years are anovulatory- they don't actually ovulate. Fertility peaks in the early 20s.

[Transigence]

If he's in possession of child porn, he needs to delete that shit ASAP and have her to stop sending it.

[Opinion Owner]

@RachelBrigs It's not about "fertility" it's about peak physical health in relation to attractiveness to the opposite sex.

[Opinion Owner]

It depends on if he is running the risk of getting himself in legal trouble.
The crossing the line between admiration and actually doing something about it.
If he has images of an underage girl he is technically breaking the law, because society is ok with underage girls exposing practically everything in public without consequence but a double standard exists with males where if we actually have images of that same stuff, we are breaking the law.

[RachelBrigs]

" peak physical health in relation to attractiveness to the opposite sex."
Um, the thing is, that sentence actually doesn't mean anything. Peak physical health? Not really, when we are at our healthiest varies from person to person. "In relation to attractiveness to the opposite sex." What is that even supposed to mean? You and some men may think 14 year old girls are the hottest but I do believe most men find women in their 20s much more attractive.

[Opinion Owner]

@RachelBrigs it doesn't mean anything to you... After 20 is when the skin starts to slowly loose its elasticity and women begin to age. It takes longer in some usually with the help of make up. That's why I said physical health and not just health. Their physical health is at peak not diet and exercise health that varies based on person.

In regards to "me and some men" actually there have been studies and men from teens to old age all generally go with pre 20 as the most attractive female form. Ephebophilia is about 99% of all men. Don't assume you know different because you don't like that or have confronted some guy and he told you different. Like we would admit it to a snarling female looking to shame and attack us.

[JoeCensored]

Pedophile generally is used to refer to someone attracted to someone who has not yet reached the age of puberty. So since she is older than that he wouldn't be a pedophile. Attraction to someone who has gone through puberty but is not of legal age of consent is natural, in fact that is what physical changes in female puberty are supposed to do, signal your readiness for sex and bearing children through attractiveness. 14 is actually at or above the age of consent in many countries (apparently not your country though).

He is absolutely playing with fire and you should try to stop him before her parents figure things out when they eventually go through her messages. He could end up a sex offender and ruin his entire life.

[JoeCensored]

@Asker I would tell him that years in prison is just a number too, but numbers happen to be very important it turns out.

[supergrape]

Perfect way of putting it ^^

[Esplorare]

Considering that her mind and body are underdeveloped and she sincerely doesn't even possess the life experience of a woman in comparison to the fact that he's nearly a quarter of a century old: YES. This is a major red flag. If I ever had a 'friend' who said something like that to me, I would stop being his friend, delete him from FB, and never let him come anywhere near my nieces or the young girls I mentor.

Your friend is a fucking freak.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing inherently wrong with being attracted to younger teens. The only reason it becomes instantly "OK" at 18 is because of modern laws that some half-asleep politicians scribbled out before they left to enjoy a big dinner banquet at tax payer expense.

For thousands and thousands of years older and younger people had relationships both deep and simply sexual but of course we're all superior to the people of the past I guess; having an iphone makes you an entirely different species than your ancestors.

[xXiTacoXx]

So you're ok with her friend being a pedophile? You creep...

[Esplorare]

@Asker This guy is a pedophile too. If he truly believed in what he was saying with pride, then he wouldn't have to hide to express himself.

[Opinion Owner]

@Esplorare Not necessarily, you're just trying to get my email so that you can harass me and spam my inbox with hate mail. Why would I want that crap? I've already said the truth that needs to be said; what everyone already knows but has been threatened to look down and be quiet about.

But nice try Esplorare

[Asker]

So you're suggestion is that I let it happen?

[Transigence]

@xXiTacoXx Being attracted to 14 year old girls isn't pedophilia nor is it the slightest bit "wrong."

Having sex with a 14 year old girl (where I live) is a crime, but it's an ethical issue, not a moral one.

[xXiTacoXx]

@Transigence It's both ethically and morally wrong. It's very wrong. It's more than the slightest bit wrong.

[Transigence]

@xXiTacoXx So our entire species is founded on a succession of immoral acts? Because I got news for you -- it's only in the last 1 or 2 hundred years that we would consider a 14-year-old an adolescent (before that, we didn't have a term for adolescent, we just called them young adults and treated them as such).

So why is it so immoral today, but it wasn't, say, 500 years ago?

[xXiTacoXx]

@Transigence Yes, our entire species came from immoral acts. It doesn't take a genius to know this, but what's done is done. The only thing people can do now is set things right, and pedos like you don't help.

[Transigence]

@xXiTacoXx I am not attracted to pre-pubescent children. Stop calling me a pedo.

[xXiTacoXx]

@Transigence Then stop justifying grown men and women going after those who aren't fully developed.

[Transigence]

@xXiTacoXx That's not what pedophilia is. That's like me calling you a murderer because you slapped someone across the face. You're getting into legally actionable territory with your accusations.

[xXiTacoXx]

@Transigence Fine, you're a hebephile/ephebophile or w/e it's called, but it's still just as bad.

[Transigence]

@xXiTacoXx Ephebophilia is the PREFERENTIAL or EXCLUSIVE attraction to pubescent teens over adults.

Simply being attracted to a 14-year-old who has fully-developed secondary sex characteristics and is reproductively viable isn't even a thing. It's 99% of all of us.

Our genitals don't go up/down (or get wet) because of conscious effort. "Oh, I can totally appreciate how FULLY MATURE she is, with her philosophy degree and all... I think I'll start an erection."

You're putting the cart before the horse. You're calling me a shit-lord because of my physiological response, and accusing me of consciously creating it out of some sickness.

That's not how it works.

Go ask a social worker if ephebophilia is "just as bad" as pedophilia. Go ask an actual psychologist.

Then purge yourself of the hatred you've been taught to have.

[xXiTacoXx]

@Transigence I know they don't, but justifying/defending this chicks friends actions is what's sick since we all know he's not trying to stop the exchanges he's having with this kid. It's like he's in a situation where the girl looks developed and he doesn't know her ages. He knows her age and still continues to have vile encounters with this girl. That's what's really sickening, and there's no defending it at all.

[Transigence]

@xXiTacoXx I'm not defending the guy from the consequences of his actions -- I don't really know what his actions or intentions are. I'm just defending him from knee-jerk accusations of pedophilia, which is unwarranted for at least one, maybe two reasons.

[xXiTacoXx]

@Transigence You should read the askers descriptions to see what their actions are.

[Transigence]

@xXiTacoXx Yes, she has put him in possession of child pornography, and she herself, technically, is a child pornographer.

I'm just saying none of this makes him a pedophile.

[Asker]

@Transigence Did you really just say i'm a child pornographer... Are you alright or something wtf?

[xXiTacoXx]

He didn't say that to you he said it about the girl.

[lolatyou]

Yeah he's a creep.

It's fine that he thought she was pretty and had a good personality but he's obviously crossing boundaries now. I'm not saying that 14 year olds can't have good personalities but at the age of 24 he should be mentally and emotionally beyond her level.

[Transigence]

And what if he's not? Does that make him bad? I hope you understand that when a 24-year-old has the emotional maturity of a 14-year-old it's not because of his own intrinsic shittiness -- it's more likely he was abused and his development was arrested by outside forces.

[lolatyou]

"should".

[lolatyou]

I was trying to type more but this site is lagging like crazy.

I was speaking about most situations. Also if he's not then I don't blame him but I think someone needs to explain to him the meaning of boundaries and age differences to that degree and he needs to understand that. I doubt that's the case in most situations though.

[Transigence]

@Quacken What the fuck? Are you going to do something about it? If you're going to come over and do something about it, PM me and I'll send you a location where we can meet, and you can fucking do something about it.

[Darkfairie17]

Thats so disgusting! I would seriously be concerned with your friend if I were you. That is so wrong!

No 24 year old should want to be with a 14 year old. She's still a child!

I would confront your friend and if he brushes it off again I would consider going to the authorities.

[WalterRadio]

Report it to police, the FBI. Now. Your knowledge of it puts you PERSONALLY at risk of being arrested and charged.

Receipt of child porn is a felony, and I believe it carries a five year mandatory prison term.

He f'd up.

[Quacken]

No no no no every guy does not want to be with or fantasize about or flirt with 14 yr olds. I can see a guy in his 40's or 50's fantasizing about a girl in her 20's. But not a girl that young that is a problem. I would do something about it. I'm not sure exactly what I would do, but he wouldn't get away with that.

[RachelBrigs]

Unfortunately it seems like most guys do at some point. At least that's what it sure as hell seems like.

[Quacken]

@RachelBrigs no way. Why do you think that.

[RachelBrigs]

Lol read the comments. That's one example

[Transigence]

Uhh... what the hell would you do about it? It's not illegal and it's none of your business. There's nothing really for you to do about it. Other than maybe confront him and vomit your fucked up value system on him.

[dominiquois]

@Transigence yes it is illegal its pedophila and child pornography you're probably a pedophile yourself.

[Quacken]

@RachelBrigs pm me if you can the responses on here are getting confusing. I have read some of the comments and some of these people need serious help

[Quacken]

@Transigence it is illegal to have sexual pictures of a 14 yr old it's called child porn. And my fucked up value system. Your saying it's ok to sexualize children. You better hope I don't meet anyone like you with that value system bc I'll do a lot more than "vomit my value system on them" ... they won't get home for dinner.

[Anonymous]

A 14yo is a teenager, not a small child. There's nothing wring with being attracted to one, and their age difference would be acceptable at any other point (24 to 34, 34 to 44) but I don't think a 14yo is mentally mature enough to date a 24yo. And of course, it's illegal. Technically even if she took naked pics and kept them to herself, she would be distributing child porn according to law. If he doesn't feel like getting arrested today, he should leave her and wait until whatever the age of consent is.

[Transigence]

Dating a 14-year-old isn't against the law.

[Opinion Owner]

Dating isn't, technically. But anything sexual is.

[26ukdude]

I dont think he is a paedophile unless he is attracted to pre pubescant girls. Underage and illegal yes but she is of sexual maturity so the terminology is wrong. 10 years age difference isn't usually an issue but in this case she is below the age of consent which is 16 where I am from so he should not be flirting or texting or having anything to do with her.

[peachblossomluck]

Your friend is in possession of child pornography now which is a federal crime. He needs to stop thinking with his dick and hopefully not send her any pics of it as well! He needs to leave that girl alone completely and delete any incriminating evidence before he fucks off his whole life. Is he slow or something?

[Kylesar]

At 18, it would raise questions, but it could still be fine

At 24, you have a real fucking problem. He's not a pedo, since those are attracted to pre-pubescent girls, not teens, but he'd still go to jail like one

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Worried about him? He's a sick bitch and needs to leave that child alone. He's a pedo he needs to stop trying to justify it with "all guys are like that"

I bet he drives by middle schools real slow and creeps on the students.

[Dulcedulcexoxo]

Pedophile, only a pedophile will defend what this man is doing. its like how people defended tyga for getting at a 14 year old girl knowing her age. Seems like pedos are know young not only wrinkled 50 year olds

[Transigence]

Okay, you need to learn the difference between pedophilia and ephebophilia.

Being attracted to post-pubescent pre-adults is not pedophilia, and it's very natural.

[Dulcedulcexoxo]

@Transigence pedophilia.. tell that to the cops when and government.

[Transigence]

The photos makes him in possession of child pornography. But it's not against the law to have feelings for a 14-year-old and even take her on dates, unless her guardians have forbade it formally with a restraining order.

[Dulcedulcexoxo]

@Transigence But it's sick, you as a grown man is taking advantage if a child who's brain hasn't fully developed. only one reason a grown Ass man is interested in a child it's for sex and manipulation.

[Transigence]

Okay, first off, it's not sick. In human history, it has been normal for 13-15-year-old girls to get MARRIED to 35-year-old men for longer than it has been weird. And it's normal to be attracted to member of the same species and opposite sex who have indicators of sexual fertility. Ma nature don't give a fuck.

"only one reason a grown Ass man is interested..." This assumption is actually sick. You expose a deep prejudice of men when you say things like this. That's really hateful.

"... in a child..."

A 14-year-old is not a child, but an adolescent. And before we had the notion of an adolescent, a 14-year-old would be considered an adult.

"... it's for sex and manipulation." And this actually reveals your prejudice of 14-year-olds -- specifically that they can have nothing to offer but sex. I remember being 14 and the 14-year-old me says, "Hey, fuck you. I am more than just a swinging dick."

[Dulcedulcexoxo]

@Transigence OMFG, your trying to defend something that is disgusting. They aren't mentally developed. a 14 year old boy or girl cannot make proper choices at that age. Im not going to argue with you trying to defend your sick attraction to a child.

[Transigence]

In fairness, literally nobody can make proper choices.

[thisGUYknows]

Tell him he needs to quit asap. Because I'm sure a 14 year old is gonna brag to her friends she's "seeing" a guy in his twenties. Word is gonna spread and sooner or later an adult at school is going to find out. Then he's in deep shit.

[Transigence]

There's nothing wrong with "seeing" someone who isn't of age. There's something illegal about having sex with someone who isn't of the age of consent but is over the age of puberty, though. But there's an important distinction.

It's not illegal for adults to interact with adolescents.

[Quacken]

@Transigence it is illegal for adults to have sexual pictures of adolescent children. Dude I have a feeling your into kids.

[Quacken]

@Transigence according to THE FEDERAL LAW sexual pictures of anyone under 18 (even a17 yr old is CHILD PORN

[Transigence]

@Quacken Yeah, I had, as yet, skimmed past the part where he said she sent him pictures. That changes the situation significantly.

[thisGUYknows]

@Transigence of course it's not illegal for interaction. But what they're doing seems like it's going to go beyond that.

[Transigence]

When? That's the hope for legitimacy.

[xXiTacoXx]

He's a pedo, and if she's sending those pics and he's not telling her to stop, then you should bring him to the police immediately.

[Asker]

I can't bring myself to do that, he's my friend. I known him since 5th grade, we shared so many experinces together. Do you understand what I'm saying, I can't turn him into the cops it's too hard for me.

[xXiTacoXx]

So you're willing to let him so sexual things with a fucking CHILD because he's your friend? You're no better than he is. You're both sick in the head. I don't give a damn if it's to god damn hard for you. You're a grown ass woman, and you should know better. Friend of doe he needs to be turned in, and if you're a person with some goddamned sense you would hurry up and do it as soon as possible. If something happens to this girl because you've decided not to turn him in then it's on both of your hands, not just his.

[Asker]

There are better suggestions like what other people gave me then go ahead just go to the cops. I know it's fucking wrong I told him a million times and he is not doing anything sexual with the TEEN. She's a TEEN now not a child. I'm meeting him on Thursday and when I do I'm going to rage at him and tell him how horrible it is, and if he still keeps texting her then I might have to report him. And how the fuck am I sick in the head? Get your words right lady because if I'm just as sick as him then I wouldn't have confronted him the minute I saw the messages. I couldn't fully yell and shout and try to get my point across since we were in a restaurant and I had a meeting right after. But there is no way I'm just gonna go to the cops without even trying to explain to him why this is disgusting first, espically since I basically own my life to this guy since he was the reason I'm still alive.

[Transigence]

I seriously can't believe your just posited that putting your finger in a 14-year-old is JUST AS BAD as putting your finger in a 7-year-old. That actually blows my fuckin' mind.

[Asker]

What? Tf are you talking about?

[Transigence]

Trust me, it makes perfect sense given the context. The only problem is, this isn't the correct context :(

Sorry. This was supposed to be a reply to someone's opinion.

[dominiquois]

Yes he is. Not only that but now he is possession of child pornography so your friend is both a criminal and a sex offender.

[Catsforlife123]

If the police found out, he would get in huge trouble. Like I think that is a felony? I don't know but I just know it's bad

[Mesonfielde]

I would mostly be concerned with how that is probably illegal, and a half-naked pic would be child porn

[SarahsSummer]

He AND she could be convicted of felony kiddy porn laws.

[echoaj]

Hate to break it to you but I think he is a pedophile. The question is will he act on his pedophile instincts. I hope not but hornyness can make guys do crazy things. Just keep an eye out for him.

[Transigence]

Oh, "American's so racist" guy.

I got news for you, it's not pedophilia to be attracted to pubescent girls (or boys). Maybe do your homework?

[echoaj]

@Transigence Hey buddy go read my update lmfao XD.
You're an idiot, that's literally the definition of pedophilia.

[Transigence]

No, the fuck, it literally is not. Pedophilia is the attraction to PRE-PUBESCENT children! a 14-year old is not PRE-PUBESCENT.

So... we have another word for it (two, actually), and it's a little different. They are, hebephilia and ephebophilia (I think they are perfect synonyms, but I'm not 100% sure). What is different is that they reflect the PREFERENCE of post-pubescent adolescents OVER adults, whereas pedophilia refers to any attraction to pre-pubescent children, regardless of priority.

Also, it's widely debated as to whether ephebophilia is even a sickness.

Consider yourself educated.

[echoaj]

@Transigence cool story bro

[HentaiMaster23]

Well a Pedophile is attracted to Prepubescent people, if this chick has gone through puberty, he ain't a pedophile

[chrisbigman]

Yeah, he's leaning toward becoming one. I'd get him some help if you could. But be careful. He's probably going to go into denial at first and for a while.

[JustinTheGreat]

The fact that he's even FRIENDS with a 14 year old girl is a little weird

[goretcki]

If you don't eanna go to the police, tell him to stop and tell her to stop

[Asker]

I can't access his phone. I told him to stop already and ranted to him for about an hour telling him this is wrong but he brushes it off and says it's not a big deal and how he's just joking. I can't even get this girl's info how do I tell her to stop?

[goretcki]

Tell him the consequences

[Jonathan15]

Yep if i was you i would go straight to the police, that is so not right and disgusting.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't date a 14 year old girl but some of them have ass and tits like 18 year olds now.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe it's something in the food

[Transigence]

They always did.

[Opinion Owner]

@Transigence reported

[SunsetRose]

If he continues this he's headed to jail.

[LateNightss]

He's not a pedophile, he's a hedophile.

[TonyRyan]

Hebephile.

[LateNightss]

@TonyRyan a hedophile is someone who gets away with it.

[TonyRyan]

Oh, my bad. Hadn't heard of that term before.

[LateNightss]

@TonyRyan Neither had I until I just looked it up to try and save myself from being corrected.

[Transigence]

Hebephile, or ephebophile.

[abc--123]

Report him before he ruins a young girls life.

[Zendrya]

Yes he is

[Zendrya]

And her parents should be informed immediately.

[Esplorare]

ZenDRYa? LOL is that your real name?

[Asker]

You make it sound so easy, how do I tell her parents when I have no idea who this girl is and know nothing of her contact information.

[Zendrya]

@Esplorare firstly, no, it is a username my boyfriend came up with a few years ago that I use for everything. And secondly, are you that immature that you would make fun of someone for their name? If so grow the hell up

[Zendrya]

In response to the asker did you not check the contacts name? Does he not have her last name? You could go on fb, he probably has her on there and find out that way.

[Asker]

I checked her name as I said in my question. Her name's Samantha and he doesn't have her last name on there as most people don't put other's last names into contact info. I only checked it quickly and read the messages fast since he was coming. I searched her up on FB and found nothing, she doesn't have a FB I think or if she does they might not have each other

[Esplorare]

Don't tell me what to do, sweetie. Just because you have an extra little icon next to your name, that is essentially worthless on the grand scale of life, doesn't mean you get to bark orders at grown women who exceed your life experience. I don't need an adolescent who probably doesn't even have a high school diploma telling me to grow up.

I thought it was a spin on 'Zendaya' because SOME PEOPLE have a sense of humor and crack jokes or throw verbal jabs. No need for you to get all defensive and have an attitude with someone who's feistier than you.

[Mustachekitteh]

Don't worry about "Esplorare," From what I hear lately she's the most hated person on gag due to her attitude. So she's just being mature and trying to pick a petty fight with you. So she's just bitter and pass aggressive to everyone she meets.

[Mustachekitteh]

crap miss typed. Meant to say "So she's just being immature and trying to pick a petty fight with you."